Sunday, August 2, 2009

I Knew it Would Come to This

A "modest proposal" suggesting the revival of a quaint Aztec custom to fight global warming (H/T: Boy on a Bike).

Update: A couple of readers have suggested that this article may not have been intended as satire (either way, it's comedy gold!) I have sent an email to the editor of Quadrant Online to ask for clarification. If it was intended as a serious suggestion (an outcome devoutly to be wished!), it means (1) that the extremist wing of the Cli-Fi movement has reached its zenith, and (2) there will be another Detective Paco story coming up soon.

Update II: I have received an email from a Mr. Keith Windschuttle of Quadrant magazine; I reproduce it here:
Thank you for your enquiry about Michael Kile’s article. Of course he is serious. This is no time for Swiftian satire. Even the Australian national broadcaster has taken up the cause: http://www.abc.net.au/rn/counterpoint/stories/2009/2630991.htm. Nominations are now being taken for first volunteers for humane human sacrifice. Tell all your friends.

Best regards,
Keith

Of course, Mr. Windschuttle isn't serious, so the article turns out to be what I thought it was originally: an exceptionally fine piece of satire.

14 comments:

  1. Paco,

    This stuff is too good to pass up.

    Opposition to human sacrifice as a climate change mitigation strategy is possible. However, society is on the cusp of a paradigm shift. Excessive individualism is in decline. Neo-liberalism is under attack. There is growing recognition our fate is determined by mysterious events related to the Sun (Sol)—333,000 times more massive than Earth and just eight light-minutes away. The Age of Sol is dawning.

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  2. Steve: I originally thought this was satire, but given the author's antecedents (a book on population growth, and he's a "Perth playwright"), I think there's an ominous possibility that the dude is serious. I have sent out dispatches to my Australian friends asking them to look into the matter.

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  3. Put a post up on TrogloPundit.

    If Kile is using satire, he rivals Iowahawk. If he is serious, he has no rival within the species.

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  4. You should give the podcast a go - he reads it quite beautifully, and with such seriousness.

    If Algore starts building a temple in the backyard of his home, we know it's time to hide the virgins.

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  5. Sorry, here be the podcast:

    http://www.abc.net.au/rn/counterpoint/stories/2009/2630991.htm

    The guys that present "counterpoint" are well known sceptics of just about everything, so you can assume this story is taking the piss.

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  6. B on a B: Hey, if it turns out to be satire, it's still funny; the carrying of a stupid idea to its absurd conclusion.

    Thanks for sending that link. It has really made my day.

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  7. "...we know it's time to hide the virgins."

    BoaB, I was discussing this topic with a friend today, and we came to the conclusion that we don't need virgins in the traditional sense. We simply have to redefine the condition to meet operational needs.

    For example, it's clear that lefties and watermelons have never used their brains. For example, if Kile is serious about his Aztec article, his brain is certainly virgin territory, and he can go to the top of the list for the Monday morning sacrifices.

    The gods are appeased, climate change is postponed, and we have a few less idiots on this planet. Surely that's worth a bloody altar or two?

    On a less humorous note.....

    As I noted in the earlier post, I suspect that this guy is serious. If so, not even Iowahawk will be able to parody the left.

    Good idea about asking Tim, Paco. This has all the hallmarks of being a really nasty turn in the way Gaia worshipers view their interaction with the infidels, and it needs a lot of sunshine.

    And I mean a lot of sunshine.

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  8. Jeff: I say Al gore should be the first one tossed into the volcano. Based on body mass, that's about five years worth of normal sized human sacrifices.

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  9. The volcano is the better option for Al Gore; I'd rather flense whales with a butter knife than put that blubbo on a sacrificial altar.

    TW: scion. Yes, Gore is a scion of his father. And every other scam artist in history.

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  10. " The rediscovered trecena contain the most comprehensive Aztec data set yet found."
    ... Je suis tres impressed; ... NOT!

    This sounds like a good Jonathan Swift, unlike the general Internet poseurs. Were this meant to be a serious essay, it could be best compared to Menzies' "1421".

    Cheers

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  11. thefrollickingmoleAugust 3, 2009 at 5:14 AM

    If its in quadrant its firmly tounge in cheek. Bloody well written though, I will have to try and get a listen to the podcast later on.

    Quadrant is Australias best (well I like it anyway) conservative magazine, its fought gerbil worming pretty well from the start. Its editor was the leading man in Australians "history wars" which xposed huge amounts of outright lies and fraud within manty university history departments. (eg, a massacare of hundreds that turns out to be one cannon shot and everyone runs away)..

    Hes hated by the left, so yes, this is pure, brilliant satire. (Ive got the issue in question)

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  12. Relax guys. The alarmists (assisted by Kevin here and Barrack over your way) are only going to throw our entire economies into the volcano, not actual people. No worries, eh? Small price to pay to keep those greens and fruit loops voting the right way?

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  13. RE, Update II: Whew! Dang, but that's good satire! Jonathon Swift himself could do no better.

    And mayhaps we will still see another Detective Paco story? Aren't they somewhat Swiftian in nature?

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  14. Humane human sacrifice?

    Where's the fun in that?

    SB: bariti
    The island of flowery drinks. And volcanoes. Hint hint.

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