Sunday, October 26, 2008

Fair Play

If the fairness doctrine is once again foisted on us, does that mean that Keith Olbermann will have to have a conservative on his show for balance? I wonder how that would go…

Keith: Good evening, I’m Keith Olbermann, and, in keeping with the legislative implementation of the fairness doctrine, I’ve now got a sidekick, right-wing extremist and friend of the late William F. Buckley, Jr. [boos from the audience] David Brooks. So, David, what do you think of Barack Obama’s presidential victory?

David: I believe this is a truly transformative event, Keith, and we all wish the new President well. One of the amazing things about him – and I mean this in a positive sense – is that there’s this benign, even benevolent aspect of the Nietzschean √úbermensch about him…

Keith: Whoa, whoa whoa! Nietzschean √úbermensch ?!? What, you’re saying he’s some kind of Nazi?

David: No, no, Keith! Not at all. What I mean is that he possesses a superb confidence in his almost mystical vision…

Keith: Mystical vision? So, now you’re saying he’s like Jim Jones, he’s trying to get us all to drink the Kool Aid? Excuse me, a second; how the hell did you ever worm your way into the ranks of an objective newspaper like the New York Times with these kinds of reactionary views?

David: Keith, all I’m saying is that President Obama will have to be on guard against those conservatives – and they’re mistaken, of course, tragically mistaken – who believe that he may try to immanentize the eschaton…

Keith (getting in Brooks’ face and screaming): Oh, and I suppose you didn’t know that “immanentize the eschaton” is code for “uppity black person”? You know something, Brooks, you’re THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD!!!”

David (removing his glasses and wiping the spittle off with his handkerchief): All right, Keith, all right. I’ve had my say. Now it’s your turn.

Keith (twenty minutes later, panting, his chest heaving from an unbroken tirade): …and that’s why a bullet in the nape of the neck is too good for a fascist hyena like you, Brooks! Do you dare to respond?

David: Well…

Keith: Oops, sorry! We’re out of time for tonight. Be sure to join us for our next show, folks, when special guest and noted klanswoman, Peggy Noonan, will be here to answer the question – yes or no, Peggy! - do you still advocate burning crosses in the yards of Democratic Jewish war veterans?

3 comments:

mythusmage said...

I was thinking more along the lines of someone with a stable mentality.

Fitzroy said...

Not an unlikely scenario, but I suspect under the new rules that Olbermann will be able to do a one-man show and be considered fair and balanced all by himself. There are no "liberal" shows. There are the moderate mainstream shows like Olbermann's, and then there's hate speech, which will be banned outright. Detective Paco will be the one trying to escape from Gitmo.

Paco said...

Fitzroy: You mean a sort of Jeckle and Hyde routine? Now, that would be something.