Friday, April 17, 2009
Car Kickback Czar
Rahm Emanuel: What da f**k, Steve? Da boss puts yez in charge a’ bailin’ out da auto industry, an’ now it comes out dat youse are bein’ investigated for kickbacks. No, really, Steve, I mean, what da f**k?!?
Steve Rattner: Awww, da boss knew about da whole ting. He didn’t tink it was such a big deal, why should youse?
David Axelrod: Look, I don’t remember nuttin’ about youse ‘fessin’ up to da boss about dis.
Steve: Oh, yeh, he hadda knew all about it, ‘cause I mentioned it durin’ da transition. He didn’t say nuttin’ but “Hey, don’t sweat it, everyt’ing’s jake.”
Emanuel: Ok, Car Guy, what’s yer plan for da automotive industry?
Steve: Hey, listen to dis, it’s a lu-lu! I told dem banks what Chrysler owes money to, to tear up dem IOUs.
Axelrod: Ya mean, like, Chrysler jus' skips? It don't pay nuttin' at all?
Steve: Yeh. Dat way, da banks what we gave money to kinda help pay for us bailin’ out Chrysler, see?
Emanuel: But da banks are in da hole again.
Steve: Huh. I hadn’t thunk a ‘dat.
Emanuel: Ya know what, Steve. I tink maybe we oughta take a little ride.