Thursday, April 28, 2011

Is Michael Barone losing his touch?

I have long admired Michael Barone for his political savvy, his cool deliberation, his insightful analysis. So, you can imagine my disappointment when I read this article, in which he discussed the nomination process and did a quick run-through of the Republican presidential candidates, without ever mentioning me.

Well, let me give you a few hard facts facts, Mr. Barone, based on some sophisticated polling done by the respected firm, Polling Analysis and Cut-rate Oneiromancy:

1) I win handily in a face-off with Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot (and trail Juan Perón by less than two percentage points - and that’s probably just because of his fancy uniform).

2) In a preference check-off list of things people most want to avoid, a Paco presidency scored well below “being disemboweled with a spork”, and only one step ahead of “dying without benefit of clergy”.

3) At our recent family reunion, held at the home of Old Paco, I won 85% of the vote in a match-up with Gary Johnson (and, yes, I’m aware of charges that this poll may have been tainted by the purported likelihood that my relatives thought the Gary Johnson in question was the local bootlegger who sold the bad whiskey that laid out half the Paco clan at last year’s family reunion, instead of the former New Mexico governor, and that the 15% who voted against me were the Primitive Baptists in the family who think that imbibers of alcoholic beverages deserve whatever they get; however, I and my - or, heh, I mean the - polling firm deny these allegations).

In addition to polling strongly, I think I am assured of sufficient funding. I talked to my uncle, J. Packington Paco III, just last night, and he was delighted when I asked him for financial support. At least, he sounded delighted. He was laughing a lot, anyway.

It’s ok, Michael. Even the best hitters take their eye off the ball from time to time. Try to do better going forward. Tell you what; here’s something to keep you alert to the viability of a Paco presidential run: “White House spokesman Michael Barone”. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

21 comments:

Minicapt said...

I think Mr Barone cover the topic quite splendidly and with almost complete comprehensiveness. If he missed any proper candidate, it was not evidence in his fine article.

Rhino Party FTW!

Cheers

Walla Walla Tea Party Patriots said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Walla Walla Tea Party Patriots said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Walla Walla Tea Party Patriots said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nashville Beat said...

I, for one, think a Paco administration would place well ahead of Millard Fillmore's.

Paco said...

I have complete confidence that it would, Nash. Possibly even ahead of U.S. Grant, and at least neck and neck with Warren G. Harding (without the latter's illicit trysts in the broom closets, of course).

RebeccaH said...

Don't worry, Paco. You still have my vote. For what it's worth.

Steve Burri said...

There are those who say that Paco wasn't born in the United States.

Why hasn't he shown his long form birth certificate? What's he trying to hide?

Jeffery said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeffery said...

Heck, Paco, what's not to vote for you?

You look snazzy with a Tommy gun!

JeffS said...

OK, 'scuze all of the "Comment Deleted" posts. Blogger decided to go bonkers on me, and I've been trying to fix it, damn their eyes.

bruce said...

Yeah blogger went bonkers on me too. I thought Paco was having a spam attack and switching to 'register' temporarily. Odd.

bruce said...

Actually, not making Paco the President would just be silly, so much time-wasting silliness.

Statistics have proven it!

Paco said...

On to victory!

El Cid said...

What the hell does Bar-one know. I mean come on, his name is a giveaway Paco..

Trouble with E-Blogger, just may have been due to the below. Wordy has had its share of probs, as well giving Wordy users, fits.

Don't know for sure, as my knowledge with this computer/InterWebby stuff is limited by:

1. One button lights this thing up and I'll be damned, the same button when punched again, makes it go dark.

2. Technickle, is the way I spell that word.

April 19th: WordPress Servers Hacked!

RebeccaH said...

I wondered what was up with all the "deleted" posts. I thought somebody was putting up "Vote for Trump!" posts.

JeffS said...

Seems to have fixed, now, Rebecca.

"Vote for Trump"? Not on your life! ;-p

Anonymous said...

Where do you rate vis-a-vis being thrown to the Sarlacc?

Stosh2 said...

With all of the might of Paco Enterprises behind you is there a question of the outcome?

Paco said...

Stosh: You have to remember, though - Democrats cheat! They are completely without the kind of, er, honesty that one associates with Paquismo.

Bob Belvedere said...

Okay, now they're demaning you're bar receipts - the bastards!

Linked to at:
Question Of The Day