John Boehner called Ted Cruz "Lucifer" during the Q&A session after a speech he gave recently.
After which, he downed a glass of gin, lit a cigarette and spontaneously combusted. Attendees pointedly refused to p*ss on him.
"There are countless horrible things happening all over the world and horrible people prospering, but we must never allow them to disturb our equanimity or deflect us from our sacred duty to sabotage and annoy them whenever possible." -Auberon Waugh