Country Last

The Washington headquarters of Barack Obama’s presidential campaign

Secretary: Good morning, Hope and Change central, how may I help you?

Congressman Barney Frank: Heh-wo. Bawack Obama?

Secretary (with sniffish disdain): I beg your pardon?

Frank: Bawack Obama?

Secretary: Sir, I’m afraid I don’t have time to listen to you play your trombone with a Derby mute.

Frank: What? No, no, no. I want to tawk to Senatuh Bawack Obama! Dis is Congwessman Bahney Fwank.

Secretary: Oh, I see now. One moment, sir…Senator Obama? There’s a Mr. Fwank on line one.

Obama: Barney! How are you?

Frank: Just fine, Senatuh Obama. Except dese wascawy wepublicans ahn’t makin’ things easy. Dey got a pwobwem wif dat widdle change givin’ a hundwed million to ouah fwiends at Acohn. Huh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!

Obama: That doesn’t matter. The main thing is to keep them tied up so that we can melt a few hundred more points off the Dow, create some additional panic in the markets, and knock McCain down further in the polls. You know, characterize him as the opportunistic grandstander, while I, on the other hand, remain serenely above the fray, dedicating myself to more important things, like deciding which color necktie is best at conveying “experience” during the debate tonight. Incidentally, what’s your opinion about that; the tie, I mean?

Frank: I’m vewwy pahtial to mauve.

Obama: Hmm. Well, while I’ve got you on the line, let me ask you another question. Since the first debate’s going to be on foreign policy and the war, tell me something: who first came up with the idea of the surge?

Frank: The what?

Obama: The surge; you know, sending additional troops to Iraq and changing some of our tactics there.

Frank: Oh, dat. I dunno.

Obama: You don’t suppose it might have been based on a concept devised by Hitler or Nixon or somebody like that, do you?

Frank: No, I don’t think so. But you could insinuate as much; I mean, who’s gonna challenge it? De New Yuk Times? Huh-uh-uh-uh-uh!

Obama: You’re absolutely right, Barney! Thanks. Oh, sorry; gotta go. There’s a call on line 2. Hello, Senator Reid?

Senator Harry Reid: Gawrsh, Senator Obama, a-hyuck!, all h-e-double toothpicks is breakin’ out over here!

Obama: Keep it going, keep it going. Just keep stirring the pot.

Reid: Ok, Barrie, a-hyuck!, I’ll see yuh later!

Secretary: Excuse me, Senator Obama, there’s a William Ayers on line 3.

Obama: Tell him I’m in a meeting until November 5th.