Sunday, October 27, 2013

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate I-95?

I have? Well, have I mentioned it lately?

Yesterday, Mrs. Paco and I were driving down to Green Top sporting goods store in Ashland - to buy some, you know, long underwear and feet warmers - and traffic came to a complete halt near the Quantico exit. Some genius on a huge backhoe-type thing, who had been working on the HOV expansion project, managed to break a power line, which was hanging down onto the highway. All southbound traffic was stopped for about an hour and a half. After a while, I got out of the car and walked up to the scene of the downed wire, and found some firemen and a VDOT employee standing around looking at the broken line, but nobody was actually doing anything. I was told that they had called Dominion Power to find out if the wire was live, and they were still waiting for a return call. I suggested that the driver of the back-hoe should be compelled to touch the wire, which would instantly settle the issue and speed things along. The idea met with strong approval, but, alas, the back-hoe operator had melted into the crowd, possibly donning a false beard and dark glasses, to avoid the wrath of the mob.

Fortunately, for those who were in need, there were abundant woods where one could relieve oneself in privacy. People were strolling about, some with dogs, others with small children, and eventually the whole episode took on the character of a day at the park. It was a lovely morning, with lots of sunshine and a cool breeze, and I was fortified with plenty of smokes, so, all in all, it could have been a lot worse. And a guy from Dominion Power finally showed up, discovered that the wire wasn't live, and then we all took off (rather in the manner of the great 1893 Land Run in the Cherokee Strip). Somewhat redeeming the experience, Green Top still had the desired long johns and feet warmers in stock when we arrived, and the background check only took 15 minutes.

I still hate I-95, though.

10 comments:

rinardman said...

Does Virginia have a limit on how many rounds...I mean...pounds your lnog johns can hold?

rinardman said...

And, do they have laws regarding the spelling of long johns?

Paco said...

Not yet, but with Terry Mac leading in the gubernatorial race - and he's openly in Michael Bloomberg's pocket - long john restrictions are a definite possibility.

JeffS said...

Long johns are a completely legitimate purchase, what with winter coming.

Besides, you never know when Al Gore might fly into DC for a visit.

bruce said...

Long johns may be classed as orthopedic or vascular accessories under the new health system. Don't worry:

Jeder nach seinen Fähigkeiten, jedem nach seinen Bedürfnissen! From each according to his ability, to each according to his need!

When approaching a live wire, do NOT create a circuit by separating your legs: best to rabbit-hop.

Paco said...

Bruce: I'll remember that!

Anonymous said...

Deborah .... Bruce, classifying long Johns as vascular or orthopedic accessories would incur the medical device tax resulting in a Hugh price increase. But if one were to attempt to think as a Democrat government official, then classifying them as such while linking them to "evil" guns would generate double the revenue while hurting the "evil" gun owners. It's coming, so stock up now!

Paco, they had to wait for a Dominion official to come out?! Whatever happened to calling? I thoughtt they had a large grid map that showed the real time status of the system. Too Hollywood/science fiction? Sheesh! We can send probes into space, but take hours to fix a downed dead wire! Next time, pack a lunch. Just on case.

RebeccaH said...

I would think these particular long johns and feet warmers would be classified as therapeutic, rather than orthopedic or vascular. Of course, the vascular part does depend on where on the target ... I mean, how many buttons there are on them.

Mike said...

You ought to try I-95 between Miami and West Palm Beach in the morning or evening.

Paco said...

Mike: Oh, I remember that section of I-95; I'm sure, bad as it was when I lived in Miami, it's far worse now.