Brad Smilo and the Rahm Emanuel interview

Brad Smilo, here, with Paco World News Daily. Today, we’re going inside the storage unit of Rahm Emanuel, who has caught some flak from opponents in his Chicago mayoral bid over residency issues. He’s hoping to demonstrate that all of the possessions he has stored here in Chicago will support his claim to be a continuous resident of the windy city. Isn’t that right, Rahm?

Rahm: F***in’ A, Brad.

Brad: Well, then, how about giving us a tour?

Rahm: Oh, absof***in’lutely.

Brad: Say, isn’t that a New York Times vending machine?

Rahm: Ummmm…yeah. I got it at an auction. Thought it might make a nice conversation piece.

Brad: Now, this is interesting. I notice that the machine is full of newspapers. In fact, the front page has what seems to be a negative article about you.

Rahm: Yeah, those bastards. Guess the joke’s on them, huh? I mean, I think it’s kind of amusing to have a vending machine with that particular edition. Shows people that I got a sense of humor and don’t take that sort of libelous crap seriously, even when it’s written by a bunch of idiot journalism school c***suckers.

Brad: Quite a coincidence, you finding something like that at an auction.

Rahm: Ain’t it, though? Now, over here, I keep all my kitchen gear – pots, pans, plates…

Brad: What’s in this box? Wow! That’s an awful lot of flatware; looks like place settings for twenty people or more. This is an interesting design on the handles; it appears to be an airplane. What does this say? Hmmm...“Delta…”

Rahm: Yeah, got ‘em at a yard sale. Over here, I have some junk from my garage.

Brad: What’s that big stack over there?

Rahm: Next to the copper tubing and wires?

Brad: No, behind the No Parking signs and the pallet of flat-screen television sets.

Rahm: Oh, those are Cadillac hubcaps.

Brad: Where…?

Rahm: A flea market. Er, somewhere near Joliette, I think.

Brad: Are these real parking meters?

Rahm: Erm…yeah, city surplus.

Brad [rattle, rattle, rattle]: Hey, this one’s still got money in it!

Rahm: Well, now, serendipity-yi-ki-yay, cowboy!

Brad: Rahm, it looks as if, among your possessions in this Chicago storage facility, there’s a pretty good chunk of Chicago, itself!

Rahm: Good point, Brad. Kinda what you’d expect from a long-time permanent resident, isn’t it?

Brad: Yes, I suppose so. Thanks for giving us some time today, Rahm. Good luck in the upcoming election.

Rahm: Thanks, Brad. Say, you fellahs need something to load that sound equipment in to help you get it back to your van?

Brad: What have you got?

Rahm: How about a shopping cart?

Brad: Geez, you’ve got one of those, too?

Rahm: One? Take your pick. Costco, Save-A-Lot. Here; take this one from Trader Joe’s. Lots a’ class!

Brad: Thanks, again, Rahm! This has been Brad Smilo of the PWND radio network.