(PWN) - Following up on his unprecedented decision to compel the resignation of GM CEO Richard Wagoner, President Obama yesterday afternoon also fired Mr. Sanjay Patel, night manager of the Main Street 7-11 in Fairfax, Virginia.
Mr. Patel was surprised to arrive at the store to begin his regular shift, only to find that he had been barred from entering the premises. Mr. Timothy Geithner has temporarily assumed the night manager job, in addition to his other duties as Secretary of the Treasury. Mr. Geithner declined to speak to the press last night, beyond asserting that he was too busy trying to fix a leaky Slurpee machine, and that he was in the initial stages of an investigation into an alleged shortage of Milk Duds and Hostess Ho-Hos.
Mr. Patel, contacted at his home late last night, indicated that he was shocked to find out that he had been fired. When asked about the reason for his termination of employment, he said that he had received a call from White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, who conveyed the President’s decision. “He told me dat it was because I failed to collect de new cigarette tax on two cartons of Camels. I tried to explain to him dat I had been robbed at gunpoint by two men, and dat dey demanded de cigarettes, in addition to stealing all de monies in de cash register. I mean, what was I subbosed to do? But he said dat I should have deducted de tax from de dodal amount of cash dat I handed over.”
The White House issued a press release today on Mr. Patel’s firing, underscoring the administration’s “zero tolerance” policy on the failure of merchants to collect federal sales taxes. “Those taxes,” the official statement said, “are destined to support health care for children. This is something for which all citizens should be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice.” The written statement, incidentally, was the first to be issued under the administration’s new policy of substituting an advertisement featuring the 2009 Chevrolet Silverado truck in place of the presidential seal.
(Hey, under the Obama presidency, every day is April Fool's Day! BTW, here's an April Fool's post that is more upbeat)