Friday, January 9, 2015

Dear Harry Reid

Jerking yourself upright from a slumped position in a chair after a bout of sleep apnea does not constitute a “sit up”.

As to Reid’s apparently somewhat severe injuries, I’m inclining more and more to commenter R-man’s theory that the Koch brothers roughed him up.

Charles: My, my, David, da senator looks like he musta had a fall – from, say, one a dem exercise contraptions [extracts handkerchief from jacket pocket and wipes the blood off his knuckles].

David: Yeh, dat’s da way it looks to me, Charles. Just like he took a long walk on a short treadmill. Good t’ing it wasn’t a long walk on a short pier - which is sometimes what happens to guys what exercise their mout’s too much [stomps an imaginary cockroach crawling across the senator’s ribcage].

Charles: Truer woids was never spoke, Dave. Ya got dat, senator? Ya fell. Off a exercise machine. All by yer lonesome.

Reid [moaning]: Uhnnn…fell…exercise machine…

David: Maybe youse would like a ride home, eh, senator?

Reid: No! Don’t…want to trouble you…will call…a cab…

Charles: Well, suit yerself, bub. Now, one more time, just ta make sure yez got it right. What happened to yez?

Reid: I…I fell off an exercise machine.

Charles: Good boy. By da way, about dat eye; ya can’t go wrong followin’ ex-President Clinton’s advice to dat broad: ya might wanna put some ice on dat. C’mon, Dave. I got dis primonotion dat Congressman Boehner is about to take a tumble down da steps out front a’ da tannin’ saloon.

David: Well, let’s hustle on over dere and see if yer primonotion pans out.

Charles: My primonotions always pan out, Dave. Sometimes ya just gotta give ‘em a little boost, ya know?

Update: Smitty over at the other McCain takes a deep dive and develops his own theory.


JeffS said...

When I saw Reid's post-"fall" photo, I thought someone had punched him in the eye.

Only I imagined an irate American, exercising the right of free speech.

"Y'know, Harry, I'm a man of few words, so I let my knuckles do all the talking!"

Veeshir said...

I was thinking more of Kirk Douglas' bitch-slap in In Harm's Way.

rinardman said...

Yeah, we'll see how many times ol' Harry utters "the Koch brothers" on the floor of the Senate now.

If anyone asks why they don't get mentioned anymore, he'll probably claim memory loss from "the accident".

Bob Belvedere said...

'That's a nice Senate Minority ya got der; be a shame if summin' happened to it'.

RebeccaH said...

Hmmm. Exercise bands. Nice little cut here. There, unnoticeable but effective.

HAL9000 said...

"Mr. Koch, he VERY upset Senator. Youse don want to upset him again."