Good morning. This is Brad Smilo of Paco World News Daily (PWND), and I have a very special guest today. It's good to, er, see you, Mr. President.
Mr. President, as you head into the convention, the Republicans have been repeating the refrain, "are you better off now than you were four years ago?" How do you respond to that, sir?
Actually, sir, I think the Republicans are addressing their question to the public at large. Are they better off than they they were four years ago?
Well, yes, but it's now well over 8%, and has been for practically all of your term of office."
Isn't that supposed to be a 180?
Well, then, let's turn to something non-numerical, something that's maybe a little closer to your comfort zone. That big sand sculpture of you at the convention site; isn't that a tad...
Vain is the word I was looking for. Or perhaps pretentious. Certainly provocative, and very much open to ridicule. For example, rain has already washed part of it away. The Republicans might pounce on that and say it's a metaphor for your presidency. Besides, the way the mouth is shaped, it looks like you just jammed a whole sugar cookie in your gob.
No, no. Your secret is safe with me. One last question, Mr. President. There continues to be a lot of talk about the possibility of dropping Joe Biden from the ticket. Any truth at all to those rumors?
Excuse me, sir, but is there any significance to the fact that you just crossed your fingers?
I see we're out of time, so let we wish you luck at the convention, and I'll see you there.
Mr. President, you're doing that thing with your fingers again...
Everybody have a great Empty Chair Day!
Update: National Empty Chair Day is off to a great start!
It's a terrific riff on Clint Eastwood's shtick at the RNC, during which he addressed an empty chair that served as the perfect proxy for our hapless president. Unfortunately, the vast federal bureaucracy over which Obama reigns offers anything but an empty chair. In fact, it more closely resembles this:
That needs to go, too.
(Photo by Reuters, via the Telegraph and Riehl World News).