We could also call it Barack Obama Day

The election of Barack Obama as president of the United States on November 4, 2008 represents the most bone-headed collective decision made by the American citizenry in generations. Obama is the summation of almost every character flaw, intellectual deficiency and psychological problem manifested by presidents, individually, going back to at least the early twentieth century. Next to Obama, Woodrow Wilson is a study in humility; Warren Gamaliel Harding looks positively astute; FDR appears a model of restraint; Harry Truman is a paragon of bi-partisanship; JFK’s progress is a Horatio Alger story; Lyndon Johnson becomes the soul of probity; Richard Nixon is well-adjusted; and Jimmy Carter is transformed into a statesman of Metternich-like shrewdness.

I now put it to my fellow citizens, in words no doubt similar to those used by Mrs. O’Leary in addressing her maladroit cow: What have you done? True, the alternative was unpleasant; John McCain is a cranky, arrogant, conceited show-boat, whose commitment to principle always takes a back-seat to his commitment to John McCain. And yet it is difficult to imagine him attempting to tune up our health-care system with a wrecking-ball, or engaging in an unseemly game of “the dozens” with the Prime Minister of Israel. Would John McCain have appointed a pervert to be his Safe Schools Czar? One could get better odds on the likelihood of Kim Kardashian’s maidenhead still being intact.

I believe the first steps in undoing this historic mistake entail (a) acknowledging that a mistake was made in the first place, and (b) resolving to recall to the public mind precisely why it was a mistake, so that we may avoid ever doing anything so irresponsible again. I propose, therefore, that, henceforth and in perpetuity, November 4th be observed as a day of national contrition.

The day could be marked by readings of the constitution and the Bill of Rights on radio, on television and even, under the watchful eyes of federal marshals, in public schools. Fox News might broadcast a series of “man-on-the-street” interviews with penitent voters (their heads concealed in paper bags in order to preserve the sacred anonymity of the confessional). Dr. Thomas Sowell’s latest essay could be emailed nationwide, and Representative Paul Ryan could host webinars summarizing his roadmap to recovery.

Yet the day need not be exclusively somber in tone. I envision freedom fairs, where people may gather to watch realistic reenactments of the Boston Tea Party and the surrender of Cornwallis to General Washington, after which patrons can disperse among the snack-stands and sideshows, to purchase red, white and blue cotton-candy, or to knock the president off his perch into a tub of water (in effigy, of course!) Giant outdoor television screens will display video clips of Obama’s lies, evasions and inconsistencies. Cap the day off with that famous scene of the Right Reverend Jeremiah Wright calling down the Almighty’s damnation on America, and you’ve got an outing that will be remembered and cherished by the whole family!

Permit me to anticipate a complaint: “Hold the phone, there, amigo! I didn’t vote for him! What do I have to repent of?” Let us be rigorously fair in the matter: we are all to blame. Who among us doesn’t have a gullible friend or an uninformed neighbor, upon whom the employment of even modest hortatory skills might have resulted in a vote for comparative sanity? How many senile uncles out there might a loving niece or nephew have helped to a more judicious choice through the use of, say, an absentee ballot? Nay, we are all sinners.

“But,” you respond, “those are only sins of omission.” At first blush, I am tempted to say, “there you have me”. I readily admit that I am not a master of the high and ghostly sciences, particularly with respect to original source material. Far from it! In fact, my only brush with formal academic training in the minutiae of religion consisted in an undergraduate course I took as an elective – subject: the Bible - and which I had to drop due to a catastrophic grade on the mid-term exam. I had inexplicably failed to study the syllabus closely, and had, in addition, played the truant the week before the test, which carelessness left me completely stumped by an examination item that commanded me to list all the books of the Bible, Old Testament and New, in the correct order. Not only did I omit approximately a third of the actual books, I created a few new ones out of whole cloth. To this day, I occasionally amuse myself with the fantasy of some future archeologist poking among the ruins of Wake Forest University, and finding the brittle, yellowed remains of my exam. Should the archeologist take my list as authentic, I’m afraid he (or she, as the case may be) will search in vain for further evidence of the Gospel of Augustine, and Hercules, books i and ii.

However, I meander shamefully. Upon quick, but penetrating, reflection, I must reveal the fallacy in your argument. You see, although I am not a reliable scout when it comes to reading the audit-trail of Holy Writ, that is all mere theological accountancy. I have been properly catechized, and am no slouch in matters of dogma and doctrine, and I am reasonably sure that the Church Fathers did not allow for time off in purgatory, or an occasional glass of ice-water for the certainly damned, because of some putative discount attaching to sins of omission as opposed to some equally speculative premium for sins of commission. So let us all make amends on Contrition Day.

Naturally, there is exactly zero chance of this being declared a national holiday, given the present circumstances; not even the most vacant-eyed mouth-breather in the current administration would countenance such a proposal. I see this as a purely voluntary undertaking, at least for the time being. Perhaps a Glenn Beck or a Rush Limbaugh could put it over. And though it may be too late to fire the public imagination this year, we can observe the spirit of the holiday by going to the polls this November 2nd and knocking some of the props out from under Our Big Mistake.