SOTU: I Forgive You For Not Completely Accepting My Awesomeness; Go and Doubt No More

Actually, I have no idea what the overall “message” will be, but I think we can count on the following dodges, verbal tics and rhetorical gimmicks:

The Impenetrable Passive/Intransitive Blame Deflector Shield
Look for sentences like, “Mistakes have been made”, “The pace of change has been faster than anticipated”, “The message has been received”. This is the standard tactic for (a) acknowledging problems that indisputably have been created or exacerbated by oneself while (b) conveying the notion that they’ve been caused by some vague external force, like a poltergeist or El Niño.

Oh, Look! Over there! It’s George Bush!
I will be astonished if there are not multiple references to “the past eight years”, “the problems I inherited”, “cleaning up the mess”, etc. In fact, you may come away thinking that you’ve just been addressed by the First Janitor.

Smoke and Mirrors, Jobs Edition
Everything connected with domestic policy – but everything - will be fed into the teleprompter with the implication that it’s “all about jobs.” There will probably be a reference to the proposed Son of Porkulus, and a corresponding blackout on any mention of new taxes (unless it’s some bromide about reducing the tax burden on the middle class).

Did I Say Health Care? I Meant Jobs, Of Course
On this subject, look for a crazy quilt stitched together out of the previous three tactical approaches. “Movement on this issue was too precipitate, the message has been received, it’s not my fault anyway, and, you know, jobs are not just about salaries but about affordable health care for all.”

The Global War Dragnet On Terrorism
It’s all about balance, see? We don’t want to become what we oppose, so naturally our enemies should be given the full benefit of those constitutional rights they want to destroy. Water-boarding? Psssh! Wait till Abdullah ibn Scowlpuss or whoever has to sit in a court room and actually watch a prosecutor wag a finger at him. He’ll crack, I tell you, he’ll positively crack. Airport security? Meh. We’ll get back to you on that.

Foreign Policy: Everybody Likes a Cute Fluffy Bunny, Right?
There will likely be some jaw-jaw about America rediscovering its proper place in the world, building bridges, not walls, “my Speech in Cairo”, arms are for carrying home bags of arugula from Whole Foods, not for making war, blah, blah, blah. Oh, and we wouldn’t still be bogged down in Afghanistan (love the troops, by the way!) if You Know Who hadn’t allowed himself to become distracted by Iraq.

Ya Gotta Believe!
We will pursue a policy of transparency, openness, honesty, bipartisanship and fiscal responsibility, and this time we really mean it.

The Ritual Introduction of an Obfuscation
“Let me be clear…”

If anyone wants to catch this thing and report back, feel free. I’ll be watching old Gunsmoke episodes, myself.

Update: I hadn't noticed this, but the Anchoress did.

Update II Great speech drunk blogging over at VodkaPundit. One funny line (among many): “'We must answer history’s call.'” Dude, you should have gone before you left."