Friday, October 9, 2009

It’s Yewnanimous!

Transcript of the proceedings of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee earlier this year.

A low murmur of Norwegian chit-chat is heard. The Chairman bangs the gavel to bring the meeting to order.

Chairman Thorbjøm Jagland: Vell, ever’body, let’s get dis herring boat on de fjord. Ve vill now take under consideration nominations fer de Nobel Peace Prize. Sissel, vould yew like to go first?

Sissel: Ja, tank yew, Meester Chairman. I’d like tew nominate de Dalai Lama.

Thorbjøm: Yumpin’ yimminy, Sissel! Yew alvays go fer de easy pickins! Yew got tew larn tew t’ink outside de box. Ja, ja, Kaci, I see yer hand flappin’ in de air like a vind sock. Go ahett.

Kaci: I t’ink ve ought tew giff de prize tew Yorge Boosh [suggestion met with jeers and catcalls]. Vait a goldarn minute, folks! Hear me out. Now, ve all know dat Yorge Boosh had fascist tendencies, but he stopped short a’ launchin’ a kew d’etat. Mebbe ve giff him de prize, he don’t come back, by golly.

Thorbjøm: Kaci, vhen I say yew all got tew larn tew t’ink outside de box, yew still got tew haff sump’n tew t’ink outside de box vit. Yorge Boosh! Uff da! Now [clears throat] I got me a idear about hew ve could nominate. How about de President of de Yew Ess A?

Kaci: But dat’s ‘zactly vhat I vas tawkin about…

Thorbjøm: No, no, no. Not de alt president. De new vun.

Inger-Marie: Yew mean de black feller? Baruch Whoosis?

Thorbjøm: Try tew stay informed, Inger-Marie. De name ain’t “Baruch Whoosis”; it’s Baruch Øbama.

Agot: But, Meester Chairman, he ain’t done nuttin’ yet.

Thorbjøm: Vhat d’yew mean “he ain’t done nuttin’yet”? He got hisself elected in a country vhere de vite people hate de blacks.

Agot: But, if de vite people hate de blacks, how did he get elected in de first place?

Thorbjøm: Hmm. Vell, yew got me, dere, Agot. But consider dis here: he tawks a pretty gewd game on furrin policy, by grannies! Vhy, giff him a year or tew, and I betcha kroner tew donuts he redewces American influence an’ power to sump’n like Belgium’s – or mebbe even Canada’s!

[Murmurs of approval arise from around the table]

Thorbjøm: Okey-doke, denn. Baruch Øbama it is. Now, hew’s up fer some hjortebakkels und café?

[The Committee retires in a convivial mood, another excellent choice under their belts]


Steve Burri said...

Polyglot Paco. He speaks and writes Norwegian, Cosa Nostran, and sometimes even English.

Bob Belvedere said...

You, sir, are a bloody genius.

Three cheers for Paco!

Quoted from and linked to at:

JeffS said...

Them Norwegians have lutefisk on the brains.

Paco said...

Jeff: Lutefisk for brains.

Thankee, Bob.

Tommy Shanks said...

As a Norskie-Americano I am deeply, deeply offended sir.

JeffS said...

Paco, you do realize how lutefisk is made, don't you?

Still, you're probably right. That would explain much.

JeffS said...

BTW, Paco, according to the DNC, we are terrorists for mocking O!bama's Nobel Peace Prize.

Which is cool. The Oslo Committee gave one to Arrafat, a known terrorist.

So, where's my Nobel Peace Prize?

Paco said...

Jeff: Yuck!

Tommy: Yew need to vurk on dat hypersensitivity.

Col. Milquetoast said...

Next you should write about Brad Woodhouse, the DNC communications director who said :

"The Republican Party has thrown in its lot with the terrorists - the Taliban and Hamas this morning - in criticizing the President for receiving the Nobel Peace prize..."

You may have to look up the onomatopoeias for hyperventilating and bedwetting.

Minicapt said...

Because it is important:


Old Tanker said...

That sounded like a meeting of the ice fishing club in Waskish Minnisota, or maybe the Lutheran church council........

Isophorone said...

If we are terrorists for criticizing Obama's Nobel Peace Prize, does that mean we qualify for Federal funding?

Paco said...

Isophorone: Only if we become more like Hezbollah.

mojo said...

Det vaar som vanden!

Isophorone said...

Apparently that guy Jagland has a bit of a reputation for sexual harassment, too!

RebeccaH said...

Baruch O(slash)bama!!


kc said...

Lutefisk - the Norwegian word for 'fish jello.'

I love lefse, but lutefisk is what the committee's brains are made of, I am convinced of that, JeffS. Nasty, stinky...the bane of ALL children of Norwegian heritage!

Tommy Shanks said...

Yes, dat drasted lutefisk makes de brain turn to yellow. I also tink dat dere committee had too much of dat rich rømmegrøt. Probably on a soogar high when they picked ol' Baruch.

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