Saturday, October 31, 2009

A Turd By Any Other Name...

Here’s a health care roundup.

1) Rep. John Boehner underscores the Republican alternatives.

2) Pelosi’s bill offers reformless tort reform.

3) By the way, speaking of Pelosi, is she absolutely insane or just incredibly stupid? Actually, I suppose there’s no reason she couldn’t be both.

4) Even without the public option, the House bill’s version of health care is still socialism.

Dunk the Congressman

Alan Grayson (Dufus-FL) has made such a splash that some of his constituents have, er, created this tribute to him.

Scozzafava Quits

Stacy McCain has the scoop.

More from American Power, and from Richard McEnroe, who makes the important point that we are now engaged in a war against incumbency - or perhaps we should call it incumbecism, since getting into office and staying there seems to be the principal ideology of most of our elected officials.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Happy Feet Friday

A very rare video clip from 1948 of Andy Kirk and his Twelve Clouds of Joy. Dig that pre-Rock & Roll guitar (especially in the second number, starting at around 3:30).

You Mean Like Boils and Locusts?

Obama has been sent by God.

An Interview With a Captain of Industry


Brad Smilo, reporter for Paco World News Daily (PWNd), joins J. Packington Paco III in his penthouse suite, high atop Paco Tower. They are seated in J.P.’s library, before a cozy fire fueled by specially-imported Brazilian-rainforest logs.

Brad: J.P., it’s good to see you again.

J.P: Delighted, my boy, simply delighted! May I offer you some refreshments? Spurgeon, the French Roast espresso, made from my bottled Himalayan glacier water, if you please.

Spurgeon: Very good, sir.

Brad: J.P., President Obama has definitely charted a new economic course for America, one that features a far greater role for government than in the past, and far greater deficits to support it. Do you find this worrisome?

J.P: Not at all, Brad. Even a wrecked ship frequently offers much in the way of salvage value.

Brad: Let’s start with cap-and-trade. Many people see this as just a huge tax increase on the middle class.

J.P: And so it is. Sigh. Going to be tough for the poor devils, no doubt about it.

Brad: But it doesn’t worry you?

J.P: Oh, no, my boy! Pots of money in it.

Brad: How so?

J.P: I’m an issuer and a market-maker in Perfectly Authentic Carbon Offset certificates. Why, I print the things up by the thousand. Here, let me show you one. [Searches through some papers on a side-table] Ah! Here we are. Have you ever seen a finer piece of work?

Brad [examines the sheet of heavy, parchment-like paper] Say, that is nice! It looks just like a stock certificate. Can you explain the symbolic significance of the images engraved on this document?

J.P: With pleasure, old fellow! Note, in the background, a factory. See the tall smokestack with a giant cork jammed in the top? Self-explanatory, I think. And here, in the foreground, a bevy of scantily-clad young women dancing in wanton abandon. Er, Gaia’s handmaidens, if you will.

Brad: Hubba hubba!

J.P: Hubba hubba, indeed, Brad.

Brad: What’s that thing the girls are dancing around? It looks like a cigar-store Indian.

J.P: No, no. That’s Al Gore.

Brad: Oh. Yes…yes, I see it, now. So, what does a purchaser of your carbon-offset certificates get for his money?

J.P: A lifetime sense of smug moral superiority and preening self-satisfaction.

Brad: But I see that the certificates are issued at ten thousand dollars apiece. That seems kind of high.

J.P: A liberal’s desire to look down his nose at his fellows is always at a premium. And it is a vast and growing market.

Spurgeon enters noiselessly carrying a silver tray, laden with a silver coffee pot, a silver sugar bowl, and exquisitely delicate china demitasse-cups

Spurgeon: I regret to report, sir, that your last bottle of Himalayan glacier water was contaminated with what appeared to be a few strands of yeti hair. I substituted the melted Arctic iceberg water. I trust you will find it satisfactory.

J.P: I’m sure it is excellent, Spurgeon. Thank you.

Brad: Let’s move on to health care. Do the various Democratic bills floating around out there give you cause for concern?

J.P: Ah, health care! Another splendid money-making opportunity. There is a tremendous demand for death-panel reprieves, and they’re a steal at only five thousand dollars.

Brad: Death-panel reprieves? But…will they be honored?

J.P: Why shouldn’t they be? They are all signed by the chief physician of the hospital I own in Costa Rica.

Brad: You own a hospital in Costa Rica?

J.P: I certainly do.

Brad: Well, that seems very philanthropic of you, J.P. How many beds are there in this hospital?

J.P: One.

Brad: Er…one?

J.P: Yes. That’s all I’ll need. Oh, I offered Spurgeon the opportunity to avail himself of the hospital’s services, but he politely declined. Said it would be taking a liberty.

Brad: Well, thank you, J.P. As always, it’s been fascinating.

J.P: Come again, Brad, anytime. Say, my dear fellow, are you feeling quite well?

Brad: Who, me? Sure, I’m in tip-top condition. Why?

J.P: You appear to be a bit anemic. And there’s a sort of…I don’t know…jaundiced look about the eyes. And what’s that thing on your neck?

Brad: I haven’t got five thousand dollars, J.P.

J.P: Ah. Well, now that I take a second look, I’m sure it’s probably just the lighting in here. Take care of yourself, Brad!

No, Valerie, That’s Speaking Power to Truth

White House adviser and well-dressed slumlord, Valerie Jarrett, claims that the administration’s aggressive stance toward Fox News represents the act of speaking “truth to power.”

