Thursday, May 3, 2018

To my "Australian" readers

Ok, guys, where do you live really?

22 comments:

RebeccaH said...

Well, come on. A place where mammals have duck bills and pouches? Spiders as big as dinner plates and thirteen times as poisonous as sarin gas? A country that burns to death every couple of years? Nah, such a place couldn't really exist.

Steve Skubinna said...

I've been to Fremantle and Perth. Darwin. Sydney. Rockhampton.

Or that's what they told us. Wonder where we really went? Movie set? Theme park?

rinardman said...

All of my brothers, and my sister, have been to Australia. Or so they say.

Now I wonder where Quantas actually took'em! And does this mean Tim Blair is just a internet hoax?

bruce said...

Hahahaha, yes you've found us out. We actually broadcast from a building in Canada, and those 'trips'? - CGI.

Paco said...

R-man: Maybe this is why Tim Blair went behind a firewall. People were getting too close to the truth.

Bruce: I have it on good authority that the so-called Aussie accent is actually just the patois spoken by an isolated group of Scotch-Irish folks who live in the marshland near Coinjock, North Carolina. Also, they're known for sleeping with their hats on, which would explain the famous Australian headgear. Plus, they use something very like Vegemite as a plaster for snake bite.

bruce said...

That's why the Sydney Harbour Bridge looks like it was built by Huey Long, and the Opera House looks like a bunch of lobster traps.

richard mcenroe said...

My Australian friend ran off with my imaginary Canadian girlfriend.

Deborah said...

You got it! Tim Blair is a hoax because he is really a special agent masquerading as a blogger/columnist. What more proof does one need than knowing he claims to be from Oz?

Deborah said...

You got it! Tim Blair is a hoax. He's a special agent undercover as a blogger/columnist. What additional proof does one need than Blair claims to be from OZ.

Mike_W said...

I was going to go down the road for some take-away this evening.
But when I opened the door, there was nothing outside but ocean.
So I'm staying in until someone confirms that Australia really does exist and returns it.

Jim Clarke said...

I'm an actor? Where the hell are my cheques? Will I get paid if there are reruns?
My life has been a lie!
I'm shattered.

Paco said...

Jim: At least you have the satisfaction of a job well done.

Steve Skubinna said...

Yes "Jim," your performance was almost believable.

JeffS said...

Maybe Australia is just a hologram, similar to the "Star Trek" shows.......

Steve Skubinna said...

"I come from a 'gram Down Under
Where women glow and men chunder..."

Paco said...

Steve: Spelling the word "cheques" instead of "checks" was a nice touch.

Steve Skubinna said...

Paco, that's what clued me in. It should have been spelled "Czechs."

Paco said...

Reminds me of a joke from the Cold War era. A Czech, who happened to be of short stature, was spying for the West. He ultimately is found out and must flee the country. He figures that the Reds will be watching the airports and train stations and approaches the British embassy under the cover of darkness. The secret police, who had been watching the embassy, give chase, and the little man clambers over the embassy fence in the nick of time and manages to convince the guards to let him in to see the British Ambassador. The astonished ambassador is introduced to the spy, who is huffing and puffing from his narrow escape. He extends his hand to the diplomat and says, "Glad to meet you, Mr. Ambassador. Do you suppose you could cache a small Czech?"

Gregoryno6 said...

Great. I'm living in Capricorn One.
That mythical line that runs through mythical Rockhampton should have been a clue.

HAL9000 said...

Damn, they found us out. We're going to need a meeting of the top people of the International Neocon Conspiracy (TM) as soon as possible. Paco, is there room at your place to park twenty black helicopters?

Paco said...

Hal: Yeah, there's some undeveloped land across the street, ought to be able to fit 'em in. We need to do whatever we can to save Australia, Ltd.

Deborah said...

Perhaps the Flat Earthers got the flat part right. Earth is like a map: flip it over and there is Australia and the rest of down under. However, the question is is the map a table or travel version. The Aborigines would confirm the latter; they know about the fold.