Examples of unwanted gifts ranged from underwear, socks, bath products and inappropriately sexual items to a tandoori spice rub for chicken given to a vegetarian and a dog bowl for a dogless recipient, a brick and cellulite cream, an eBay statement said.Hmm. Disappointing. Paco Enterprises’s Australian subsidiary was hoping for big sales of that cellulite cream. I guess the problem was that folks thought it was supposed to get rid of cellulite, whereas the purpose is actually to give the user a dimpled butt resembling saddle bags made out of ostrich leather. I was told by our guy on the ground that this was all the rage.
Calls the office of Pacific Antipodal Cellulite Ornamentation, Ltd.
“Hello, Jack? Paco. Is Mark L still in charge of new product development in Australia? Mm-hm. Well, have him call me. Immediately.”
Sorry about the cellulite creme thing but I've got bigger problems. I told my kids that I wanted a kitty for Christmas but instead I got a Pan American Crested Ocelot. The damn thing keeps me up all night. And it freaks me out the way it licks it's lips every time it looks at me. It didn't come with return instructions. What do I do?
ReplyDeleteMy suggestion would be to crate it up, mark it as "Complimentary Cheesy Fries", and send it to Michael Moore (we know he can't outrun it).
ReplyDeleteMy suggestion would be to crate it up, mark it as "Complimentary Cheesy Fries", and send it to Michael Moore (we know he can't outrun it).
ReplyDelete....priceless
WV: thabla
hm, what you read in tha newspaper
Useless underwear? That says more about Aussie journalists than the gift givers.
ReplyDeleteNamely that Really Inappropriate Chonie Holders And Raunchy Drawer Substitutes are catching on big downunder.
Tandoori rub doesn't work well on cauliflower? Darn. There goes my dish for the company potluck.
ReplyDeleteThose aren't unwanted gifts.The recipients just haven't seen the potential of said gifts, but Martha Stewart knows.
By-the-way, what is an inappropriate sexual item to an Aussie?
Deborah Leigh
Carol, can I get the contact for where you got that Pan American Crested Ocelot, please? I know a few people who need a kitty just like that. Do you think they would like San Francisco, Las Vegas, and Hawaii/Illinois?
ReplyDeleteDeborah Leigh
A Kiwi.
ReplyDeleteCheers
Ummm, my missus will be devestated if you discontinue the celluite cream...
ReplyDeleteI on the other hand...
"By-the-way, what is an inappropriate sexual item to an Aussie?"
Well, that depends on how long its been dead....
Dear Ms Leigh,
ReplyDeleteThe Pan American Crested Ocelot would be purrfect for the right fellow in San Francisco-the lip licking and all that.
My daughter says she ordered it through some offshore catalog outlet. She couldn't remember the name but said that it started with a "P"
Hey, I'll trade you several house plants for some of that cellulite cream for the hairless cats. Somebody told me that those cats couldn't possibly be any uglier, but I disagree....
ReplyDeleteI dunno why people insist that THIS TIME they've found me the perfect plant that I cannot kill through overwatering, underwatering, or forgetting that plants actually need water.
Swampwoman -- Here's your plant...
ReplyDeletehey!
ReplyDeleteI resemble that comment.
And it was all int eh plan anyway. Australian leftists got 20,000,000 presents this year. Does the number sound familiar?
Hippies got socks or soap, leftist vegans got tandoori sauce, muslims got pork rinds, greenies got various things made out rare rainforest woods, PETA members got rabbit fur coats, radical feminists got underwear.
The denizens of Lavatory Rodeo got the collected works of Adam Smith.
Need I go on?
... oh. It was sales you wanted??
Oops....
MarkL
Minionmeister to the VRWC
I told you those wolverine-fur snoods were going nowhere. But you had to listen to Mark.
ReplyDelete