Paco Enterprises recently completed the design and construction of a revolutionary new polygraph machine – the Mendacimeter – which not only measures changes in the heartbeat, body temperature and breathing patterns of the subject, but also analyzes visual input, including such things as posture, facial expressions, eye-blinking and other forms of body language. Senator Obama kindly consented to an interview with me, and professed his willingness to do so under the gimlet eye of the Mandacimeter. The transcript of our interview appears below.
Paco: Senator Obama, I want to thank you for taking time out from your busy schedule to meet with me today.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
Obama: Wha…? Wait a minute; I haven’t even said anything yet.
Paco: I know, Senator, but you are sitting there looking presidential. Now, let’s get down to business. How do you square your early associations with radicals such as the black nationalist, Reverend Jeremiah Wright, and ex-Weather Underground bomber William Ayers with your pitch to the American people that you are uniquely suited to heal and unify our nation?
Obama: Well, Reverend Wright isn’t a radical…
Beep! Beep! Beep!
Obama: I mean, he wasn’t, a radical when I first…
B-E-E-P! B-E-E-P! B-E-E-P!
Obama: That is to say, I didn’t know he was a radical…
Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
Paco: All-righty; maybe we ought to move on to something else, for the time being. A number of your supporters have been photographed in their offices, sitting under the famous picture of Ché Guevara. Are you troubled by the fact that people of the extreme left seem to be attracted to your campaign?
Obama (pulling a handkerchief from his pocket, and mopping his brow): Er…well…heh…I guess that they’re not really Marxists…
Obama: Well, I’m the person running for President, and I’m certainly not a Marxist…
Obama: Ok, ok; maybe I’m what the Europeans would call a sort of social democrat…
Obama: Listen, how about if you turn that thing off?
Paco: I think that’s all we have time for today, anyway, Senator. This has been a very revealing interview. Thanks again for dropping by, and good luck with your campaign.
Obama: I don’t need luck; I’ve got the truth on my side.