A meeting in the Cabinet Room of the White House to discuss strategic options in Afghanistan. Gathered around the table are the president and his civilian advisers. General McChrystal is joining the meeting via video link; his visage appears on a large television screen hanging on the wall.
Obama: Well, ladies and gentlemen, we ought to be able to start in a couple of minutes. We’re just waiting on…Oh, here’s Joe now.
Biden: Sorry, Mr. President, I got tied up in traffic. [notices General McChrystal’s face on the television screen and scowls] Oh. What else is on?
McChrystal: Pardon me, Mr. Vice President, but you might want to familiarize yourself with the mute button.
Biden: What? Oh…heh…yeah. Just kidding, General.
Obama: All right, let’s get down to business. General McChrystal, in order to create a clear path for consideration of our strategic options in Afghanistan, I’ve identified two factions or teams. I’ll refer to you and General Petraeus as the “Militarist” Team, and Joe Biden’s team will be called…What was the name you came up with, Joe?
Biden: I’ve designated our side as “The Winning Assessment Team”
McChrystal: TWAT?
Biden: I said I’ve designated our side…
McChrystal: No, no. Not “what”. I said “TWAT”.
Biden: I beg your pardon, sir?
McChrystal: In the military, we’re accustomed to using a lot of acronyms, Mr. Vice President. The acronym for your group would be TWAT.
Biden: Oh, I see. Hmm. Well, that’s not so good. I’d better call my group “The War in Afghanistan Team”.
McChrystal: Sir, that would still make you the…er…TWAT-head.
Biden: Ok, ok. We’ll just call it the Biden Squad, for now.
Obama: General McChrystal, why don’t you go first and outline your strategy. I know you’ve already discussed it at length with me personally, but the other people here have not heard what you have to say.
McChrystal: Well, sir, I wouldn’t say our 25-minute talk on Air Force One really gave me an opportunity to discuss my recommendations at length…
Obama: With all due respect, General, I told you to feel free to tweet.
McChrystal: Yes, but…never mind. Ladies and gentlemen, I have a comprehensive set of facts and figures here that I believe will help me make a convincing case for more troops in Afghanistan. Now, the first thing you need to understand…
[i] Twenty minutes later[/i]
…and in conclusion, I continue to strongly suggest that this represents our best option in Afghanistan. I’ll be glad to hear Mr. Biden’s ideas on the subject…Sir?...Mr. President?
A new voice: Ah, mon General, zat is a most excellent strategy, if you will permit me to say so. Much better zan ze one zat ze civilian advisers have devised.
McChrystal: Excuse me, sir, but who are you?
Voice: I am Gustave Napoleon Toussaint D’Orleans, ze gentleman’s personal gentleman to monsieur le President. But ever since I was ze leetle boy in Haiti, everybody has called me Gus. I have jus' come to collect monsieur le President's cherished coffee cup, ze one wit' ze picture of ze big zero.
McChrystal: Where did everyone go?
Gus: Ze Twat-head noticed during your speech zat he had lost one of heez hair plugs and begged ze assistance of all ze udder pipples to help heem find eet.
McChrystal [shakes his head and sighs as he collects his papers]: Well, I tried. And by the way, Gus, Mr. Biden changed the name of his group, so he’s no longer the TWAT-head.
Gus: Ah, mon General! On zat, we weel have to…how do you say?...”agree to disagree”.
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Domino's Pizza used to run an ad that went "I've Got The Hots For What's In the Box With The Dots". A bit long-winded for an advertising grab.
ReplyDeleteA political version might go something like "We've Got A Twat Who Can't Join The Dots; All Is Lost".
Nicely done, blogstrop!
ReplyDeleteCan't stop laughing..
ReplyDelete"The Man From TWAT"
YOU, are as crazy as I am...but so much more articulate.
ROTFLMAO
ReplyDeleteHeh! I can really imagine Biden The Clown thinking that one up!
ReplyDeleteAnother tour de force by a very gifted man. But isn't there some tipping or inflection point where the truth value begins to overcome the parody aspect.
ReplyDeleteWhat got me to thinking was that old joke surrounding that private plane crashing onto the White House lawn during the Clinton Administration. I think the joke at the time was that it was actually the CIA Director trying to get an appointment with Clinton.
Your word verification for this post is "inerta"
Maybe the comedy fraternity should come up with a new name for this area. Realody or something.
ReplyDelete:)
Paco, you have a gift for weaving stories that are screamingly funny, while at the same time being frighteningly, horrifyingly real.
ReplyDeletePaco, great report as usual! But you forgot to mention the scowl the President gave Biden when he entered the room clutching the Danish Butter cookies.
ReplyDeleteBlogstrop, love your WGATWCJTD;AIL. Wonderful!
Deborah Leigh
Rebecca: I have to say, though, it's getting hard to parody this administration.
ReplyDeleteQuoted from and linked to at:
ReplyDeleteIT MUST BE A SERIOUS MATTER FOR PACO TO GO PUBLIC
Thanks, Bob! I got a kick out of your post.
ReplyDeleteJust because you saw it on YouTube doesn't mean it really happened!
ReplyDeleteCheers
WV- cotomist: Paco himself.
I have more photos that are, shall we say, 'upsetting'. You know how to reach me.
ReplyDeleteOne of the eight young men killed at that forward base last weekend was from Tucson. He was a graduate of Tucson High. He left a young son behind who is now without his father. Arizona, and especially southern Arizona, has been hit very, very hard this year.
ReplyDeleteI hope all the politics in the effort to get ObamaCare are worth it. Really no need to respond to that question.