Saturday, October 25, 2008


In the current environment of Democratic foul-play and dirty tricks, we should ask ourselves: what would Bob Mitchum do?

Two PhD candidates from the local university are skulking in the shrubbery in front of a house which features a McCain/Palin sign planted bravely in the front yard. As soon as the lights in the house go out, the young men creep over to the sign and squat down next to it.

Chris: Ok, Dave, break out our friend, Mr. Box-cutter!

Dave: How many signs does this make tonight?

Chris: At least a dozen.

Dave: I wouldn’t have thought there were that many Republicans in the neighborhood. Stupid fascists. There! Number 13!

A flaming match flies between the two vandals, hitting the ground and sizzling in the dewy grass. Chris and Dave jerk their heads around and spring to their feet, like two fake snakes leaping from a can falsely marked “Peanuts”. A tall man wearing a trench coat and a snap-brim hat is standing a few feet away, a fresh cigarette dangling from his lower lip.

The stranger (speaking in a low, deceptively calm voice): You boys got a problem with freedom of speech?

Chris: Listen, this is our exercise of free speech.

The stranger: From where I’m standing, it looks like simple vandalism.

A quick, soft swishing noise is heard, as Dave extends the short, but razor-sharp blade of the box-cutter. The stranger smiles as he pulls a .38 revolver from the side pocket of his coat. Chris and Dave simultaneously gulp as they hear the crisp click of the hammer being pulled back; Dave’s hand opens automatically to let the box-cutter fall harmlessly to the ground.

The stranger: Don’t choke on your bubble gum, boys. You. Tear the sign in half and give a piece to your buddy.

Dave (does as he’s told, and hands half of the sign to Chris): Now what?

The stranger: Eat it.

Chris: Eat it??

The stranger: That’s right. Down the hatch, fellahs!

A few moments later, as the vandals manage to swallow the last bits of the sign, the stranger asks them a question.

The stranger: Ok, where are the rest of them?

Chris: In the trunk of our car. Wait…you don’t mean…

The stranger: Soup’s on! Let’s go.


Minicapt said...

And my first thought was "What Would Barack Do".


Paco said...

Cap'n - We know what Barack would do: "Here, use my knife!"

saint said...


lotocoti said...

Having seen the trailer for Gran Torino, WWBD could be interchangeable with WWCD.

the_real_jeffs said...

Speaking of movies, this made my day:

'High School Musical 3' Dances To #1; Oliver's Biopic 'W.' Drops Like A Stone

"There's been tremdous interest by the public in the box office fate of Oliver Stone's W. for its second weekend in release. Well, it ran out of steam. QED International/Lionsgate's Bush biopic sank 58% to No. 8 with $1.5 million Friday from 2,050 dates for what will probably be a $5.2M weekend. The $30M negative cost film should end up with $23M domestic box office gross by the end of its North American run. That means, with a $25M P&A investment and Lionsgate's distribution fees, the film won't recoup."

(H/T: Hot Air)

And WWBD? Go home and watch a DVD. Any DVD.

Wimpy Canadian said...

Hey, Paco, too close to the truth.

In our recent federal election, where the Conservative party was denied a majority by the Bloc Quebecois, due to a viral You-Tube satirical video, not done by official BQ people, but by a local, popular comic ...

[How long can this sentance survive?, Ed]

Anyway, I was, for our local electoral district, the master of signs. I had an arterial sign on my lawn that I put there for training purposes. It was vandalized ... scientifically.

bruce said...

WWBD? Interesting idea.

'During the shoot in Jasper, local resident Wilbur Stanley and a friend were watching some of the scenes. Robert Mitchum accepted their invitation during a break and they returned to their car, where they each had a beer and talked. Afterward Mitchum got out of the car, threw the bottle across the ground near there, and commented "Best breakfast I ever had!" '

River of No Return 1954. Great opening scene, but Monroe and Mitchum have no chemistry, unfortunately.