She has it exactly backwards, of course, but when you’ve formed the habit of using buzzwords and clichés as substitutes for, you know, actual thought, you’re bound to experience the occasional misfire. This is one of the many worrisome attributes of this administration, to date. Obama and his legion of hopesters descended on Washington in a soupy fog of cant and intellectual baby-talk, designed to mask their hard-edged, cleared-eyed vision of a greatly-expanded nanny-state. As reality begins to burn off the fog, the true shape of this worldview is becoming more apparent, and the ability to disguise it increasingly difficult.

Meanwhile, conservatives continue to regroup and are showing remarkable strength and resiliency, not only in their fight against Democrats, but against the appeasers in what should be their natural home, the Republican Party. The next few years will see a (possibly) decisive struggle to win the hearts and minds of our fellow citizens. We will find out whether we have become a nation of sheep, or whether we can still legitimately refer to America as the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Fortune Favors the Bold…

…as Stacy McCain points out in his latest post on the three-way race in New York’s 23rd congressional district. Be sure to note his comment about MoveOn’s ultimate scare-tactic: Hoffmann’s been endorsed by the Sarah Palin wing of the GOP!!!

As the saying goes, that’s a feature not a bug.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Bwahaha!

Probably the funniest thing I read today.

Also posted at Tim Blair's blog, with this gem from commenter Infidel Tiger: "Colonel Sanders then gave a rambling three hour speech blaming the Jews for trying to steal his secret 11 different spices recipe."

Miss Red

Friend and fellow blogger Miss Red has an interesting post on the subject of decision-making and its consequences.

I can relate to this. At the agency where I work, the perennial failure to make tough (but necessary) decisions has left our new, Obama-appointed political leadership an opening to hire consultants to create a "strategic vision". I read a portion of the consultants' work and found it highly amusing. The person who coined the phrase "multifunctional choreography" to describe a proposed change in our structure and operations was obviously somebody who had trouble expressing his ideas clearly - assuming he had any to begin with.

From the Shelves of, er, Somebody's Else's Library

I've been so busy this week that I haven't had a chance to even fake a book review, so today I'll send you over to The American Spectator and Brandon Crocker's excellent look at How Rome Fell, by Adrian Goldsworthy. What I find particularly intriguing is Goldsworthy's thesis that the uncontrolled growth of bureaucracy was one of the main factors contributing to Rome's downfall.

But of course, it can't happen here.

Dollars for Bowling

Naturally, this sort of thing didn't start with Obama, or even with the Democratic Party. But isn't it a little...off message? I mean, for a president who, during his campaign, spoke sanctimoniously about the dangers of influence-peddling? To show real bi-partisanhip, I'd have supposed that he would at least have asked Sarah Palin to caddie for him.

Announcing the Formation of a Committee to Piss on Larry David

Who knows? If we get enough volunteers, we may be able to establish a full-fledged "Society".

David - whom I've never heard of, but don't go by me - went on an episode of the HBO program, "Curb Your Enthusiasm", and pissed on a picture of Jesus.

Wow, what courage that must have taken! Imagine how he must now be living in fear for his life from the mobs of outraged believers of the Catholic League and the Southern Baptist Convention. It's amazing the way that liberals and other cultural nihilists only mock the beliefs of people they can pretty reasonably assume won't cut their heads off, film the proceedings and put the result up on some jihadi web site. It's the dull-edged edginess of the oh so careful and oh so selective left-wing hater.

You really want to do "edgy", Larry? Piss on a picture of Mohammed. Maybe you can get the Unitarians to give you sanctuary.

Update: Dan Collins is way ahead of me.

Watch on the RINO

Carol's Closet discusses that useless political pimple, Florida governor Charlie Crist, and also has a mini-linkfest to blogs touching on other members of the herd.

Update: Some Crist skullduggery?

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Lightning Rod!

An interesting article by George Will on Rep. Michele Bachmann (H/T: The Middle Coast).

Dead Physicist Who Didn't Own a Comb Showed That Renewable Energy Doesn’t Add Up

Courtesy of that indefatigable internet voyager, Captain Heinrichs, and that fine blog, Small Dead Animals, comes this article explaining Albert Einstein’s famous formula, plus the limits of renewable energy.


”And, so, voilà! Light, flaky biscuits every time!”

Alan Grayson Sees Dead People

And whores. And vampire bats, don’t forget the vampire bats.

It looks like the left’s newest hero, Rep. Alan Grayson (Delirious-FL), is starting to unnerve some of his own boosters. I wonder, idly, if congressmen can receive money for endorsements. If they can, I see how Grayson could profit handsomely…

Royal Palm Rest Home: “I give it five stars!” – Alan Grayson.

Home Depot: Special this week on rubber wallpaper - “Durable and safe”, says Alan Grayson.

Brooks Brothers: We are pleased to offer our new line of men’s attire, “Fashion for the Frenzied”. Alan Grayson says, “It looks so stylish, I wouldn’t take this jacket off even if I could!”

Alan Grayson for Idaho Potatoes: “When I spoon mashed potatoes onto my head, I want spuds with staying power. Nothing beats the adhesive quality of Idaho potatoes!”

Michaels Arts and Crafts Store: Whether you’re just a beginner, or a master craftsman like Alan Grayson, we can meet all of your basket-weaving needs!


