Mojo Risin'

(A guest post by friend and commenter, Mojo: a cautionary tale)

The Unexpected Wisdom of William Claude Dukenfield, Part the First

From: "My Little Chickadee" (1940):

Cuthbert J. Twillie: I'm tending bar one time down in the lower East side in New York... a tough felona comes in there by the name of Chicago Molly. I cautioned her, "None of your peccadilloes in here." There was some hot lunch on the bar comprising of succotash, Philadelphia cream cheese and asparagus with mayonnaise. She dips her mitt down into this melange - I'm yawning at the time - and she hits me right in the mug with it. I jumps over the bar and I knocks her down.

Squawk Mulligan, bartender: [walks up] Where's the funnel?

Cuthbert J. Twillie: I don't know. It's up along there somewhere. You were there the night I knocked Chicago Molly down, weren't you?

Squawk Mulligan, bartender: YOU knocked her down? I was the one that knocked her down.

Cuthbert J. Twillie: [to the barfly] Oh, yeah, yes, that's right. He knocked her down. But I was the one who started kicking her!

Squawk Mulligan, bartender: Here's the funnel.

Cuthbert J. Twillie: [to Squawk] Yeah, OK.

[to barfly]
Cuthbert J. Twillie: I starts kicking her in the midriff. D'ja ever kick a woman in the midriff that had a pair of corsets on?

Barfly drinking "Panther": No, I just can't recall any such incident right now.

Cuthbert J. Twillie: Why I almost broke my great toe. I never had such a painful experience.

Barfly drinking "Panther": Uh, did she ever come back again?

Squawk Mulligan, bartender: I'll say she came back! She came back a week later and beat the both of us up.

Cuthbert J. Twillie: Yeah. But she had another woman with her... an elderly lady with gray hair.

The Moral: Never start kicking a stiff broad unless you're SURE her mother is dead.