Monday, February 7, 2011

AOL, Spurned By Paco Enterprises, Buys Huffington Post On The Rebound

Stacy McCain and Professor Jacobson discuss the...interesting economics of the deal.

Update: Brad Smilo was able to catch J. Packington Paco III as he was leaving the Paco Tower parking garage in his black 1939 Packard touring sedan for a quick, on-the-spot interview concerning the nixed AOL/Paco Enterprises deal.

Brad: J.P., wait! It’s Brad Smilo of Paco World News! *Puff*…*Puff*… Can you stop a moment? *Puff*…*Puff*… [banging on window] J.P.! Ah, thank you, sir, for pulling over. I…gack!

J.P. [to chauffeur]: It’s all right, Otto. Kindly release Mr. Smilo’s throat.

Otto: Ja wohl, mein Herr!

J.P.: Please forgive Otto, Brad. He has the chauffeur’s natural hostility for pedestrians. Climb aboard.

Brad: *Cough-cough* Thanks, J.P.

J.P.: Here, permit me to pour you a small brandy, to restore your tissues and soothe your bruised larynx.

Brad: Much obliged, sir! So, tell me, J.P., is it true that AOL offered to buy the Paco Enterprises blog?

J.P.: AOL proposed to steal it. They offered me 300 hundred million - dollars, mind you, not even Euros.

Brad: But isn’t that a lot of money for a blog - forgive me for speaking plainly, sir – that only has a regular readership of perhaps twenty people, with names like JeffS and Yojimbo and Minicapt?

J.P.: Mwahaha! Gad, sir, you are a character, indeed you are! Those are aliases for some of the wealthiest people in the world; they pay to have access to the comments section.

Brad: But…Deborah Leigh? That sounds like a regular name, and she seems like an ordinary American.

J.P.: Her majesty…er…the commenter in question would be glad to hear that you think so. She has become inordinately proud of her grasp of the American idiom.

Brad: Gosh!

J.P.: You may well say “gosh”, Brad, and you would not go far wrong by adding “Son of a gun!” and “Holy cow!”

Brad: Consider them added, J.P.! Thanks for your time; once again, you’ve been very informative.

J.P.: Always happy to be of service. May I drop you somewhere?

Brad: Somewhere in the vicinity of a fast-food restaurant, if you don’t mind. I haven’t had my dinner yet.

J.P.: Well, you can join me! [reaches forward with his walking stick and knocks on the glass separating the driver’s seat from the passenger compartment] To Chick-Fil-A, Otto! Schnell!

Otto: Sehr gut, Herr Paco!


Anonymous said...

300 million phhht,lost more than that down the back of my sofa last week. Anyway at least I can lose the stupid Mick alias. I'll be going by Rupert from now on.

JeffS said...

And it's a pleasure paying for the privilege of posting here, Paco!


Robert Blair said...

Good one Paco ...

... somehow parts of that read like you're channeling Wodehouse.

And no, I don't have millions to my name like JeffS & Co - well not in Australian dollars anyway. Maybe I would if I converted to US dollars tho [reaches for calculator] ...

Yojimbo said...

We'll sure it's a pleasure for TRJ to pay. He pays in ammo, and .22 short rifle at that! Cheers and I are bearing the burden here,I'm thinking. My checking account has gaping holes in it and all my online orders are steered to I pay overnight shipping rates and the stuff is delivered by a twenty-mule team out of Boron California, and that's only when they can pull themselves away from delivering borax shipments to the smelter.

Are you sure Ronald Reagan started like this?

/Confounded in Tucson.

bruce said...

Soros has 300 million to burn.

With established market, this is a slightly sounder proposition than Air America, but still probably doomed, since the business probably won't survive expansion.

Steve Skubinna said...

So this is going to be an attempt to mainstream HuffPo?

Good lord, that's gonna get real ugly real fast. By all means, extend typical leftist commentary and opinion to the greater population. Let everyone see first hand what Beck and Limbaugh are talking about, unfiltered.

Paco said...

YoJ: Mule teams are part of Pacozan's commitment to renewable energy. See, we let the mules breed...

cac said...

So obviously my cheque didn't clear? Otherwise I would have joined the others in Paco story glory?

Another one is in the mail as we speak although it might be as well to wait a few weeks before trying to cash it. Although I really would have thought Paco enterprises would have been used to shall we say unorthodox financing methods.

Michael Lonie said...

All of Paco Enterprises' financing methods are orthodox, at least from the point of view of Don Corleone.

I'd say Arianna put one over on everybody, not just on AOL but also on her contirbutors too.

Oh, and Paco, the check is in the mail.

Anonymous said...

Dear Paco,
We are grateful for your kind words. However, this serious breach of security certainly calls for a reprimand, at the very least. We are disappointed that you of all people would...what is the phrase we are looking for..ah, yes, "gone and blown it", I believe. We try so hard to blend in. We were going to award you our highest honor, Commander of the Royal Order of the Vulgate with Golden Quill and Meade Chalice, but this may be downgraded to Squire with Pewter. We shall take into consider your kind words, however.

Funny, that when we read the report we were preparing for a meeting. Always highly important given our station. In haste, we thought you were complimenting the grasp of the American Idiot. We, of course, are well versed in the multitude of those. As for idioms, we do try hard.

Do notify us if you need any assistance in the way of the scoundrels, AOL. Now, I must attend to our subjects. Waiving from a balcony and attending Walmart openings is not as easy as one imagines.

HRM Deborah Leigh

Paco said...

Your Majesty: You are worrying yourself unnecessarily. No real names have been divulged, nor will they be - assuming that everyone goes along with the modest increase in the commenting fees which I am forced to implement due to, er, inflation.

Anonymous said...

Dear Paco, you are once again back in our graces. We are told that the medal will be in the mail along with the check for the increases.

HRM Deborah Leigh

Gregoryno6 said...

Frankly, I hope the deal dies in the A-R-S-E and sends AOL into oblivion. They started blocking emails from my justhost account to a certain lady friend a while back for no conceivable reason. Justhost contacted them and the block was lifted - for about a week.
Burn in Hell, AOL!