He could have dragged Gertrude Lawrence with him to Moscow and let her warble “Getting to Know You” at Joseph Stalin.
Well, no point in mourning what might have been. Time to look around the world today and see what might be done in the same vein.
And here we have it! John Kerry went to Paris with ageing James Taylor in tow, and the latter sang his old stand-by, “You’ve Got a Friend”. If this doesn’t cause Al-Qaeda to immediately stack arms, withdraw from the terrorist war and disperse its men to go home and grow chickpeas or whatever, I don’t know what will.
Let’s see, might need to modify the lyrics a bit. Let’s take a look at the first verse and refrain:
When you're down and troubled and you need a helping hand
and nothing, whoa, nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be there to brighten up even your darkest nights.
You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call and I'll be there, yeah, yeah,
you've got a friend.
Ok, let’s now make this thing more relevant, starting with the second verse and a new refrain…
But please give us sufficient notice, so we can tape the playoff games,
And we’ll need time to get our security in gear,
So if you open your eyes and I’m not there yet, I may be golfing but I’m thinking of you.
You just call out my name, and if I’ve time, wherever I am,
I’ll send Kerry running to see you again,
Winter, spring, summer or fall, pick a time when there ain’t no pro ball, and I’ll be there, yeah, yeah,
You’ve got a nodding acquaintance.
I realize that last little bit, there, ain't very, whaddaya call, mellifluous, but "friend" just doesn't seem to really fit.
BTW, the blogosphere is all over this: Ed Driscoll ( twice), Allahpundit, and NRO among many. In fact, probably the best comment, so far, is (not surprisingly) from Iowahawk, and is included in a list of Tweets in the NRO piece: "Dear Terrorists: please accept this lovely wind chime fashioned from our testicles." -Western Civilization".
Kerry, of course, ordered up the deluxe clown car, with all the options. The James Taylor serenade was bad enough, but Kerry's introduction somehow made it even worse. He was in France, he said, to "give Paris a big hug" ("The hair! Careful with the hair!").
I have learned from sources at Paco World News Daily (PWND) that Kerry expects to repeat this, er, success in a different venue on his next trip to Egypt; he'll be bringing along Ray Stevens...