Looking for a tasty pick-me-up with proven health benefits? Then try our new tea, distributed through Panda-Assisted Comestibles Online.
Yes, this brand new variety – which we call "poolong" – is made from tea fertilized with panda feces. Not only is it delicious, it helps prevent cancer, gout and the West Indian dry gripes. And at $36,000 per pound, it’s a steal!
Frankly, you can’t afford not to drink it. Order now, and we’ll throw in a complementary bag of our other new product, “Coughee”: a rich blend of Brazilian and Colombian coffees, harvested from plants fertilized with tree sloth phlegm. Just the thing to wash down a breakfast of our hash brown pootatoes™ and scrambled-egg crâps™!