Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Another Time-Defying Interview

Transcript of Brad Smilo’s recorded interview with Al Capone

Brad: Hello, this is Brad Smilo, of Paco World News, and I’m entering the hotel suite of Mr. Al Capone, well-known Chicago community organizer…Gulp!

Al: Hey, ‘Fredo, take de rod outta de kid’s brisket, will ya? He’s ok.

Brad: Er, Thank you, Mr. Capone. It’s good to see you again.

Al: Always a pleasure, Brad. Sorry about ‘Fredo, dere. He’s new and eager to please.

Brad: Oh, no problem, sir, no problem at all. Mr. Capone, as Chicago’s most famous community organizer and…uh…

Al: Furniture dealer, Brad.

Brad: Yes, yes, of course…er…as a community organizer and business man, our listeners would be glad to hear what you think about the first couple of months in office of another Chicago-based community organizer, President Barack Obama.

Al: Well, I’ll tell ya. So far, he seems to be makin’ all de right moves. Take dis business wit’ de banks and de car companies. He’s sorta takin’ over, see? It’s kinda like de gover’ment is his mob, an’ he’s pushin’ dis udder mob – de private sector – outta his territory. You know, like what we did wit’ Bugsy Moran an’ his boys on St. Valentine’s Day back in ’29.

Brad: So, you don’t see this expansion of government power as being a bad thing, necessarily?

Al: Nah, I didn’t say dat. When I say dat he’s makin’ all de right moves, I mean for him an’ his gang. Nuttin’ surprisin’ about dat; it’s jus’ competition. All your successful entremanures gotta have a’ edge, and right now, Obama’s got de biggest bank roll and de biggest mob. But it ain’t gonna woik over de long haul.

Brad: Why is that, Mr. Capone?

Al: ‘Cuz one ting I loined when I was de big cheese in dis town was dat you ain’t never so big dat dere ain’t some udder mug what wants to muscle in on ya. And even more important, de people – de little guys out dere – dey don’t like havin’ one hot-shot holdin’ all de cards, tellin’ ‘em what to do, where dey can spend dere money, what kinda light bulbs dey can buy - ya see what I’m sayin’? Ya know, all we wanted to do was sell beer; we wasn’t interested in tellin’ people how to live. Dat’s where dis guy Obama is gonna go wrong. He ain’t interested in sellin’ people sump’n real dat dey want; he’s tryin’ to sell ‘em sump’n unreal dat dey ain’t never gonna get, and even if dey did get it, I’m tellin’ ya, de markup is too dam’ high.

Brad: Then you’re saying that there are significant differences between your own approach to business and President Obama’s?

Al: Yeh, sure. I sold beer; he’s tryin’ to sell, whaddaya call, kool-aid.

Brad: This has been an interesting interview, Mr. Capone. And, on a personal note, I’d like to tell you how much I admire that new awning you’ve had installed on your balcony. Those pink and purple stripes are real eye-catchers.

Al: Awning? Dat ain’t no awning. Dose are my pajamas. ‘Fredo hung ‘em out to dry after I spilt gin all over ‘em last night. Awning! You're pushin’ your luck, kid.

Brad: Er…heh…my mistake, Mr. Capone. Thanks again for your time…Gulp!

Al: ‘Fredo! What, wit’ de rod again? Let’m go!


SwampWoman said...

Ain't DAT de troot.

Paco said...

Youse said it, sister!