Thursday, December 22, 2011

Politics – Open Thread

There’s a whole lot of sniping going on among conservatives about the Republican presidential candidates. Not a surprise, given the rise of the new media, and, overall, I think vigorous debate is a healthy thing (although I do worry a bit about how much of the snark is going to wind up as sound bites in Obama’s campaign ads next year). My own campaign has failed to gain traction; unfortunately, most respondents to my research team’s surveys seem to think that paquismo is some kind of spicy salsa dip. Sensing this, the competition has been swamping me with invitations to throw my support behind one candidate or another. For example, I recently received a letter from Mitt Romney:

Dear Paco:

You’ve run a great race, but since I’m destined to win the nomination anyway, why not associate yourself with the in-crowd right now? I will need a man with your vast international experience to assist my foreign policy team, perhaps in an ambassadorial role, particularly since there is much work to do in repairing our relationship with, shall we say, Monaco? Take a day or two to think it over. But don’t delay too long – I might change my mind.

Warmest personal regards,


Then I got an email from Newt Gingrich:

Dear Paco:

I would like to invite you to join forces with my presidential campaign. Together, we can rekindle the vision of the founding fathers, the dream of a nation dedicated to personal freedom and rooted in veneration for the original precepts of our sacred constitution.

If that doesn’t work, we can fall back on Plan B, under which I will seize the government, establish a junta and arrest the Supreme Court. I think you would be ideal as the Governor-General of Florida, incidentally.

Best wishes,


Ron Paul telephoned and left a message on my answering machine. At first I thought it was my Aunt Peaches, calling to complain about her swollen feet, but I quickly discovered my mistake.

Paul: Hi, Paco. You know, this campaign is exhausting! This is the first time I’ve had a minute to sit down and put my feet up in weeks. Anyway, you’ve no doubt been watching the news, and you’ve seen how my faithful Paul-bots have been helping me build momentum. I’ve got a proposition for you: come join me, and I’ll find a nice spot for you on the domestic side of government. Unless you’re ready to renounce all that Zionist nonsense, in which case I might be willing to give you some kind of international posting – maybe ambassador to Iran. Call me.

Rick Perry simply sent me a cowboy hat with a hand-scribbled note: “Merry Christmas, Pancho!”

Well, I’m still thinking ‘em all over (and by “all”, I mean “not quite all”).What’s the word out there in Paco Nation?


JeffS said...

I see no mention of zeppelins and fedoras from the others. Continue your independent run, please.

bruce said...

Where is the Ronald Reagan of our era?

Well he was one-of-a-kind. Seems a career politician is a safer bet than an outsider. But strong Federal govt is the growing problem, a candidate isn't motivated to saw off the branch he sits on.

We need to cut off the Federal 'cancer's food supply to shrink it. Working at state level should be the antidote, but Big Labor already has the local level covered too, as well as the Top (and the Globe too!)

Dante said it:

Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita
mi ritrovai per una selva oscura,
ché la diritta via era smarrita.

'Midway on life's journey, I came upon a dark forest, for the straight path was lost'

Ahi quanto a dir qual era è cosa dura
esta selva selvaggia e aspra e forte
che nel pensier rinova la paura!

'Ah, how rueful to say what sort it was this wilderness wild and harsh and daunting that in my thoughts makes my fright alive again!'

bruce said...

Still, Paco is my choice.

Steve Burri said...

Dear Paco,

We here at the Burri/Burri campaign headquarters would like to congratulate you on your spirited but futile run for the White House.

If you should see fit to join us and return the U.S. on a Constitutional path, we would like to offer you a position unlike the other candidates. You will be asked to be all the Paco you can be and from that you will be pretty much left alone.

Burri/Burri 2012

rinardman said...

I would suggest, if your campaign fails to get traction due to the close minded, anti-fedora MSM election coverage, that you hold out till the eventual nominee starts looking for a VP. Then, make your move.

After all, being the #1 VP in history beats the #4 President.

Col. Milquetoast said...

Ron Paul is going to have ambassadors! I didn't think he'd compromise on something like that. He must think highly of you because I thought he was going to replace the entire ambassador system with an automated phone system that never connects to a live person.

Check your spam filters for messages from the other minor presidential candidates, I forget their names but I'm pretty sure none of them are named Viagra or are from Nigeria.

SwampWoman said...

So, Rick Perry is the only guy that actually gave you anything in consideration, hunh? I'd go with Perry.

RebeccaH said...

I'm still holding out hope for Perry... even if he did get your name wrong, Paco.

(I have to admit, that made me laugh.)

Michael Lonie said...

Rinardman is right Paco, hold out for the VP spot. After all, if Joe Biden can successfully fill the position, anybody can. Aspire to be as good a VP as Calvin Coolidge (and you can't get better than that). Then you can look forward to more exalted posts after your service as VP, like commissioner for solid waste disposal for New York City. And if the Good Lord should, sadly, see fit to call to His presence your running mate (whomever he might be), you will undoubtedly make a much better President than would Hillary, or Ron Paul; or than did James Buchanan, Jimmy Carter, or the present incumbent.

Come to think of it, Bozo the clown would make a better President than the incumbent. I wonder if I could write in his name if Ron Paul is the nominee?

Bob Belvedere said...

I'm with you still, all the way!