Monday, July 19, 2010

Hugo Chavez, Cold Case Investigator

President Bozo, ruler of the Evil-Clownocracy of Venezuela, recently had the remains of Simon Bolivar exhumed, based on his hunch that the Liberator had been assassinated (the historical record says that he died of tuberculosis).

Chavez went into ecstasies after the corpse was dug up.
Chavez opened Bolivar's tomb unannounced, spreading the news on Twitter: "What impressive moments we have lived tonight!! We have seen the remains of the Great Bolivar!"

"Our father who is in the earth, the water and the air ... You awake every hundred years when the people awaken," Chavez continued. "I confess that we have cried, we have sworn allegiance."[I guess the benchmark for eloquence in Venezuela is pretty low - Paco]
In the first place, I hadn't heard that the revolution would be tweeted, but there it is. More importantly, I'm sure all sane people look forward to the day when Chavez joins Bolivar "on the other side".

6 comments:

  1. And I hope they put a stake through his heart, line his casket with garlic, and never, EVER, dig him up!

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  2. Linked.
    http://mindnumbedrobot.com/2010/07/20/robo-love-experiment-3/2048

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  3. Hopefully he can join Bolivar sooner than later. To RebeccaH's advice I would add, turn him face down, sprinkle salt all around, add holy water. There might be a chicken that needs to give it's life, but hey, I don't know that stuff. Just saying.

    Deborah Leigh

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  4. Rebecca, you forgot to include burying his head, with his mouth stuffed full of garlic, under the near crossroads.

    Otherwise, spot on!

    TW: rappens. Yeah, wrap Hugo up and bury him. Please!

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  5. Simon Bolivar is ultimately responsible for every bloody military coup that have plagued the south's governments for the last 200-odd years. A bad example.

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  6. Mojo: I believe even Bolivar, toward the end of his life, despaired of establishing any kind of genuine Republic in South America.

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