Conversations with Oscar

Hello. We’re here again with our in-house expert on environmental matters, Oscar the Oak Tree. Today, we wanted to talk to Oscar about the gap between words and deeds that seems to dog celebrity proponents of global-warming theories.

Paco: So, Oscar, how’s it hangin’?

Oscar: How’s what hangin’? I’m an oak, not a mango.

Paco: Just a figure of speech. Skip it. Listen, our readers – both of them – are a little worked up over what they see as rampant hypocrisy on the part of famous people who bang the global-warming drum, but whose carbon footprints are far larger than the average Joe’s. Al Gore, for example, has a house that burns up enough power to run scores of regular-size homes, and his usage is up 10% over last year. And as Roger Kimball points out, President Bush’s home in Texas is far more environmentally friendly.

Oscar: Yeah, Kimball’s good (I mean, if you can get past the bow tie). Anyhow, that’s all par for the course, isn’t it? Sacrifice is for the little people, Paco. The big dawgs always exempt themselves from the rules they want to impose on others. And, please, don’t get me started on Al Gore.

Paco: What would you say to Al Gore if he were here, today?

Oscar: I wouldn’t say anything to him. I’d throw a squirrel at the bottom of his pants leg and holler, “Up you go, boy!” When I think of all the trees that were destroyed to manufacture that human weather balloon’s idiotic books – well, it just gives me leaf blight!

Paco: So, you think Al Gore should lead by way of example?

Oscar: Sure – as long as his path leads blindly off a high cliff that’s looming over a stand of prickly-pear cactus. And I hope all the other climate fabulists will, indeed, follow his example. Nobel laureate! What, are they handing those medals out like Halloween candy, these days?

Paco: Thanks for talking with us, Oscar. We’ll be seeing you again, no doubt.

Oscar: Yeah, back at you. Oh, and do me a favor, will you? See if you can’t do something about these bag worms; they’re really giving me the willies. All those hundreds of creepy little footsteps make me feel like an anteroom full of lobbyists outside of Congressman Murtha’s office.