”Hi, I’m Alan Grayson. Watch as I form an ocarina with my hands and perform the William Tell Overture”.

And I’m thinking of Running for King of Denmark

Newt Gingrich claims to be mulling over a presidential bid in 2012.

Meh. I don’t see it. His endorsement of Scozzawhatza in NY-23 has caused conservatives a fair amount of consternation, and he has some personal history that doesn’t seem very appealing (or at least, which can be played as unappealing). He’s a bright guy in many ways, and an articulate speaker, but some people just seem to have a genetic predisposition for unelectability at the presidential level. I’d be interested in hearing readers’ views.

Besides, he’s potentially dangerous. It says rat cheer in the Wikipedia that “Many newts produce toxins in their skin secretions as a defense mechanism against predators.” Although I suppose that could be helpful in a tough debate.

P.S. Yo, Mikael! Don’t worry, buddy. I’m not really running for king of Denmark. They won't let me bring my guns.

Monday, October 26, 2009

President Molasses P. Dawdle*


*And the "P" stands for Pokey.

"I will never rush the solemn decision of sending you into harm's way. I won't risk your lives unless it is absolutely necessary."

Unless, of course, you're already over there waiting for back-up. Then it's just your tough luck.

I've seen glaciers with a greater sense of urgency than this bozo.

Election Roundup

1) Marco Rubio continues to gather support in Florida as the genuine conservative alternative to RINO Charlie Crist.

2) In the three-way New Jersey governor’s race, incumbent Democrat Jon Corzine is in a dead heat with Republican challenger Chris Christie. Independent Chris Daggett, who has been pulling votes from Christie, has some ‘splainin’ to do about a gun found in a loaner-car he was driving, and (of course) one of Corzine’s bagmen has been convicted.

3) Doug Hoffman in New York’s 23rd-district congressional race picked up Sarah Palin’s endorsement and a consequent inflow of cash. Stacy McCain says, make it happen!

Great Moments in Journalism

Sean Penn is going to Cuba where he will mercilessly grill Fidel Castro on the latter’s suppression of human rights. Not!

If Penn really did ask the kind of tough questions an honest journalist would ask, he might find himself returning to the U.S. this way…

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Mr. Deeds Goes to Richmond Under the Bus

Dafydd ab Hugh of Big Lizards turns his spotlight on Creigh Deeds' imploding campaign for governor of Virginia.

Deeds has run a poor campaign, notably harping on the 20-year-old college thesis of his opponent, Republican Bob McDonnell (perhaps Deeds shouldn't have to take all the blame for that, since the Washington Post - no doubt trying to be helpful - mentioned the thesis scores of times; Deeds, naturally enough for a Democrat, figured if the Post thought it was such a big deal, then everybody else must, too. Hey, not outside of Northern Virginia, pal!)

As the linked post indicates, the Democrats are already attempting to attribute Deeds' coming loss to his insufficient ardor for Obamunism. Dafydd underscores the nonsense of this theory: "So that's why they're voting for the Republican, Robert McDonnell. Hey, makes sense to me!"

Autumn Comes to the Paco Command Center

That young whippersnapper, G. Warming, has turned tail and run, with Old Man Winter in the offing. Temperatures were unseasonably cold last week (although they've been fairly nice the last couple of days). The neighborhood is ablaze with fall foliage, as I discovered while walking around the block this morning with Mrs. Paco and Mabel, the official dog of Paco Enterprises.









Gee, Grandma, What a Big Caliber You Have

Wayne Winston attempted to rob a family in their hotel room, when great-grandma drew on him. He is now the late Wayne Winston (H/T: Don Surber).

Saturday, October 24, 2009

You Can't Keep a Good Coyote Down

Man, these animals are extremely resilient! (See here for original news article and video. H/T: Exurban League).

Update: A couple of commenters have reminded me of a particularly resilient coyote...

Chris Matthews Same as Cash!

Chris Matthews has become such an obnoxious shill for the Obama administration that I wonder if the salary he receives shouldn't be treated as an in-kind donation from MSNBC to the Democratic Party.

In an unrelated outrage, "Abscam Jack" Murtha reveals that he has trouble counting Republican votes (although he certainly doesn't have any trouble counting money).

Sunday Funny

Are We Lumberjacks? has today's funny.

You'll Scream! You'll Run! But There's Nowhere to Hide!

Ruby Slippers updates her Movie-Monster list.

Let a Hundred Stinkweeds Bloom


H/T: Net Right Nation.

Silver Screen History

Robert Avrech of Seraphic Secret provides another wonderful vignette of the days of silent films. This one features Tom Mix, his horse (Tony), actress Patsy Ruth Miller, and a stunt gone horribly wrong.

Rule 5 Saturday

Eleanor Powell, a coupla dozen dancing girls, Woody Herman and his orchestra, and a dancing horse in this swingin' number from 1945.

