Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Murderer of Hillary's career identified

We all figured it was Obama or Comey or Putin. Whoever would have guessed that it was actually...Bruce Springsteen? But the guy has confessed: "A Letter of Apology From Bruce Springsteen for Letting Trump Win".
So I ask again: Could I have made a difference in the last election? Some people think I’m one of the few people who actually could have.

It’s been suggested that in the weeks and months leading up to the election, I should have followed Trump around from rally to rally, especially in September and October when he was hitting the Rust Belt states hard. After all, those are supposed to be “my” people, too.
Yeah, but they're not "your" people, Bruce. They're genuine blue-collar folk, whereas you, with your $20 million mansion and all the other perks that come from being a successful recording artist, haven't been blue-collar for decades. Trump isn't blue-collar either, but he seems to genuinely feel their pain, whereas they were just fodder for your dreary lyrics.

This is my favorite part:
Now, just because you could have shot Hitler, that doesn’t mean you are guilty because you didn’t, right? I mean, probably 5 million Germans could have killed Hitler at one point, but we can’t condemn every one of them, right?

And by the way, I’m not suggesting we kill anyone! This is just a comparison—an analogy. Or is it a metaphor?
I dunno. Maybe it's a simile. Or hyperbole. I'm putting my money on It's Just Bruce Springsteen Jerking Off In Front of a Giant Mental Poster of Himself (No offense, dude. That's just an analogy. Or maybe a metaphor).

If there's a prize for the Most Nauseating Example of Pretentious Narcissism Published in a Newspaper or Magazine, you ought to win in a walk.

And perhaps this is heretical - certainly it is to your fans - but I always thought your voice positively sucked. The slight quaver that is probably intended to represent passion always struck me as stemming from a cluster of nodules on your larynx, and the raspiness that you no doubt believe conveys an authentic workin' man vibe sounds like the morning after a long night power-sucking smoke from bad weed through a clogged kick hole on a bong.


Old Sailor Man said...

Spot on, Paco.

Anonymous said...

Don't be so hard on yourself, Bruce. You sound like an unintelligent crybaby. Only a small cult of people with no lives consider you as such a huge impact on the world as you think you are. The majority of your fan base has grown up now. They have had to go out and live in the real world and work for a living, they have become the real versions of your paper characters.

Holding My Nose said...

How big is his ego to say that he could have swung the election?

rinardman said...

Bruce Springsteen, a Legend In His Own Mind.

He had one song I 'kind of' liked when it first came out, but over the years, as Paco said, his voice has gotten annoying and his political views more so. Now, when I listen to the Amazon '70s station if one of his songs is played, I quickly hit the skip button to get past the annoyance.

RebeccaH said...

Well said, Mr. Paco sir.

Veeshir said...

I like Springsteen's early stuff. The River is when I stopped buying his albums.
Before that he sang about how factory-NJ sucked. Now most of the factories have left NJ and it sucks for entirely different reasons.

Shooting Hitler would be the worst thing you could do.
All Germany would have done was get another dictator and that one might not have been crazy enough to keep doing crazy things and lose the war.

Shooting Chamberlain, Daladier and King Leopold III of Belgium, on the other hand, might have accomplished something useful.

Mike_W said...

Nobody does snark like Paco.

Paco said...

Thankee, Mike.

Holding My Nose: I think the guy's got ego coming out of his ears.

JeffS said...

Hey, Paco, tell us you really feel! :D

I once liked him (some of his songs are OK), but he turned into another pretentious prima donna from Hollywood. He really started going bats**t crazy around the 2001 terrorist attacks.

Here, he merely demonstrates his full on insanity.