Sunday Funny

A Tern for the Worse
Robert Wood e:mails the following story from Canada: "Speaking of terns and er, unthreshed barley straw which of course you weren't but: My brother, the farmer of the family, heard that barley straw put in small sloughs stopped the formation of blue-green algae so he raked up a quantity of said unthreshed barley straw and dumped it in a slough on his farm. That was in in the heat of the summer. A couple of days later he checked to see if it was working as he had been told. Instead he found hundred of terns make a horrendous sound of slurred piping, flapping about uncontrollably and seemingly unable to fly. It seems the unthreshed barley in the straw had fermented and he had left no tern unstoned for miles around."

Joke from the In-Box
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor w as not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his
attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and
no full-time employment,
Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling.
I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.
‘I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How
about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment
and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand
dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't
blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures
and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost
three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get
nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six
thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk,
and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never
get a drop anywhere in between.
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly
manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa
stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although
he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the
other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he
has just turned a major loss into a break even. But
Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks. 'Not really,' says
the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me
he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand
dollars that he could come in here and piss all over
your desk and that you'd be happy about it.

Bumper Stickers
From Theo (H/T: Cap'n Heinrichs)