Friday, October 23, 2009

I’ve Got a Feeling We’re Not in Chicago Anymore, Rahm

Ok, I think I’ve got Obama figured out.

a) Politically, he grew up in the corrupt Democratic incubator of Chicago. The last Republican mayor of the Windy City was Al Capone’s poker buddy, “Big Bill” Thompson. Republicans in Chicago have long been a rare breed, and therefore easy targets.

b) The main thing Chicago Democrats have to fight about is dividing up the spoils. And they fight dirty.

c) Conservatives normally (though not always) take shelter under the Republican umbrella, so they’re treated as being interchangeable with the GOP (see “a”, above).

d) As a Chicago-trained politician whose time as a U.S. senator was very short, he never really grasped the idea that the rest of the country isn’t like Chicago (not all of it, anyway).

e) When he was elected president, he figured the USA was just Chicago writ large.

f) As a result of “e”, he has had no problem trying to bully Republicans and those entities that he believes (often mistakenly) are Republican affiliates (insurance companies, banks, Rush Limbaugh, Fox News).

g) Bush was a Republican, so Obama is driven to be the un-Bush; therefore, historical allies become, in his mind, honorary Republicans, and thus suitable for trashing and shoving around. Conversely, America’s (read “Bush’s”) enemies – Iran, Cuba, maybe, now, the Taliban - are transformed into something like honorary Democrats, i.e., international constituents to be reconciled, placated, bought off.

h) Disastrous boondoggles like health care “reform”, cap-and-trade and porkulus are simply bigger, more complex versions of, say, a subsidized housing project or a new park or the filling of potholes in front of a big campaign donor’s house.

Conclusion: Obama’s really pretty stupid. Come 2012, we’ll see how many of the rest of us are.

Anyway, that’s my thesis.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Happy Feet Friday

Blondie and Dagwood accidentally win the prize at a jitterbug contest (from the 1939 film, Blondie Meets the Boss). Some fine, fine instrumental.

Obama Continues to Conduct War Against People Without Guns Who Don't Want to Kill Us

Epic fail as White House tries to ban Fox News from the press pool; other networks stand by Fox.

Contrast with President Rollover's approach to dealing with genuine bad guys.

Update: Allahpundit has this hilarious take on Obama's constant whining about Fox News: "[W]e’ve reached the point where, purely out of self-interest, we may need to start worrying about this guy being on the red line with Medvedev, chatting about nukes, and letting his mind wander to what Sean Hannity said about him that night."

Update II: Hey, at least Barry's not losing any sleep over it.

Why Is Keith Olbermann So Good At Spreading Manure?

Because he was a communications major in Cornell’s agriculture school.

See? There are distinct advantages to being a graduate of an ivy kudzu league school.

Ominous Portents

1) Orwellian.

2) Depraved (and NSFW).

3) Invidious.

4) Nixonian.

5) Incompetent.

Update: Linked by fellow fedora fan, Ed Driscoll.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Spirit of Rebellion

Courtesy of Charlie Fox Trot (H/T: Instapundit; you're welcome for the Pacolanche, Glenn!).

Unrelated update: Be sure to catch Smitty's new epic at the Other McCain, Czar d'Oz.

From the Shelves of the Paco Library



I didn’t have much time this week to do a proper book recommendation, so this is just a snapshot.

Regular readers will remember that I have mentioned author David Liss on a couple of occasions. He has created an interesting niche for himself writing novels centered on various 18th-century financial panics, including a wonderful series featuring thief-taker and investigator, Benjamin Weaver. I have just finished The Whiskey Rebels, which is a variation on the same theme.

Liss takes us to late18th-century America in an action-packed story that revolves around the bank panic of 1791. The book is structured in the form of two alternating first-person accounts by Ethan Saunders and Joan Maycott. Captain Saunders is a former spy for the Continental Army who was cashiered on phony charges of selling information to the British and has fallen on hard times. Joan Maycott is the daughter of a farmer who marries a carpenter, and who, with her husband, moves to the wilds of western Pennsylvania, her husband having been tricked into selling his unpaid army scrip in exchange for what turns out to be worthless land. Their lives become intertwined as Captain Saunders works with Alexander Hamilton to stave off the failure of the Bank of the United States, which is threatened by speculators, and Joan leads a conspiracy of western “whiskey men”, incensed over a new excise tax on their product, to destroy both Hamilton and his bank. The intricate plot features a host of well-drawn characters, including fictional treatments of actual historical figures, including Alexander Hamilton, the financial manipulator William Duer, a cameo appearance by Thomas Jefferson and a walk-on role for George Washington. In addition to the exciting plot, we learn much about the debate in our young country between those who favored a strong national government, and those who viewed the federalists as harbingers of a new tyranny (sound familiar?)

This is highly enjoyable historical fiction, and succeeds in what the genre, at its best, is supposed to do: it enables us to see a distant time through the eyes of the kind of people who lived it, transforming the old, dead past into something fresh and new.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Troll-Swatting

Stacy McCain is, unfortunately, faced with what I hope is a temporary troll infestation. Unfortunate for him as it is, I am enjoying reading his responses.

Stacy and Rush Limbaugh are, I believe, important test cases in the ongoing initiative by leftwing blogs (and, in Rush’s case at least, the dinosaur media) to isolate conservatives by trying to tag them with the racism label. The combination of fake quotes, vague, allusive references, and blatant falsehoods represents a smoke-bomb tossed into the dextrosphere in order to create confusion and distrust. It is a standard Alinsky tactic, and we will probably be seeing far more of it as the struggle between radicals and mainstream America heads toward a series of critical showdowns – on health care, Afghanistan, and cap-and-trade, among many other issues.

I have never met Rush Limbaugh, but I am in full agreement with his general observations on the dangers of leftism, and on the potentially disastrous consequences of Obama’s election (for the U.S. and the world). I do not have much opportunity to listen to his radio program these days, but I used to listen to it pretty regularly, and I never missed his TV show. I have no recollection of ever having heard him utter a racially-offensive remark.

