Wednesday, September 24, 2008

"Dear Friend"

Hmm. Seems like Barack Obama’s brother, George Hussein Obama, isn’t doing so well. Maybe that explains this strange e:mail I received today.

To: Paco
From: George H. Obama
Subject: Legitimit business preposition for Paco

Dear Friend:

Permit me to introduce myself. I am George Hussein Obama. I live in a slum in Kenya, and am appealing to your compassion and American goodwill to provide assistance. But I guarantee it will be worth your while.

As you probably heard, my brother, Barack Hussein Obama, is running for the president of your wonderful United States of America (home of the brave and land of the free things!) Over the last two years, Barack received friendly money gifts from the Fanny Mac, which is a wonderful bank that helps you Americans to get the sub-prone mortgages. He sent the money to Kenya for safe-keeping because of the nosy Republicans and the dangerous Eskimos who were jealous of his friends and their friendly money gifts to my brother. He has also sent a stash of Barack Bucks that will become the new money for United States.

My brother now needs this moneys to help him beat the corrupt McCain bandits in the election. He is willing to buy me a new pair of shoes and a beautiful Hope and Change t-shirt if I help him get the money out of Kenya and back to America. My own role is modest; but he needs a sharp person in America to collect the money when it arrives in a shipment of arugula in the Port of Miami, Florida, USA, and he is willing to share his monies with you 50% if you will help him. Your share will be $50,000!! But I need your assistance to clear the shipment of arugula and the monies through Kenyan customs. If you will give me your credit card number, I will process the shipment; should cost only a few hundred dollars (I promise to destroy the credit card number, word of honor, cross my heart). This is a real good business for you. For a small amount of adventure capital, you get big return.

I look forward to your confidential reply.


George H. Obama

P.S. I also have options on Fanny Mac monies being held in Kenya for your Senators Cris Dodd and John Kerry if you are interested.


Mild Colonial Boy, Esq. said...

Here's a chainletter that may interest you:

kae said...

The best chain email ever.

Hello, my name is John and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000? How stupid are we?

Oooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day! What a bunch of bullshit!

Maybe the evil chainletter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower. Fuck 'em.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forward about 90 times. I don't fucking care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's our own unpopularity.

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the ass of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.

P.S. Send me 50 bucks and then fuck off.

Paco said...

mcb, esq.: Very good!

Paco said...

kae: HAW, HAW!

kc said...

Kae, you lucky dog! You got the Famous , much-sought-after Paco "HAW!" Not once but TWICE!

Wow...I am so glad you're my friend.

Paco said...

KC: And all caps, too!

Minicapt said...

So, Atlanta is now America's Team?


RR Ryan said...

Atlanta was always America's team. Just ask Ted Turner.