Sunday, March 12, 2017

Sunday funnies

(The above images gratefully pinched from Powerline's "The Week in Pictures")

Millennial manliness...

More room out than there is in (canine edition).

Coincidence or flamboyant stunt? "Miami lawyer’s pants erupt in flames during arson trial in court"

Via an email from one of my engineering buddies:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, United Parcel Service pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics..
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.


rinardman said...

I would add to that first one: ...starting with all the Dimocrats in Congress.

And I think that last one is a remake of a older, WWII version involving bomber pilots & their mechanics. Unless UPS uses planes with internal combustion engines, which I doubt.

It's still funny, tho.

RebeccaH said...

Loved the airplane mechanics gag. But now I have to wonder: Do McCain and Sanders actually moonlight at the Muppet Show in Disneyworld? If not, they should consider it. They're perfect.

Deborah said...

Why moonlight at the Muppet Show... make it permanent. On-the-other hand, I like the Muppets too much to inflict these two on them.

HAL9000 said...

Not to mention that Statler and Waldorf have a charm the senators lack.

bruce said...

Loved the airplane stuff especially.