I have long read Stacy McCain with great pleasure. I have had the honor of meeting with him in a social setting on two occasions and have found him to be kind, considerate, intelligent, humane, fair-minded, witty and as complete a gentleman as you might ever hope to encounter.

If Rush Limbaugh and Stacy McCain are racists, then you might as well mark me down as one, too.

Ronald Reagan: Mr. Gorbachev, Tear Down That Wall!

Barack Obama: Meh. I’ve got a salsa lesson scheduled that day.

The Outer Limits of Chutzpah

That perpetual blast of fresh air, Jake Tapper of ABC News, asked White House mouthpiece Robert Gibbs about the administration’s war on Fox News. Click the link to see a transcript of the exchange between Tapper and Obama’s stuttering parrot.

I cannot remember anything quite like this. Some people have drawn parallels with Nixon and his enemies list, but as I recall, that backfired pretty badly. The strategy seems far more dangerous this time around. Nixon was disliked, if not hated, by most of the news media types of his era, to whom threats of this sort were like a red flag to a bull; whereas, these days, much of the press has already signed on to Obamunism and would welcome another excuse not to pursue stories that would reflect poorly on him and/or his administration (raging bull, meet Ferdinand).

It was once the opening of a popular Sci-Fi TV series; it’s looking more like the real deal every day…



Update: More on the White House's moronic war on Fox News from Blue Crab Boulevard.

I hereby offer Fox the following new slogan, gratis: "Fox News: What the White House is afraid for you to see!"

Monday, October 19, 2009

Well, Newsweek Sure Is


Truth to tell, if the President is listening to Biden on Afghanistan, the VP may have ceased to be a funny joke, but he's still a joke (of the extremely bad, "practical" variety).

As to the Newsweek cover, this is just the zillionth example of the mainstream media shouldering an Obama placard in the permanent campaign.

Update: Biden no joke. Bwahahaha!!!

Hired Guns?

Self-styled conservative purist, David Frum, wonders whether Limbaugh, Beck et al might not simply be mercenaries who would gladly sell out to “progressivism” for the right price. Kathy Shaidle asks a first-rate question: “What’s Frum’s excuse?”

David obviously sees himself as “frummer” than thou, which makes him uniquely qualified, in his own mind, to serve as head of the conservative movement’s internal affairs department. While millions of people – conservative, moderate or just plain alarmed – watch with mounting fear and anger as capital “P” progressives under the leadership of the Obama administration attempt to dismantle this country’s traditions of individual freedom, self-reliance and limited government, Frum asks that we hold the noise down and observe the proprieties - and while we’re at it, to be considerably less obstreperous in our opposition to adopting European-style socialism. Perhaps, as one of Frum’s brethren, David Brooks, suggests, we should all just resolve to Be British, and embrace conservatism’s proposed role as a mere sheet anchor, to be used in case of emergencies to stabilize the Ship of State on its unchangeable course toward the socialist utopia.

Sorry, old boy, but being an ex-scribbler for National Review hardly qualifies you as a conservative strategist. No more than it does, say, Gary Wills or David Brooks or Jeffrey Hart. And even your mentor, William F. Buckley, Jr., conceded that it is frequently the conservative’s duty to stand athwart history shouting, “Stop!” In our headlong rush toward the nanny state, urging that we slow from a gallop to a canter is an admission of defeat, and you will never rally the troops to the banner of the white feather.


“My dear fellow, how very un-Burkean of you.”

Maybe We Oughta Take Fox Nooz Fer a Little Ride



David Axelrod: Ya know, Mr. Emanuel, de more I t’ink about it, de more it seems like Fox Nooz is jus’ a bunch a’ right-wing shills.

Rahm Emanuel: Oh, f****n’ A, Mr. Axelrod! Why, Glenn Beck is pra’tically a Joseph Goobles. An’ dat Krauthammer boid; I’d sure like to give him de Tommy Udo treatment! Still, dey got some hot babes. Now, take dat Spanish skoit, Julie Banderas. How’d ya like to see dat long, black hair splashed over a pillow sometime, ya know? An’ de Scandi broad, Molly whoosis, de one wit’ de blond hair an’ de deep blue eyes like a Norwegian ford. Dem two can interview me in de back seat a’ my limo anytime, if ya know what I mean, no appointment necessary.

Axelrod: Yeh, dere a coupla juicy dames, all right. Dat’s one reason I hate to have to bash Fox Nooz on de talk shows every week. But it’s like it’s our patriotic dooty, see?

Emanuel: Oh, absolutely, Mr. Axelrod. If we hadda knew durin’ de campaign dat dey were goin’ to be dis un-American, we coulda prolly had sump’n woiked out wit’ deir license a long time ago. Now, we gotta play it kinda careful.

Axelrod: Eggzactly, Mr. Emanuel. ‘Course, dere’s a bright side; we still got MSNBC and CNN in our pockets.

Emanuel: Yeh, dat’s true. On de udder hand, who de hell wants to see Chris Matthews’ hair fanned out on a pillow?

Hey, Taxpayers! Stick Your Hand In The Fire Again And See If It Still Gets Burned

I know politicians are not known for having long memories, but this is ridiculous: “Easy-money mortgages still provided, by the feds”.

From the article:
The significant expansion and liberalization of FHA's loan programs is enabling Americans to go back to many of the same bad credit practices that analysts say were at the root of the housing crisis, likely feeding further waves of default and foreclosure. But this time it is the taxpayer - not the banks - who could end up holding the bag.

