Transcript of the proceedings of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee earlier this year.
A low murmur of Norwegian chit-chat is heard. The Chairman bangs the gavel to bring the meeting to order.
Chairman Thorbjøm Jagland: Vell, ever’body, let’s get dis herring boat on de fjord. Ve vill now take under consideration nominations fer de Nobel Peace Prize. Sissel, vould yew like to go first?
Sissel: Ja, tank yew, Meester Chairman. I’d like tew nominate de Dalai Lama.
Thorbjøm: Yumpin’ yimminy, Sissel! Yew alvays go fer de easy pickins! Yew got tew larn tew t’ink outside de box. Ja, ja, Kaci, I see yer hand flappin’ in de air like a vind sock. Go ahett.
Kaci: I t’ink ve ought tew giff de prize tew Yorge Boosh [suggestion met with jeers and catcalls]. Vait a goldarn minute, folks! Hear me out. Now, ve all know dat Yorge Boosh had fascist tendencies, but he stopped short a’ launchin’ a kew d’etat. Mebbe ve giff him de prize, he don’t come back, by golly.
Thorbjøm: Kaci, vhen I say yew all got tew larn tew t’ink outside de box, yew still got tew haff sump’n tew t’ink outside de box vit. Yorge Boosh! Uff da! Now [clears throat] I got me a idear about hew ve could nominate. How about de President of de Yew Ess A?
Kaci: But dat’s ‘zactly vhat I vas tawkin about…
Thorbjøm: No, no, no. Not de alt president. De new vun.
Inger-Marie: Yew mean de black feller? Baruch Whoosis?
Thorbjøm: Try tew stay informed, Inger-Marie. De name ain’t “Baruch Whoosis”; it’s Baruch Øbama.
Agot: But, Meester Chairman, he ain’t done nuttin’ yet.
Thorbjøm: Vhat d’yew mean “he ain’t done nuttin’yet”? He got hisself elected in a country vhere de vite people hate de blacks.
Agot: But, if de vite people hate de blacks, how did he get elected in de first place?
Thorbjøm: Hmm. Vell, yew got me, dere, Agot. But consider dis here: he tawks a pretty gewd game on furrin policy, by grannies! Vhy, giff him a year or tew, and I betcha kroner tew donuts he redewces American influence an’ power to sump’n like Belgium’s – or mebbe even Canada’s!
[Murmurs of approval arise from around the table]
Thorbjøm: Okey-doke, denn. Baruch Øbama it is. Now, hew’s up fer some hjortebakkels und café?
[The Committee retires in a convivial mood, another excellent choice under their belts]