"There are countless horrible things happening all over the world and horrible people prospering, but we must never allow them to disturb our equanimity or deflect us from our sacred duty to sabotage and annoy them whenever possible." -Auberon Waugh
The convergence of National Toilet Paper Day and National Dog Day reminds me of the day I came home from work to find that my dogs had discovered the case of toilet paper in the laundry room and torn it open, scattering toilet paper knee-deep throughout the house. They had a great day. Until I came home.
National Toilet Paper Day and Women's Equality Day celebrated(?) on the same day. There's probably a joke there, but I'll leave that to braver men than I.
BTW, an average of 20,805 sheets per year? That's 57 per day! There's probably a joke there, about women & tp, but again....
Okay, I'm here to set the record straight, thank you, rinardman.
Yes. I use more toilet paper (me, female) than Mr. H (him, male). That's because there are certain fuctions for which, in the male iteration, a shake will do rather than a wipe (the much needed female iteration). This particular process also accounts for the longer time females need to take in powder room activities (I say nothing about primping in front of mirrors, because my experience is that men do this quite as much as women), but it does not account for the short-sighted engineering design of women's restrooms with fewer or even equal number of stalls compared to men's restrooms (which often have unstalled, crowd-friendly urinals or troughs... or maybe the troughs are more European than American, I'm not an expert).
Women take longer (this is a physiological fact, having nothing to do with men's perceptions). Women need more toilet paper. Also physiological.
I make this argument because it has been a point of contention with a particularly impatient, not to say grumpy, male of the family, and now I have it all laid out cogently. Again, thank you, rinardman.
Maybe I should start a blog. Or maybe I should have eschewed that second glass of wine.
No, my heart is still pumping adequately, so maybe I should just start a blog.
Rebecca, I know. I would never question a woman's tp usage, that's why I deferred to braver men to make any jokes on the subject. BTW, a man with a...umm...prostate problem, needs more time than a woman, and a "shake" or two isn't adequate, either. Don't ask how I know.
Go ahead. Start a blog. I just did it today. If I can do it, anyone can. The hardest part is giving it a name. I wanted to join the long list of Blairites with blogs.
Have a great day, Mabel!
ReplyDeleteMabel extends her thanks, Jeff.
ReplyDeleteJeffS, incidentally, is the only blog friend who has ever actually been inside the Paco Command Center.
Is Sheryl Crow taking a minimalist approach to National Toilet Paper Day celebrations? Just asking the important questions.
ReplyDeleteThe convergence of National Toilet Paper Day and National Dog Day reminds me of the day I came home from work to find that my dogs had discovered the case of toilet paper in the laundry room and torn it open, scattering toilet paper knee-deep throughout the house. They had a great day. Until I came home.
ReplyDeleteNational Toilet Paper Day and Women's Equality Day celebrated(?) on the same day.
ReplyDeleteThere's probably a joke there, but I'll leave that to braver men than I.
BTW, an average of 20,805 sheets per year? That's 57 per day! There's probably a joke there, about women & tp, but again....
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Okay, I'm here to set the record straight, thank you, rinardman.
ReplyDeleteYes. I use more toilet paper (me, female) than Mr. H (him, male). That's because there are certain fuctions for which, in the male iteration, a shake will do rather than a wipe (the much needed female iteration). This particular process also accounts for the longer time females need to take in powder room activities (I say nothing about primping in front of mirrors, because my experience is that men do this quite as much as women), but it does not account for the short-sighted engineering design of women's restrooms with fewer or even equal number of stalls compared to men's restrooms (which often have unstalled, crowd-friendly urinals or troughs... or maybe the troughs are more European than American, I'm not an expert).
Women take longer (this is a physiological fact, having nothing to do with men's perceptions). Women need more toilet paper. Also physiological.
I make this argument because it has been a point of contention with a particularly impatient, not to say grumpy, male of the family, and now I have it all laid out cogently. Again, thank you, rinardman.
Maybe I should start a blog. Or maybe I should have eschewed that second glass of wine.
No, my heart is still pumping adequately, so maybe I should just start a blog.
(and I hope all this was funny)
rinardman: Pssst! Dude! I think you better send Rebecca some flowers.
ReplyDeleteJeffS, incidentally, is the only blog friend who has ever actually been inside the Paco Command Center.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, and it's a lovely place!
Just a word of advice for future visitors: When Mabel wants to be petted, pet her.
You have been warned.
Rebecca, I know. I would never question a woman's tp usage, that's why I deferred to braver men to make any jokes on the subject. BTW, a man with a...umm...prostate problem, needs more time than a woman, and a "shake" or two isn't adequate, either. Don't ask how I know.
ReplyDeleteGo ahead. Start a blog. I just did it today. If I can do it, anyone can. The hardest part is giving it a name. I wanted to join the long list of Blairites with blogs.
And yes, it was funny.
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