Whitney Tilson, manager of investment firm T2 Partners LLC and author of "More Mortgage Meltdown: 6 Ways to Profit in These Bad Times," called "cataclysmic" the surging default rates of more than 30 percent on loans insured since 2006 by the FHA. That is not far below the 40 percent rate of default and foreclosure on the notorious subprime loans that ignited the credit crisis.

"The FHA's portfolio is exploding and the taxpayer is now on the hook for 100 percent of the losses," he said.

Of course, this isn’t really a matter of short memories; it’s part and parcel of the government’s tendency to metastasize into a bloated tumor that sucks the life out of our economy. If anything deserves to go before a death panel, it’s government expansionism.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Ticks on the Body Politic


This week's highlighted parasite is Al Sharpton: race hustler, hoax promoter, rabble-rouser and convicted slanderer. Now he's threatening to sue Rush Limbaugh for slander.

Go ahead, Al. Make Rush's day. Let's all take that walk down memory lane, back to the four days of riots in Crown Heights. And while we're at it, let's rehash the days leading up to the shooting incident at Freddie's Fashion Mart. Oh and btw; you still owe the slandered prosecutor in the Tawana Brawley case over three hundred grand, the Treasury $1.5 million in back taxes, and there's that little matter of the $285,000 Federal Election Commission fine.

Al Sharpton: a truly worthless American.

The Crackling Din of Promises Being Broken


Sure, Obama's word is his bond; but it's like an old Confederate Treasury issue - a little hard to redeem.

Here's a site that's attempting to keep track of the president's broken promises (though I suspect it's way behind).

Image gratefully pinched from The People's Cube

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Blogger Makes Good

Blogger Margo's Maid of Shadowlands unmasks herself himself as Gavin Atkins, who has joined Asian Correspondent. Remember to update those bookmarks and blog-rolls, folks!

Rule Five Saturday Sunday

Thelma White and Her All Girl Orchestra do a knock-off of “Hamp’s Boogie-Woogie”. Kindly disregard the mistaken labeling on the video ("Thelma White & His [sic] Band"; Thelma is definitely a girl).

Sunday Funnies

epic fail pictures
see more Epic Fails

Also, check out Bite Me! Comics (Chuck Johnson - Race Detective) (H/T: The Other McCain and El Campeador).

Assortment

1) Keith Olbermann at home.

2) Stacy McCain presents an example of another in the ongoing acts of idiocy being committed by the National Republican Congressional Committee. And Madison Conservative in the Green Room at Hot Air has some interesting background on the NRCC's candidate in NY-23.

3) Swell. Another recruit to Islamic fanaticism (H/T: Instapundit).

4) Richard McEnroe has a link to a site that shows the impact of hope ‘n change on jobs (and when I say “impact”, think “crater”).

5) Pixie Place has another terrific link to Thomas Sowell’s latest.

6) Skepticrats has a first rate idea about what Obama should do with that Nobel Peace Prize dough.

7) Something rotten in Denmark (H/T: Captain Heinrichs).

8) Photoshopper extraordinaire, Carol of No Sheeples Here, announces the launching of a new blog on Monday called the 9/12 Mom's Network. Be sure to check it out.

Friday, October 16, 2009

One of the best lines of the week

"Obama has taken so long formulating an Afghanistan policy that he’s in danger of becoming a Khartoum-character." From Cold Fury.

Update: Another reason why sending more troops to Afghanistan makes sense: John Kerry's against it.

BTW, I am instituting a new award to mark those public figures who put the lives of our troops at risk by advocating a pusillanimous, lukewarm military policy designed to mollify their leftist constituencies. I take great pleasure in bestowing the first Purple Buttocks Award on Senator John Kerry.

Maybe "No, Thanks" Would Have Been the Right Choice After All

Obama picks up his Nobel Peace Prize

The auditorium was buzzing with the murmur of hundreds of separate conversations, as the audience waited in a state of excited anticipation for the proceedings to commence. On the dais sat , reading left to right: a tall, stout gentleman in his early seventies, whose bald head gleamed in the stage lights like an ostrich egg on an African plain at high noon; a handsome fellow, perhaps 15 years younger, with well-trimmed, snowy-white hair; a woman of about the same age as snow-head, who bore a vague resemblance to the ornamental object known as a “kitchen witch”; and three middle-aged women who sat with their arms folded across their bosoms, and with ominous scowls on their faces. The septuagenarian was distinguished by his attire – a dark blue uniform complete with red sash and gold epaulettes, the general effect putting one in mind of a British admiral from the late Victorian era. This was King Harald V of Norway, in attendance to perform one of his more boring duties, the presentation of the Nobel Peace Prize to this year’s winner. He muttered to himself, softly. “’Congratulations, Meester Obeamer’. Vait, now…dat’s not right. How dew yew say dat guy’s name? Ach! I know vhat I’ll say. ‘Congratulations, Meester President’. Ha! Goldang, Harald, but yer a shmart vun, if I dew say so!”

Snow-head – Thorbjørn Jagland – the chairman of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, ran a finger around the inside of his winged collar, and straightened his white bow tie. He turned to the kitchen witch – Sissel Marie Rønbeck – and whispered a question, “De udder ladeez seem a leetle outta sorts dis evenink.”

