Monday, November 29, 2010

Wicked Leaks

Strategies for dealing with Julian Assange range all over the map, from declaring his outfit to be a terrorist organization to...sending him a strongly-worded letter.

Personally, I prefer Jeff Goldstein's not entirely subtle suggestion.

Incidentally, Paco World News Daily (PWND) has obtained several secret communiques that are scheduled for future release by Wikileaks. Might as well beat the New York Times to the punch, so here's a brief inventory of coming attractions:

- Cable from President Obama to Fidel Castro through the Cuban Interest Section of the Swiss Embassy in Washington asking for an autographed picture of Castro in his basketball uniform from high school days (plus a lock of beard hair).

- Secure fax from Joe Biden to the Indian ambassador complaining about a leaky Big Gulp soda he purchased at a 7-11 in Wilmington, Delaware.

- Copy of a wire transfer in the amount of $10,000 drawn on the U.S. Treasury’s administrative account payable to a Mrs. Wanda Obango of Lagos, Nigeria for the purpose of securing a one-quarter interest in a $10 million bequest from Mrs. Obango’s late father, the former Finance Minister of Nigeria (wire transfer authorized by “T. Geithner”).

- Copy of an invitation from Vladimir Putin to Sarah Palin to go bear hunting with crossbows (cross-indexed with an invitation of even date to President Obama to attend the Russian Interpretive Dance Festival in the company of Mrs. Putin).

- Copy of application to North Korea for citizenship (“non-resident status”) from William Ayers and Bernadine Dorn.

- Cable from President Obama to Prime Minister Netanyahu: “We insist that Israel cease new residential construction in Jerusalem”. Return cable: “Get shtupped!”


cac said...

I have very little time for Assange and his self indulgent posturing. However, the irony of the egregious King calling for him to be declared a terrorist organisation seems to have escaped the author of the link you included. I've always assumed that putting a leading IRA fundraiser in charge of a congressional terrorism committee was proof positive against the candard that Americans don't do irony but please tell me it was never intended to be serious.

JeffS said...

I prefer to refer to the Jack Bauer Option as "Rule 303", myself.

But, hey, toMAYto, toMAHto.

Michael Lonie said...

Assange is carrying out espionage against the USA. The people providing him emails are agents, and he is acting as a principal agent. Is he operating on behalf of some country or nongovernmental organization (NGO), or is he supporting himself in this espionage?

And how did the US government get so stupid that nobody in it seems to understand "need to know?"

Merilyn said...

Like your leaks better they are more fun!
Good point Michael.

Merilyn said...

Like your leaks better they are more fun!
Good point Michael.

Merilyn said...

Sorry about that coming up twice but for some reason, it told me to retry.

prairiecat55kc said...

Linked at PPII, Paco, thank you!

Paco said...

Thanks, PC!

Stosh2 said...

If shooting is to be done perhaps they should shoot the head of the State Department who runs such a leaky ship of state to allow all of this to happen.

One low level army intelligence man is responsible for leaking all of these documents - military AND diplomatic? Seems implausible...

When was the last time you recall a nation's entire confidential communications being breached?

This looks to be a broad systemic failure on the part of the government. At least part of the vitriol aimed at Wikileaks appears to be an attempt to deflect criticism from government incompetence.

Also, why did the government wait until after the fact to try to address publication? People knew for weeks if not months that this was coming.

Any how. Dammage done. Time for a vigorous and thorough house cleaning & reorganization at State. Fire the snarky adolescents and hire adults.

A complete & total shake-up will probably be the minimum necessary to restore confidence. We must start immediately

Yojimbo said...

Speaking of PWND, I was wondering if Brad Smilo was in line to interview our favorite "Captain of Industry". I'm sure he has some sage advice for the new members of congress. Isn't it about time we got the inside baseball on how much support the Tea Party received during the last year and a half?

RebeccaH said...

I don't think we'll have to worry about Julian Assange for very much longer. The man is an idiot.

Paco said...

YoJ: It is about time for J.P. to make another appearance, isn't it?