Jus' Leave Everyt'ing to Us

Hi ya, citizens!

Ya know, de healt’ care system in dis great country is kinda messed up. Too many of yez gotta pay dem big premiums to dose cross-town insurance companies, and a lotta youse guys ain’t even got no coverage. Sump’n happens to yez – you know, like, maybe, ya get carved up for skimmin’ a little cream off de top on a drug deal, or get punched in de face at a tea-bag riot – ya got no place to go, ‘ceptin’ like, maybe, de emergency room, an’ de hospital might even dump yez off on…er, well, no need to bodder yez wit’ all dem little details.

Anyhow, what I’m sayin’ is, it looks to us like youse people need a partner, see? From now on, youse’ll be gettin’ yer beer from us...Heh! Sorry. I mean, youse’ll be gettin’ yer healt’ care from us. And here’s two good t’ings about dis new arrangement: number 1, youse’ll always have dis coverage, until, maybe, ya get kinda long in de toot’, den we’ll talk; an’, b, as a silent partner – I mentioned dat, right? About how youse need to shaddap about tea bags an’ socialism an’ all dat crap? – ya won’t have nuttin’ to grouse about (or to, for dat matter), which’ll save wear and tear on de ol’ larrynix.

Can’t refuse a good deal like dat…right?