Sissel – who, in her formal gown, looked like someone’s fairy god-mother-in-law – smiled nervously. “I t’ink mebbe derr still kinda mad about de nomination. Dey don’t really agree vit our choice.”

Abruptly, the lights in the house began to dim, and Jagland stepped to the podium.

He cleared his throat and proceeded. “La-deeeez an’ yentlemen! Tewnight dis here Committee hass de honor tew present de Nobel Peace Prize tew a trewly distinguished citizen of de vorld. Now, some of yew might be sayin’ to yerselves, ‘By cracky, Thorbjørn, hew put de dope in yer fiskesuppe? Dis feller ain’t done nuttink dat I can see.’ But tew yew I say, peace is a forvard-lookin’ proposition, and if ever derr vas a man whose achievements all lie in de future, it’s de President of de Yewnited States of America, Baruch H. Øbama! So, vitout furdder adew, I’ll ask de president tew come on out here and get his avard, which vas granted vit de, er, yewnanimous approval of de Committee.”

Barack Obama, dressed to the nines in full-formal evening wear, walked with a quick step from behind the curtains and approached the podium to loud applause. His smile was a little strained, perhaps because he found Jagland’s speech somewhat lacking in the competent application of unctuousness he was used to receiving back home, including, as it did, the unfortunate reference to the fact that his achievements to date had been conspicuous by their absence. Still, a Nobel prize is a Nobel prize, and if he had to endure the clumsy encomium of Chairman Jagland, it was a small price to pay. King Harald rose from his seat and stepped forward, since it was his job to officially bestow the medal on the winner.

“Congratulations, Meester Banana - er, heh, I mean, congratulations Meester President. Permit me tew present to yew dis here medal, vhich, as yew haff already heard, vas granted by de Committee yewnanimously.”

Suddenly, one of the three scowling women – Kaci Kullmann Five – was on her feet shouting. “By t’under, I can’t shtand no more! De decision vas not originally yewnanimous! Me an’ Inger-Marie an’ Agot taut de whole t'ing vas a shtewpid idear, didn’t ve, girls?”

Inger-Marie and Agot leaped to their feet, too, voicing their approbation of Kaci’s remarks.

“De only reason ve vent along iss because yew kep’ brow beatin’ us, Thorbjørn.”

Jagland, turning a deep shade of magenta in his anger and mortification, roared at Kaci, “Sit down, yew silly cow!”

Kaci, incensed by this comment, grabbed the presentation box out of the king’s hands. Jagland tried to block her move, accidentally grabbing a handful of her bosom.

“Auuuugh!” she screamed. “Yew t’ink yer agoin’ tew grab my bewbs like yew did vit Synnøve Svabø, dew yew? Vell, yew got anutter t’ing comin’, by yimminy!”

King Harald - bitterly lamenting the passing of the old days, when a Viking chief might, with impunity, have waded into a situation like this with a slashing sword, no questions asked - frowned sternly at Jagland. “Thorbjørn, are yew insultink de maidenhewd of dis voman?”

Before Jagland could explain, Kaci opened the box, grabbed the medal by the ribbon, and swung it at the chairman’s head like a medieval flail, clopping him a juicy one on the jaw. Obama shouted. “Hey! You’re denting my medal!” Turning quickly to the microphone, he added, “Which, incidentally, I don’t deserve, but…Will you please stop beating him with it?”

Kaci, her wrath expended, stood over Jagland’s prostrate form, breathing heavily. The chairman lay on the floor moaning, his face covered with reddish, circular indentations, each one bearing within its circumference the incuse likeness of Alfred Nobel. Kaci tossed the medal to Obama, who caught it, two-handed. She then said to the President, “Now, dat dere mebbe you deserve.”

Obama looked at the battered and dented medal. It was bent almost in half, with the side bearing the image of Alfred Nobel being concave; the crease across the middle distended the lower half of the old boy’s face, making his chin look like Popeye’s.

The President gazed at the medal somberly, then looked at King Harald. “There’s some cash that’s supposed to go with this, too, right?”

Happy Feet Friday

The Swing Commanders give a great retro “Western Swing” performance of “Shotgun Boogie.”

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Let’s Deprive Our Troops of Supplies in Memory of Ted Kennedy

The senate has diverted 2.6 billion – that’s billion - dollars from a defense spending bill in order to finance earmarks. Twenty million dollars is going to fund a freaking educational institute named after the late Senator Edward Kennedy. What the hell are they going to teach there? If there’s any justice at all, there will be a whole department dedicated to this subject.

I invite my readers to suggest other worthy academic disciplines that might be taught at the (spit!) Ted Kennedy School.

Let There Be Light

Australia's decision to ban the incandescent light-bulb gets the bird.

The Negative Ramifications of Positive Feedback

A truly fascinating piece by J. Howard at Protein Wisdom which deals with, among other things, the self-perpetuating destructiveness of socialism.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

From the Shelves of the Paco Library



This week I’ve got two books just for fun.

Disorderly Conduct, by Rodney R. Jones, Charles M. Sevilla and Gerald F. Uelmen, is a selection of excerpts taken from real court cases. As the authors state in their forward, “While the drama which takes place in courtrooms is frequently portrayed by the media, the humor is too often overlooked. It is all preserved, however, in the verbatim transcripts taken down by the Court Reporter.” This book goes a long way toward rectifying the historical imbalance.

