You know who says that the northern polar ice cap will be gone in five years? Al Gore, that's who. Oh, excuse me; I mean Friedensnobelpreisträger Al Gore (Ooooo! It sounds so much more...I dunno...heel-clickingly authoritative in German, doesn't it? The kind of thing to make the Klimajugend hurl themselves at bulldozers working on new coalmine construction sites).
Tell you what, Al, I'll make you a bet. If the northern polar ice cap disappears in five years or less, I'll agree to adopt a polar bear and feed him three square meals a day until he drops dead from old age (or clogged arteries). If the ice cap is still here in five years, you'll agree to drop trow and permit my older son, the imminent Richmond tattooist, to engrave "Left Brain" and "Right Brain", respectively, on the appropriate butt cheeks.
I have a better idea if mr Gore can be dared: If the Artic is ice-free in five years then feed the bear with The Al.
ReplyDeleteThat way he (Gore, not the bear) will finally STFU.
On the other hand, the poor bear's cholesteral readings would sky-rocket after munching on The Al for a couple of months, leaving you wide open to a law suit from PETA.
Hmm, ok, forget it. Not worth the risk. Go with the tatooe.
Mikael: I'm pretty sure both PETA and the ASPCA would be all over me. And Mrs. Gore would be kinda pi$$ed off, too.
ReplyDeletePerhaps if you fed the polar bear local Democrats only, Paco? Or maybe some from Congress? That would spread the cost around a bit more.
ReplyDeleteShouldn't it be "drop trou"?
ReplyDeleteYeah, but I was spelling it sort-a whatdayacallit, phonetically.
ReplyDeleteI swear, Every day Big Al gets to be more and more like those con men who take a deposit to resurface your driveway and then disappear. Is he planning to vanish to some tropical paradise with his ill-gotten gains before the five years is up?
ReplyDeleteYou get the feeling that if Al didn't keep that collar cinched up good'n'tight, his head would sink right down into that corpulent torso?
ReplyDelete"And Mrs. Gore would be kinda pi$$ed off, too."
ReplyDeleteAssumes facts not in evidence, counselor. Depending on who inherits, she might drive the bear over...
Richard: Statement withdrawn, counselor.
ReplyDelete