Thursday, October 17, 2024

Help is on the way!

I linked a couple of articles yesterday featuring speculation on the massive mental breakdown facing Democrat voters in this country if Donald Trump wins the election. Evidence continues to mount that this national freak-out is extremely likely - for example: "‘PIECE OF S***’: Gettysburg College admissions counselor unleashes unhinged rant against Trump supporters: EXCLUSIVE

Not to worry, comrades! Progressive Analysis and Counseling Online is ready to provide all the assistance you need in order to get your life back on track.

Highly-trained psychiatrists are available for online counseling 24 hours a day.



And for those suffering from physiological imbalances that have exacerbated their TDS, P.A.C.O. labs has a staff of pharmacists engaged in the preparation of anti-anxiety drugs and anti-depressants, available by mail.



Prefer personal, face-to-face interaction for help with your schizotrumpia? Good news! Our rehab facility in bucolic Bolivia, North Carolina is now open. 




Here, you have access to a wide variety of treatment options, including, for example, this state of the art Phrenology-Activated Cranial Oscillator.

So, check us out online, or call our Bolivia facility (and if you can't make it to the clinic on your own, we'll send the cookie truck around to get you).

8 comments:

  1. Bolivia NC, or as the locals call it, 'Half Hell'. And half-hell gotta be half-heaven, amiright?
    - Bruce

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Half Hell is a couple of miles outside of Bolivia, proper, but within the greater (LOL!) Bolivian Metropolitan area. I drive by there all the time, and there's some kind of farm that sells plants (mostly herbs, I think), and a few trailer homes, and a tiny Baptist church (there seems to be a Baptist church for every ten inhabitants in Brunswick county).

      Delete
  2. Is there a discount for cash payments?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, but we throw in a brand new straightjacket.

      Delete
  3. "Hey, you heard all the bad things I said about Trump, right? How can you still support him?"
    All those things you said are lies.
    "Well... uh, okay, but they're still bad, right? So how can you still support him?"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like you've found a likely inmate for our on-site treatment.

      Delete
  4. The whole thing you wrote there is brilliant btw. We used to buy Mad Magazine for this level of satire, long ago.
    - Bruce

    ReplyDelete