President Obama: the Brad Smilo pre-convention interview

Good morning. This is Brad Smilo of Paco World News Daily (PWND), and I have a very special guest today. It's good to, er, see you, Mr. President.

"Good to see you again, too, Brad."

Mr. President, as you head into the convention, the Republicans have been repeating the refrain, "are you better off now than you were four years ago?" How do you respond to that, sir?

"Oh, I'm much better off than I was four years ago, Brad. I was just a junior U.S. Senator, then, kind of at loose ends, you know, looking for something to do. And then - Bam! - president of the United States."

Actually, sir, I think the Republicans are addressing their question to the public at large. Are they better off than they they were four years ago?

"Are you kidding? Unemployment was around 6.7% at the end of 2008, when Bush was still in charge. That was pretty high."

Well, yes, but it's now well over 8%, and has been for practically all of your term of office."

"Sure, for my first term. But in my second term, you'll see us do a 360 on the unemployment figures."

Isn't that supposed to be a 180?

"Who are you? Paul Ryan? Numbers aren't everything.

Well, then, let's turn to something non-numerical, something that's maybe a little closer to your comfort zone. That big sand sculpture of you at the convention site; isn't that a tad...

"Awesome?"

Vain is the word I was looking for. Or perhaps pretentious. Certainly provocative, and very much open to ridicule. For example, rain has already washed part of it away. The Republicans might pounce on that and say it's a metaphor for your presidency. Besides, the way the mouth is shaped, it looks like you just jammed a whole sugar cookie in your gob.

"The rain was no doubt the result of sabotage. Elizabeth Warren heard from her tribal contacts that the Republicans hired a shaman from the Lumbee Indians to do a rain dance. Humph! Just see if they get federal recognition for their tribe in my second term! And I don't see it as being a metaphor at all, except possibly as a symbol of the urgency of our fight against man-made climate change. By the way, don't mention that sugar cookie thing to Michelle, ok?"

No, no. Your secret is safe with me. One last question, Mr. President. There continues to be a lot of talk about the possibility of dropping Joe Biden from the ticket. Any truth at all to those rumors?

"No, that's just idle speculation. I'm sticking with Joe."

Excuse me, sir, but is there any significance to the fact that you just crossed your fingers?

"What? Er, no, of course not! I was simply, um, picking at my cuticle. Heh. Bad habit."

I see we're out of time, so let we wish you luck at the convention, and I'll see you there.

"Not if I see you first. Heh-heh. Just kidding, Brad.

Mr. President, you're doing that thing with your fingers again...

"Darn cuticles!"

Everybody have a great Empty Chair Day!

H/T for image, Gateway Pundit

Update: National Empty Chair Day is off to a great start!

It's a terrific riff on Clint Eastwood's shtick at the RNC, during which he addressed an empty chair that served as the perfect proxy for our hapless president. Unfortunately, the vast federal bureaucracy over which Obama reigns offers anything but an empty chair. In fact, it more closely resembles this:

That needs to go, too.

(Photo by Reuters, via the Telegraph and Riehl World News).