Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Obama/Paco debates

Transcript of a debate conducted via conference call between President of the United States, Barack Obama, and presidential candidate Paco, leader of the Paquista wing of the Republican Party. Moderator: Brad Smilo of Paco World News Daily.

Smilo: This is Brad Smilo. Paco, are you on the line?

Paco: Yeah, hold a sec, Brad; I’m just finishing up some important private business here [You know what? Hold the onions on that Big Burger, and make it a large order of fries, ok?] All right, Brad, I’m back. Have you got Himself on the line, yet?

Smilo: Let’s see. Yes, it looks like I’ve got somebody on line three. Hello? Mr. President?

Voice: This is Todd Bannerman III, Deputy Assistant to the Chief of White House Remote Communications. The President will be with you momentarily. Sorry for the delay, but he’s been pretty tied up with, er, budget negotiations.

Obama: Fore! [*Whoosh!* *Thwack!*…… *Ker-plunk!*] Damn! Bannerman, go see if you can fish that one out, will you? Here, give me the phone. Hello?

Smilo: Good morning, Mr. President. This is Brad Smilo. As you know, we’ve scheduled a little telephone debate today between you and Republican candidate, Paco.

Obama: Who?

Smilo: Paco, sir. He was one of the first people to announce his candidacy for president on the Republican side.

Obama: Are you sure? My appointments secretary told me I was supposed to be talking with Tim Pawlenty.

Paco: Ahhhmmm, that was probably my mistake. I set up the interview, and I might have said something like we need puh-lenty of time to discuss the issues.

Obama: Mm-hm. So, I guess I was also wrong about Sarah Palin joining us?

Paco: I was talking to your secretary about the recent basketball tournament, and it’s quite possible that I mentioned that Butler University’s determination would ultimately pale in comparison with UConn’s depth and experience.

Obama: This sounds like bait and switch to me.

Paco: You mean like your 2008 campaign strategy?

Obama: Hey! I promised hope and change, and that’s what the people got.

Paco: Well, they’re sure hoping for change now. I mean, just look at the economic situation. We’ve got a huge fiscal crisis, and instead of providing leadership, I heard that you’re heading out of town for a couple of days prior to the likely government shutdown. The battle is joined and you’re just keeping your head down.

Obama: Listen, I…wait…say that again.

Paco: What? About keeping your head down?

Obama: That’s it! That’s why I keep slicing the ball! I’m not keeping my head down. Thanks. Er, and I’m afraid I’ve got to ring off, now. Urgent business.

Smilo: Hello? Hello? Sorry, Paco, looks like we’ve been disconnected.

Paco: Yeah – you, me and about 310 million other citizens. No big deal. At least the debate didn’t last so long that my fries got cold. Oh, hold a minute, Brad. I need to make some campaign promises to the employees here at Five Guys. [Hey, amigos! Vote for Paco! Free green cards for everybody!]

Ecstatic cheers of “Viva, Paco!” and “Arriba con Paquismo!”


LibertyAtStake said...

Jack Wiley Dithers has recommended this fine example of journalism for tonight's Assigned Reading List.

"Because the Only Good Progressive is a Failed Progressive"

Paco said...

Thanks to JW!

JeffS said...

I'd say that you won that debate on style alone, Paco!

Hopefully, we will see more of these during the run up to 2012.

Paco said...

Jeff: You bet! He can run but he can't hide.

cac said...

Do I get the credit for this presidential run Paco? As I recall a few days ago I suggested that the US could not be better run if you were in charge and while it seems unlikely that a megalomaniac business tycoon needs any encouragement, perhaps this was the final push necessary?

Paco said...

C'mon, cac. You know Paco Enterprises doesn't extend credit.

missred said...

just for your information, sir, the five guys here in fredneck only employs gringos... my observation. ;)

Paco said...

Miss Red: I'm thinking of one a little further north. And, for the record, I'm sure they're all legally documented.

Michael Lonie said...

Last I saw the leading GOP candidate possibles were Romney, Huckabee, or Gingrich. We need you in the campaign desperately, Paco. If the candidate in 2012 is decided again on the basis of Buggins' Turn Obama will win in a walk. I want Jindal for the candidate but if comes down to one of those three I'd infinitely prefer Paco.

Do you think you can get J. P. to fund you the way Soros does Obama? I suppose that would mean J. P. would be running the government but that would be a lot better than what we have now.

smitty1e said...

Liked it so much I Tweeted it and linked it for tomorrow.
Dude, you r4wk!

Merilyn said...

Yep, points victory to Paco.
You sir are doing extremely well.

Paco said...

Thanks, Smitty!!

bruce said...

Go, the unstoppable Paconaut!

Gringo burgers with Flamenco sauce!

(Lots of guitarists called Paco...)