Monday, October 25, 2010

Cap-a-pie

Scene: The Oval Office. President Obama has gathered with his chief advisers to discuss a serious foreign policy problem: the President’s reluctance to visit the chief temple of the Sikhs on his trip to India.

Obama: Ok, you all know why you’re here. Now, we’ve already communicated to the Sikhs that I won’t be dropping by their mosque…

David Plouffe: Excuse me, sir, but it’s not a mosque. The Sikhs aren’t Muslims.

Obama: Well, whatever. Mosque, church, cathedral, mission house. The thing is, I’d have to cover my head, and if I wear anything that even remotely smacks of a turban or keffiyeh – even a Washington Nationals towel - the Republicans and the teabaggers are going to start going off about my being a Muslim. I was willing to compromise, but, apparently, the Sikhs objected to my choice of headgear.

David Axelrod: Mr. President, a baseball cap with an image of Joe Camel smoking a “Camel wide” was perceived by the Sikhs as being, er, insufficiently respectful.

Obama: I don’t know why. You know how much those things are going for on eBay?

Axelrod: I believe it’s more the imagery, sir, than the monetary value of the cap.

Obama: Bismillah! Well, how about this: the first section of the Washington Post made up into a cocked hat?

Plouffe: Mr. President, I’m afraid that may have certain…um…Napoleonic connotations, with respect to both the ambitiousness of the historical original, as well as the stereotypical representation of the loony-bin inmate. Anyway, we think we may be able to get away with something simple, like a black Homburg.

Obama: Hmm. That might work. Didn’t FDR wear a Homburg?

Plouffe: Occasionally, sir, yes.

Obama: Say, that’s fine, then!

Axelrod: The only other thing, of course, is that you won’t be able to wear shoes in the temple.

Obama: You’re kidding me, right?

Axelrod: No, Mr. President, the protocol on that is pretty rigid. You have to wash your feet outside the temple, and walk around barefoot inside.

Obama: Like Tom Sawyer coming back from the fishin’ hole? No way. Besides…well…I don’t like to mention it, but I’ve got toenail fungus. The whole thing would be a PR disaster. Unless you think I could fool ‘em with those new things. What are they called? Foot gloves, I think.

Axelrod: Excellent idea, sir! I’ll look into it. Oh, by the way, while I’m here, did you want to talk about the latest intelligence on Iran’s nuclear program?

Obama: No, no. We’ve covered the important stuff. Just find me a pair of medium-brown foot gloves.

9 comments:

JP said...

Obama: No, no. We’ve covered the important stuff. Just find me a pair of medium-brown foot gloves

"medium-brown"? For stuff piled that high, he gonna' need a few EEEEE's for stability.

JeffS said...

How about a paper bag, with holes for his eyes and mouth?

Better yet, cancel the hole for the mouth.

prairiecat55kc said...

Mr. President, I’m afraid that may have certain…um…Napoleonic connotations, with respect to both the ambitiousness of the historical original, as well as the stereotypical representation of the loony-bin inmate.

Just brilliant.

Paco said...

Thankee, PC! I like to think I get off a goody every now and again.

Merilyn said...

Like your writing Paco. Your way with words is magic, and very funny.

bruce said...

Can't imagine he'd visit Amritsar 'Harimandir Sahib', a difficult place to secure. Sikhs are notoriously touchy, Indira offended them there and that ended rather badly. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_of_Indira_Gandhi

- Well she did blow a few holes in the place with tank cannons, trying to evict this guy who was holed up in there: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jarnail_Singh_Bhindranwale

****

They let you keep your socks on at the Taj Mahal, probably at Gandhi's tomb too. Special slippers for VIPs.

Paco said...

Bruce: He was invited to visit Amritsar. And I'm reliably informed that all his socks have holes in them.

RebeccaH said...

I like the paper bag idea, although a dunce cap would work pretty well too.

prairiecat55kc said...

Rebecca, maybe they could keep in in place with duct tape...wrapped around and around...