Sunday, September 26, 2010

Just to be on the safe side

The UN has picked a Malaysian astrophysicist to be earth's representative in the event any aliens drop in (AllahPundit has some fun with the idea).

Bad choice, in my opinion. I've seen enough sci-fi movies - War of the Worlds, Earth vs. the Flying Saucers, Independence Day and the V cable TV series - to suspect that intergalactic visitors are probably bad news. If any of them do show up, I'd stick this guy out there...


"Captain Zogplax reporting from landing craft, sir. Nothing here but giant slugs, and they taste terrible. Suggest we move on."

12 comments:

JeffS said...

Maybe if we provided a big bottle of Tabasco sauce? A really really really really really really BIG bottle, I mean.

richard mcenroe said...

He can probably suck up that first Martian heatray all by himself, give an American tank a chance to get a shot off.

I mean if anyone was ever BORN to be a heatsink...

JeffS -- If Tabasco could save ham and lima bean C's it can save almost anything. But it might have to work overtime in this case.

prairiecat55kc said...

I was thinking he might scare 'em off, which isn't a bad thing...but seeing him as a Hospitality Tray, especially with Tobasco and maybe a nice fruit basket, is GENIUS!

RebeccaH said...

Eek! Clicked on your blog and almost lost my breakfast. I don't think aliens would touch that, not unless they really like great globs of grease with hair on it.

richard mcenroe said...

RebeccaH Throw in a little oregano and garlic pepper... covers a lot of sins.

RebeccaH said...

Richard, you would need an entire field's worth of oregano and garlic to cover that.

Paco said...

Guys, the idea is not to make this scrofulous mountain of flab appealing to aliens; we won't them to get the idea that earth is a lousy place to eat.

JeffS said...

Paco, it's clear that you've never had to subsist on MREs or C-rations for extended periods.

And let's not go into T-rations; my personal nightmare was "grits, hominy, with bacon and smoke flavoring". Ugh!

Trust me, any cuisine that requires massive amounts of hot spices to make it merely edible is unappealing in the long term. Dunking Moore in a vat of up-gunned Tabasco sauce (a la' Richard McEnroe) as a precursor to his becoming alien hor d'oeuvres will chase away any extraterrestrial with even a minimum gourmet sense far from our lovely world. Especially one who has subsisted on canned rations during its long journey across the empty void of interstellar space, and is aching to chomp on some fresh meat.

I expect the poor creature to spit its snack out after 3-4 bites, throw what's left of Moore on the ground, and stomp back to its shuttle in disgust.

Which is bad for Moore, but good for decent folks.

Paco said...

Gaaah! "Want" not "won't".

Michael Lonie said...

JeffS,
In H. Beam Piper's Science Fiction novel "Little Fuzzy" and old prospector on an alien planet discovers a native species of primate-like creatures. He wants to feed the first one he finds and decides to give it Space Navy Emergency Rations, Extraterrestrial Type III (or Extee-3 as it's called in the book). The Fuzzy tastes a bit of it, then gobbles down the whole can's worth of the stuff. "Well," says the prospector, "you sure never had to live on that and nothing else for three months." I gather it was supposed to taste like a cross between a granola bar (without the savory bits) and hardtack.

robbie46 said...

Oh dear, a little warning would have been nice! It worked I'm out of here!
Think the aliens would be to.

JeffS said...

HAW!!! The Little Fuzzies of Zarathrustra!!! A classic series, that one, Michael! And too true.....ever check out those Coast Guard approved emergency ration bars? Ugh!

(Yeah, I'm a Piper fan. And I was thinking of "The Lone Star Planet", with the very adversarial and human munching s'Srauff when I wrote my comment. )