Thursday, March 11, 2010

Enterprising Kiwi Auctions Bottled “Spirits”

I guess there’s a market for everything:
A New Zealand woman sold two vials that she said contained the ghosts of an old man and a young girl for almost NZ$2,000 ($1,410) after a fiercely contested online auction, local media reported.

Avie Woodbury from Christchurch told TVNZ that she captured the spirits after an exorcism session of her house and for which she paid roughly $100.
(H/T: Mrs. Paco)

Now, Paco Enterprises is not about to be outdone by Avie Woodbury, so I’m pleased to announce that our auction-house subsidiary, Perfectly Authentic Collectibles Online, is offering this cigar box, which contains the ghost of General (and President) Ulysses S. Grant.


It has been evaluated and authenticated by the independent Psychic Appraisal Certification Organization, so you can be sure that what you are getting is the genuine ghost of this prominent Civil War general (and not the spirit of some inferior military personage, like Daniel Sickles or Braxton Bragg). Let the bidding begin!

13 comments:

  1. With apologies to Mrs Paco: http://www.corpse.org/archives/issue_1/palmer.html

    Cheers

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  2. Captain: Ha! I've got a vial containing Edison's first breath!

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  3. By the way, I'd pay a princely sum to have a bottle that contained Hugo Chavez's last breath.

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  4. You wouldn't happen to have a Galusha Pennypacker in stock?

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  5. Steve: I'm afraid not; however, we do have Jubal Early in a whiskey flask.

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  6. I have a shot glass that holds spirits!

    No, really. It's got the revenant souls of several mid-18th century bartenders stuck to it! Which, strangely enough, look like old, dried peanut butter. Go figure.

    What do you recon it's worth, you being the resident expert and all?

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  7. Mojo: W-e-l-l, that's hard to say. Were they famous bartenders?

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  8. Is it worth more if they were? I'm very flexible in these matters.

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  9. Surely the spirit of Grant would be pickled in a whiskey bottle?

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  10. No, not necessarily. He was a big cigar smoker, too.

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  11. I would bid for Ulysses S.'s soul, but I'm afraid my mother's ghost would come back to torment me.

    Mr. H's home town is Lancaster, OH, which also happens to be where General William Tecumseh Sherman was hatched. Once, when we were living there, my mother came to visit (remember, she was a Texas descendant of the belles of the Old South). She was fascinated by the pre-civil war architecture and history, but then I made the mistake of suggesting we visit the museum that is General Sherman's boyhood home.

    I thought she was going to hit me.

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  12. Yep. Wasn't it throat cancer that killed him in the end?

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  13. That's right (although I understand the combination of booze and smoking has a multiplier effect on the chances of getting throat cancer).

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