But help is on the way. For the low, low price of $19.95, Preemptive Atomic Counter-Ordnance, a division of PACO Consumer Defense Industries, can give you complete peace of mind with the Blast Master II.
This state of the art personal anti-nuclear defense system is guaranteed to fully protect you from any North Korean missiles that have the range to reach Austin, Texas. With one flick of your thumb, the Blast Master II deploys automatically to shield you from radiation, shock waves and even a direct hit from any North Korean missiles that have the range to reach Austin, Texas. Take advantage of our volume discount to arm the whole neighborhood!
Why spend a small fortune constructing an underground bunker? For a fraction of the cost, you can acquire all the protection you need against any North Korean missiles that have the range to reach Austin, Texas with the Blast Master II.
Don’t delay, order today (particularly if you live in Austin, Texas).
No warranty needed.
ReplyDeleteIf it fails to work, cinders can't complain.
Austin Texas, sure. But what about Dayton Ohio and environs? I know we're a blue-sorta state, but isn't there something in Perdurable Asset Caching Offshore accounts that should at least offer us recompense*, in case the Blast Master II doesn't live up to manufacturer's specs? Not saying that it won't, of course.
ReplyDelete*Provided our houses are still standing after the North Korean Nuclear War, and we're still living, unradiated, in them?
Given that the missiles are Artillery, and being fired by gunners, it is axiomatic that the safest place to be is on the target at which they are aiming.
ReplyDeleteCheers
I'm pretty sure the Zardozian command and control compound in central New Mexico lies directly under the flight path of any NORK missile headed for Austin. I will mention the availability of the Blast Master II mobile shield to the attendees of the neighborhood watch meeting tomorrow morning.
ReplyDeleteWill there be a significant discount for bulk orders? Does it come in a digital desert camo pattern? I'm afraid the blue is a little too sissified for the local population.
Zardoz: We will be glad to customize your Blast Masters for a very nominal charge.
ReplyDeleteRebecca: They'll work in Ohio, too.
I hope those umbrella manufacturers are also the fine folks that made the all-purpose shelter for yesterdays children, namely, the School Desk which provided shelter for tornadoes, hurricanes, nuclear attacks, and volcanic eruptions.
ReplyDelete*sigh* They just don't make school desks like that anymore.
I'm thinking that Austin is in the Nork cross hairs because Dear Leader can't get barbeque ribs deliveries.
ReplyDeleteNot quite Nukes, but.....
ReplyDeleteYears ago, I visited the DMZ between North & South Korea. Even during that period of relative calm, it was tense. (The 1976 axe murders of two American soldiers is remembered like it was yesterday.)
We were instructed not to make any gestures or quick movements toward the North at all. Facing us with his back towards the North, the military escort described geological formations in the hills locating snipers aiming at us. We could see them.
The DMZ is about 40 miles from Seoul. You can see the North from the restaurant on the top of Seoul Tower on a clear day. The bridges over the freeway to the DMZ (which is strategically placed among the hills)are designed to be blown and fall across the road. There are many of them - on purpose.
The grim joke has always been that Northern invaders would make it to Seoul but no further. They'd find food in Seoul and gorge themselves stupid and stop right there.
Rebecca: Close to Wright Patt, are you?? Hmmmm
Anon,
ReplyDeleteIn the great German offensive of the spring of 1918, the German troops, after years of enduring privations owing to the British naval blockade, were significantly delayed in their advance and stopped, because the troops stopped to loot the British supply dumps they captured, giving the British Army time to bring up reserves. That joke is not so far-fetched at all.
Well, seeing as how their latest firecracker fits conveniently in a cave, I don't see any..
ReplyDeleteOh. Ooooohhh...
Right! I'm signing up RIGHT NOW!
Hey, I recognize that item! All you've done is repackage the Chamberlain Personal Anti-Nazi Shield!
ReplyDeleteWell done, sir. I expect that the, er, Blast Master will work just as well in its repurposed role as it did in the original one.
you amelicans dare raughing at us? think wee in North Korea not strong? We have levorutionaly zeal come out you yang. we have rocket can destroy capatirist moon if want. you see, you cry rike starving peasant sooon.
ReplyDeleteP.S tell dennis lodman not worry, nothing persoanl.
(Penguinator)
Steve,
ReplyDeleteShouldn't that be the Chamberlain Readiness Antinazi Parasol?
They're gonna nuke the Politicians, Progs and Lefty Professors in Austin.
ReplyDelete*Consults wind map*
DO YOUR WORST, YOU COMMIE BASTIDS!
Being as how "Amelika" is a target, perhaps the monies should be sent to the Pecuniary Auxiliary Contingency Overseas bolt-hole?
ReplyDeleteAustralia (not on child-leader's target board) has a strong currency, more or less speaks the language, has good beaches & strong liquor aplenty.
Paco, I'll hold all money for you until after armageddon.
Thanks, Steve. Just put it under the drawer in the cash register.
ReplyDeleteI live in Austin, and if he really thinks his bubble-gum nukes can get here, then bring it on.
ReplyDeleteAnon: Not to worry. His missiles are housed in U-shaped silos provided by Paco Industries.
ReplyDelete