Dear FLOTUS

Just shut up, for cryin’ out loud! I’m sick of hearing you bellyache about all of those (conveniently unprovable) “micro-aggressions” you and your husband allegedly suffered in earlier days. Look around you. You’re living in the White House , the taxpayers have funded God knows how many millions of dollars of fancy vacations for you and your family, you’ve got more underlings at your beck and call than any Gilded Age Robber Baron ever had, and you get to party with what passes for the cream of our society. IF THIS IS VICTIMIZATION, WHERE DO I APPLY?

Michelle Malkin would also be grateful if you’d stick a sock in it:

I don’t care what color you are: This arrogant exercise of first lady privilege — invoking false stories to stoke racial hostility and score political points — is patently offensive. There’s enough demagoguery in the public square. The Aspen ski-vacationing, haute couture-wearing, Hollywood elite-chumming first lady’s delusional discrimination fables are fuel on a raging fire her husband has failed to alleviate with billions of dollars of government “investments,” programs, summits and photo-ops.

And another thing: why don’t you stop nagging Barry about his smoking? I bet nicotine withdrawal is responsible for at least a quarter of his bad policy decisions.

One last item: butt out of school lunches. The choices and portions you advocate would cause even a member of the Donner party to grimace with disdain, easily opting for leg of Uncle Horace over your recommendation of soggy lawn clippings and a couple of spindly roots (comestibles which, interestingly, you spare yourself the consumption of).