The Oval Office. The president has called an emergency meeting with David Axelrod and David Plouffe.
Obama: Sit down guys. We’ve got a problem.
Axelrod: What is it, sir? More bad economic news? Evidence of a new terrorist attack?
Plouffe: Is Biden traveling without his handlers again?
Obama: Worse than any of those. Well, except maybe for Joe being on the loose. Anyway, I just saw a video clip of Herman Cain singing a religious song to the tune of “Danny Boy.” That’s not only eating into my African-American constituency, it’s likely to rope in the Irish vote, too. So, I’m thinking it’s time for me to do something authentic…you know, apply the human touch.
Axelrod: No! I mean, er, the voters have come to think of you as sort of superhuman, Mr. President. You wouldn’t want them to see…to see…
Plouffe [whispering to Axelrod]: The little man behind the curtain?
Obama: I heard that! No, no, put your penknife back in your pocket, Plouffe. You don’t need to cut your pinkie off in an act of expiation. It’s gross, and what the hell am I supposed to do with that? I get what you’re driving at. Your basic voter can’t really grasp my awesomeness, so he’s always wondering if I’m a little too good to be true. I think the answer is to change course somewhat, relate to the people on an emotional level. That is why I, too, have decided to release a music video.
Axelrod: But, but, sir! Even the first lady has said you couldn’t carry a tune in a bushel basket.
Plouffe: Begging your pardon, Mr. President, but I heard you humming the other day, and it sounded like a cat clawing at a banjo.
Obama: That was just idle noise. I can belt out a tune when I really want to. Listen to this; it was a big hit back in my community-organizing days:
“Stand up, all victims of oppression,
For the tyrants fear your might,
Don’t cling so hard to your possessions,
For you have nothing if you have no rights…”
Axelrod: Mr. President, that’s the “Internationale”.
Obama: Yeah, kinda catchy, isn’t it?
Axelrod: Sir, it’s associated with various socialist and communist movements.
Plouffe: Besides, Mr. President, it sounded like you were singing the lyrics of the “Internationale” to the tune of the theme song from Gilligan’s Island.
Obama: Oh, come on! Listen to the rest of it:
And Stalin, too,
and his wife…”
No, wait, that’s not right. Here, let me start from the top…
Plouffe: Mr. President, that song simply won’t do, no matter how, er, well you sing it. Please, drop the singing idea.
Obama [sulkily]: Well…we’ll see.
* * * * * * * * *
A Presidential press conference.
Obama: I’d like to close, today, with something a little upbeat. *Ahem*
“Happy days are here again
The skies above are clear again
So let's sing a song of cheer again
Happy days are here again…”
Jake Tapper (ABC News): I recognize the lyrics, but…
Brad Smilo (Paco World News Daily): Why is he singing “Happy Days Are Here Again” to the tune of “Deutschland über alles”? Beats me.