Sunday, November 30, 2008

Dear Santa

How are you, my dear fellow? In good heft, I trust? Splendid!

I know you’re rather busy this time of year, so I wanted to get my letter in early. I’ve been an extremely good boy this twelvemonth - No, no! No need to check with Mrs. Paco; just take my word for it, no point in troubling yourself with a background check – let’s see, now, where was I? Oh, yes. In view of my sterling behavior this year, I thought it might not go amiss if I were to put in a somewhat tall order. But it’s for a present that I think you’ll agree is entirely consistent with the idea of peace on earth toward men of good will; or, perhaps, to be completely frank, my request is at least indirectly consistent with that idea, in that it pertains to the obverse side of the coin, to wit, maintaining peace among men who might tend to operate outside the bounds of any reasonable definition of good will. In short, I’m talking about one of these. And if you could throw in a box of Colt long .45’s and some .410 shells, you would be certain of securing my best behavior for the coming year, as well.

As usual, you’ll find a bottle of 20-year-old, single-malt…er… “chocolate milk” in the cupboard. But remember: leave it alone until you get home (I’m reliably informed that the Fairfax cops will be out in force on Christmas Eve).

Ho, ho, ho, old top! Drive carefully, and my best to Mrs. Claus and your diminutive workforce.

Yours faithfully,

Paco

8 comments:

blogstrop said...

Woe betide any contempt of court felons with that judge sittin'.

Anonymous said...

20 yo 'chocolate milk'? 20? Best get tucked in early, Paco. With that kind of treat Santa will be at your house first!

BTW, as long as he doesn't share with Rudolph I think Santa will be fine taking a nip as he makes his rounds. OTOH, maybe your 'milk' accounts for Rudolph's nose. I hear Paco Enterprises has a hand in everything.

Retread

kc said...

I was reading this & thinking Paco's gone plumb crazy, giving Santa 20-yo chocolate milk...then I realized I hadn't taken into account the "quote" marks & realized - happily - that you were NOT leaving KayleeBee's leftovers out for the tubby guy! Whew! THAT is a relief.

As is your continued sanity.

I hope he's very generous with you AND the Mrs.

the_real_jeffs said...

That's an EXCELLENT Christmas present, Paco! Especially for close quarters.

Paco said...

That's what I'm thinking, RJ. If I'm startled out of a deep slumber by someone breaking in, and still half fuzzy with sleep, I figure the Judge is more readily accessible and easier to whip into action than the L.C. Smith double-barrel.

RebeccaH said...

Nice Christmas present, Paco. I'm thinking that might be just the ticket for the H household as well.

SwampWoman said...

I've been eyeballin' that myself since carryin' a shotgun around is a lil' awkward.

Has anyone here ever shot one? How's the recoil?

Jeffs (formerly The_Real_JeffS) said...

I figure the Judge is more readily accessible and easier to whip into action than the L.C. Smith double-barrel.

Yup! Plus using .410 shot in the house keeps the shot from passing through a couple or three walls.

Just use a two-handed grip for the .410 ammo; from the videos I've seen, the recoil looks nasty.

TW: hurri. Yeah, Obama does take office in a couple of months.