Hello. We’re here again with our in-house expert on environmental matters, Oscar the Oak Tree. Today, we wanted to talk to Oscar about the gap between words and deeds that seems to dog celebrity proponents of global-warming theories.
Paco: So, Oscar, how’s it hangin’?
Oscar: How’s what hangin’? I’m an oak, not a mango.
Paco: Just a figure of speech. Skip it. Listen, our readers – both of them – are a little worked up over what they see as rampant hypocrisy on the part of famous people who bang the global-warming drum, but whose carbon footprints are far larger than the average Joe’s. Al Gore, for example, has a house that burns up enough power to run scores of regular-size homes, and his usage is up 10% over last year. And as Roger Kimball points out, President Bush’s home in Texas is far more environmentally friendly.
Oscar: Yeah, Kimball’s good (I mean, if you can get past the bow tie). Anyhow, that’s all par for the course, isn’t it? Sacrifice is for the little people, Paco. The big dawgs always exempt themselves from the rules they want to impose on others. And, please, don’t get me started on Al Gore.
Paco: What would you say to Al Gore if he were here, today?
Oscar: I wouldn’t say anything to him. I’d throw a squirrel at the bottom of his pants leg and holler, “Up you go, boy!” When I think of all the trees that were destroyed to manufacture that human weather balloon’s idiotic books – well, it just gives me leaf blight!
Paco: So, you think Al Gore should lead by way of example?
Oscar: Sure – as long as his path leads blindly off a high cliff that’s looming over a stand of prickly-pear cactus. And I hope all the other climate fabulists will, indeed, follow his example. Nobel laureate! What, are they handing those medals out like Halloween candy, these days?
Paco: Thanks for talking with us, Oscar. We’ll be seeing you again, no doubt.
Oscar: Yeah, back at you. Oh, and do me a favor, will you? See if you can’t do something about these bag worms; they’re really giving me the willies. All those hundreds of creepy little footsteps make me feel like an anteroom full of lobbyists outside of Congressman Murtha’s office.
11 comments:
God! So ummm, you have those kinda trees too, huh?
Mrs. Cid has those on quite a few trees around this part of the mountain.
In fact, she's got one on Stumpy the Dwarf (that's the remains of the tree that fell on the house).
Yep, Stumpy looks directly at the house. Ain't that sweet?
I’d throw a squirrel at the bottom of his pants leg and holler, “Up you go, boy!”
LOL!
Look out, Al!
El cid: Yeah, I don't know what's up with that. I just happened to notice that our neighbor had made a face on one of his oak trees, and I figured - Presto! - a real environmental expert.
Spot: The acorn surge! LOL!
Pic of the hand, is the last known photo of that human, alive.
From what I understand, Special Ops Squirrel, lost it.
The body attached to the hand was found shortly thereafter, riddled with bullets.
Discreet film, at 11.
Words heard from Special Ops Squirrel, as he was led to his cage were...
"I have no recolletcion of what happened, I just went nuts"
and recollection, too.
Trees are indeed smarter than Al Gore.
More useful, as well.
My trees tell me when it's going to rain. That's it. They're not very talkative, and they don't have faces, but I bet they're a lot less wooden than AlGore.
The next door neighbour knocked on my door the other day...(I live in a semi. No, not a truck, I believe it's what you cousins call a duplex.) Anyway, he told me my holly tree was attacking the guttering and asked, (politely), if I could do something about it.
So, Paco, if you could give me a few tips on how to talk to trees, (well I can probably manage the talking bit, it's the getting them to listen that's the hard part), so I can persuade it to to stop attacking the gutters. (And start putting out some berries around December time cos maybe I can sell some pretty sprigs and make up some of the money the gardener's going to cost.)
Thanks in advance
Kevin B
I don't want ever to get into an argument with Oscar....
That would be a case of snarking up the wrong tree.
Kevin: The main thing about talking to trees is that it's important not to be seen talking to trees (some people just wouldn't understand).
With respect to Hollies, they're tough to talk to; you know, all prickly and everything. Try talking to it in a very soothing, respectful tone, while sharpening an ax.
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