Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Virginia state elections

Republicans, who already control the governorship and the House of Delegates, appear to have fought their way to at least a tie in the State Senate (where tie votes would be broken by the Republican Lieutenant Governor).

I regret that the Republican candidate for State Senate in my district, Gerarda Culipher, lost to incumbent Democrat John Chapman “Chap” Petersen. I cannot abide Petersen, for the following unassailable reasons:

1) He’s a Democrat.

2) His political posters featured nothing but his nickname, “Chap!”, as if he were Elvis or some other notable whose fame had earned him the rare distinction of instant, single-name recognition. The exclamation point I found particularly galling, and interpreted it according to my own lights in the manner and tone of one who has just stepped in something unpleasant.

3) He wears bow-ties.

[Author’s note: I know, I know, there are plenty of partisans for the bow tie out there. De gustibus non est disputandam. Who knows what combination of experiences, sensations, genetic influences and unconscious, Freudian associations go into the make-up of one’s aesthetic dislikes? Some people hate light opera; others cringe at the sound of rap music; still others quail before the color pink, or develop a twitch when they smell the aroma of tuna fish. And I won’t dispute the fact that a very few men manage to bring the bow tie off tolerably well. One of my colleagues has so much inherent, regal dignity that he could probably walk into the office wearing a leopard skin, plus-fours, white ankle socks, a straw boater - and a bow tie – with no questions asked. But he is the exception. As a rule, I simply bar the thing.

I pray that you bow tie fans will not be offended. The fact – and I mean this in the kindliest possible sense - that you enjoy wearing something resembling the dessicated corpse of a bat on your throat is no reflection on your character, education or upbringing, and it is certainly no obstacle to reaching a high place in the respect and affection of yours truly. Live and let live, says I.]

17 comments:

cac said...

I have no dobut Paco that the fellow is a scoundrel. But there are degrees of depravity. One might, for instance, cast a kinder eye on someone who ties his own bow tie while still regretting the base depths man can stoop to. But (and I apologise to the gentle souls who frequent this blog) there are deeper depths. Some people [stops typing for several hours to compose himself] wear pre tied bow ties.

From your description I'd not be suprised to learn that the Chap is a member of the latter tribe. But perhaps not, is he a self tier and thus maybe capable of one day rejoining the human race?

Paco said...

cac: One can admire skill, even, in some cases, when it is turned toward wicked purposes. The ability to tie a bow tie is no small talent, however perverse the application of such manual dexterity.

I suspect that Chap (or Chap!, as he prefers to be called, or perhaps shouted at) is probably shrewd enough to have mastered the art (just in case some diabolical Republican opponent might someday decide to reach across the podium during a debate, and unmask him as a wearer of clip-ons.

lavrenti lenin said...

Anyone who would willingly wear a bow tie would probably wear a dickie. There, I said it!

richard mcenroe said...

Crapski! Sock puppet off...

JeffS said...

I knew a guy in Chicago who wore a bow tie. His nickname was "Woody", and he had it engraved on an old tree branch, mounted above his desk.

And on that tree branch was....[shudders violently]......a stuffed squirrel.

The horrors!

Paco said...

Richard: And a man who would wear a clip-on would sell his grandmother for gold.

rinardman said...

My only bowtie is the one on the front of my truck.

richard mcenroe said...

Paco -- Unless yer a beat cop. Don't give'em nuthin' to grab.

JeffS said...

I must confess that somewhere in my old uniforms, I may still have a bow tie. It was required for my dress blues, for those after-six-in-the-evening social forays.

Not a clip on, rather a pre-tied model that you strapped onto your neck. A bizarre thing. I loathed it.

Stoop Davy Dave said...

bah!
My Dem Assemblythugette and my Dem State Senatard both ran unopposed. I wrote in "none of the above," because "Paco" was too hard for me to spell.

Paco said...

Stoop: Well, it's the thought that counts. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

JeffS - military uniforms are exempt, I think, from the disdain uttered here.

Except for those of us in the lower ranks who never had to wear such things, and we'll make fun of you all day long. At home. Where you can't hear us.

My grandfather wore a bolo tie - they were quite acceptable in Montana.

RebeccaH said...

My dad wore clip-on ties (not bow ties) with his uniform. His broke his hand on the nose of a drunk who grabbed it, thinking he could strangle him.

richard mcenroe said...

PrairieKat -- I believe the lower orders, er, ranks, were required to wear bow ties with their Class A's in lieu of repectable, er, authorized dress uniforms....

mojo said...

"non disputandum est", ya barbarian... The verb goes at the end.

Paco said...

Jeff: Absolutely. And tuxedos.

Paco said...

mojo: Not according to my dictionary.