Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Bummer

What a buzz-kill Jimmy Bise is! Here I was, buying into the idea that the world was going to end this weekend - and actually looking forward to it, primarily in order to avoid having to do employee performance evaluations – and now Jimmy comes along and shows that the whole thing is a bunch of hooey.

Well, better roll up my sleeves and start knocking these evaluations out…

“Mr. Toadvine has made great progress with his anger-management issues, and has almost completely broken the habit of growling during board meetings. The Senior Vice President of Marketing professes himself to be entirely satisfied with his reconstructive jaw surgery, and, by all accounts, Mr. Toadvine has been very cooperative in the ongoing police investigation into the disappearance of his fourth wife.”

[God, how I hate having to do these things!]

13 comments:

richard mcenroe said...

"This enlisted man works well when placed under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"I would not breed from this officer."

"I would follow this officer into combat out of sheer curiosity."

TW: berapin: entrance exam for the IMF

Paco said...

I really like that last one!

JeffS said...

I've managed not to growl during staff meetings. The eye rolls are a different matter, and I usually end up pretending to sleep.

Yojimbo said...

Addendum to evaluation of Mr. Toadvine begins about now.

None of the above gibberish really matters since Mr. Toadvine is the ONLY transgendered, wheelchair bound Pacific Islander in the whole region.

Not only that but Mr. Toadvine attended an EST encounter with Russell Means at Pine Ridge Rez on his way from Truk to D.C.

richard mcenroe said...

Paco -- Civil War vintage, that. They knew how to write an evaluation back then. These days it's as formalized as Mandarin court poetry.

Paco said...

YoJ: Yeah, you can't fight that.

mojo said...

"This employee seems destined to spend the rest of his life pushing on doors marked 'pull'. Recommend for Management Fast-track."

RebeccaH said...

...and actually looking forward to it, primarily in order to avoid having to do employee performance evaluations ...

You think you have it bad? I'm scheduled for a colonoscopy next week!

Paco said...

Rebecca: I actually enjoy them. Er, let me rephrase that. I love the joy juice they give me to knock me out. I feel so rested and serene when I come out from under the stuff, that I wish I could buy it on the street.

Steve Skubinna said...

Toadvine? Does Paco Enterprises outsource their HR to Screwtape?

I used to hate the IT staff meetings when I worked at the District Court. Eventually, when the ennui became overpowering I would write haiku, and if they were good enough, pass them along the table. My favorite, which actually provoked the immediate adjournment, was:

Meetings without end
How long can this continue?
I will kill myself.

Nowadays the only meetings I have to attend involve how we're going to move several thousand tons of ordnance. They stay focused.

Paco said...

Steve: In the bigger meetings, where my presence is merely ornamental, I rely on my Kindle to stave off madness.

bingbing said...

Seriously, you have to do that shit?

bingbing said...

I have an open class tomorrow... actually later today (past midnight).

It's an evaluation class. It's only my next contract and in a sense, my career on the line.

Just got married, so maybe that's why they helped prepared a class.

That's very kind, and I really do appreciate it, but I think I'll do it my way.

To be fair, there are rarely staff meetings these days as the entire school uses a messenger-type program.