Paco World News Daily (PWN’D)
In a move that rocked the political world, the New Black Panther Party and the Ku Klux Klan announced at a joint press conference today in Washington, D.C. that the two organizations are going to join forces. In what is being heralded as a merger of separate-but-equals, the two groups have pledged to create a consolidated corporate entity. Although the new organization will continue to maintain independent executive structures, there will be an interlocking directorate co-chaired by representatives of the two original firms.
New Black Panther Party Minister of Propaganda, Emperor Shabazz Ono Wambezi (f/k/a Clarence Jackson) stated that “This combination, even allowing for the need to create separate washroom facilities, will permit our two groups to reduce overhead through the sharing of office space and information technology management services. It’s a win-win situation.”
Asked how two groups that obviously loathe each other could work together effectively, KKK Exalted Grand Dragon, Otis Suggins, dismissed the problem as immaterial. “This is a revolutionary breakthrough in marketing. The merger of our organizations will enable us to develop what we like to call ‘synergistic polarities’ which will allow us to assemble a very diverse customer base and achieve dominant market share in the racism sector. Our ultimate goal is to create a one-stop hate shop.”
The new entity is already contemplating potential acquisitions, and has initiated discussions with Goldman Sachs about the possibility of floating a variable-rate Mexican-peso bond to fund the purchase of a controlling interest in MEChA, as well as structuring leveraged buy-outs of Aryan Nation and Nation of Islam.
Although the NBPP and the KKK anticipate finalizing the merger by the end of August, there is at least one legal hurdle to overcome. Both the Securities and Exchange Commission and the Interstate Commerce Commission are evaluating the merger in order to determine whether the proposed consolidation will result in a monopoly in the racism industry. PWN’D contacted Marvin Adler, spokesman for the ICC, who said the issue was very much in play. “We’re still in the preliminary stages of assessing the proposed merger,” Adler stated. “It’s important to maintain a level playing field, even in the area of mindless bigotry.”
The joint press conference broke up unexpectedly when law enforcement officers from the ATF stormed the dais and arrested both Emperor Shabazz and Exalted Grand Dragon Suggins on outstanding illegal-weapons charges. As the two men were led away in handcuffs, a smiling Emperor Shabazz told reporters, “This is just a temporary setback. You can’t fight Blair’s Law.”