Witness a few examples of our legal system in action.
Two police officers extracted a confession from a suspect by advising him the Xerox machine was a lie detector. First they put a colander – a salad strainer – over the suspect’s head and wired it to the duplicating machine. Then, under the Xerox lid they placed a slip of paper reading “He Is Lying!” Every time the suspect answered a question, an officer would press the duplicating button and out would pop a Xeroxed “He Is Lying!” Finally shaken, the suspect told all. His confession was thrown out by a judge who was not amused.

Counsel: Can you participate in an endeavor in which the ultimate result might be death by lethal injection?
Juror: They do that up in Huntsville, don’t they? Yeah, I guess I could do it if it was on a weekend.

Counsel: How do you feel about criminal defense attorneys?
Juror: I think they should all be drowned at birth.
Counsel: Well then, you are obviously biased for the prosecution?
Juror: What makes you think that, I hate prosecutors, too.

The Court: The charge here is theft of frozen chickens. Are you the defendant, sir?
Defendant: No, sir, I’m the guy who stole the chickens.

Counsel: And what happened after you had been listening to the music for awhile?
Witness: We got held up.
Counsel: And what happened? Would you give the judge the details on that?
Witness: Well, they told us to get up against the wall, throw our money on the floor, and drop our pants.
Counsel: And what did you do?
Witness: Got against the wall, threw my pants down, and threw our money down.
Counsel: I mean after you got up against the wall and went through – or followed his directions, what happened?
Witness: Cracked up laughing, because one of the other guys – guys in on it dropped his pants, too.
Counsel: Excuse me. One of the robbers?
Witness: Right.
Counsel: He took off his pants, also?
Witness: Right.
Counsel: And what happened as he did that?
Witness: They told him, “Not you stupid.” And he picked up the money.
Some of the bits from this compilation have been floating around the internet for a few years, but if you want to see the mother lode, you’ll need this book.

* * * *

Now, this is one of those books you have to be careful about reading in a public place. At least, every time I return to it, it makes me laugh out loud. It’s Non Campus Mentis, compiled by Professor Anders Henriksson, a wonderful collection of excerpts from term papers and blue-book exams prepared by college and university students. As Henriksson points out in his introduction, “The spelling may be avant-garde and the logic experimental, but no one can fault these young scholars for lack of creativity. At its best, Non Campus Mentis (a typical student mishearing of non compos mentis) illustrates the ingenious and often comic ways we all attempt to make sense of information we can’t understand because we have no context or frame of reference for it.” And among the malapropisms, non sequiturs, and strange spellings, one is occasionally surprised by a student’s (accidentally) shrewd observation. Here are a few gems from this hilarious collection (all spellings are as they appear in the book):
Civilization woozed out of the Nile about 300,000 years ago. The Nile was a river that had some water in it. Every year it would flood and irritate the land. This tended to make the people nervous.

Arranged marriages required women to accept a kind of mate accompli. King Xerox of Persia invaded Greace, but fell off short at the battle of Thermosalami. Philip of Mastodon captured Greece and then was killed in a family sprawl.

Plato invented reality. He was teacher to Harris Tottle, author of The Republicans. Lust was a must for the Epicureans. Others were the Vegetarians and the Synthetics, who said, “If you can’t play with it, why bother?”

Victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks.

Austria fought the Snerbs. The Allies versed the Turks. The British used mostly Aztec troops to fight at Gallipoli. Italy joined the allies and this was useful because of their common border with Australia.

The Berlin Wall was built somewhere in Europe. President Kennedy soothed the masses, however, with his story about “Itch Ben the Berliner.”

Actually, the fall of empires has been a good thing, because it gives more people a chance to exploit their own people without outside interference.
My eyes weep with tears of laughter, once again, as I comb through this unique book. Take it from me, if you’re ever feeling down, Non Campus Mentis provides an immediate jolt of joy.

Things I’ve Read Today That Just Generally P***ed Me Off

1) What the hell is it with Oregon?

2) Have you noticed how America looks a whole lot smaller in Obama’s world view?

3) Any Cli-Fi advocate who scoffs at Nigerian email scams is a hypocrite on stilts.

4) If schools are going to zealously uphold all “zero tolerance” policies, then why do we need school administrators? If there’s no room for individual judgment, then let these educrats get real jobs stocking produce at Safeway.

No Irish Need Apply

If you’re Irish and you’d like to be mayor of Baltimore…well, boyo, sure an’ ye can just drag your freckled haunches back to Dublin.

Turning to news from the war on mental illness, Stacy McCain draws attention to Allahpundit’s devastating smack-down of the increasingly delusional Charles Johnson.

Democrats Add Some Fine Print to the Bill of Rights

Democrats have attached a provision to the National Defense Authorization Act that could be used to undermine our free speech (Byron York explains).

Odd. We send our troops abroad to risk life and limb in defending American interests, while, back home, cynical Democrats attempt to make the America to which those troops will one day return unrecognizable.

This is yet another reason why I have zero patience with RINOs, who seem to believe that the Democrats, while perhaps sometimes misguided, are generally acting in good faith. No, they’re not. The Democratic Party has become an utterly corrupt organization, not only with respect to the actual violations of law committed by many of its individual members, but, more importantly, in connection with the generational-theft enterprises represented by health care “reform”, cap-and-trade, stimulus bills and God knows what else to come.

Bargain with your own souls, Senator Snowe, Senator Graham, but don’t drag the rest of us down with you. We don’t need a one-and-a-half party system in this country.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

When it comes to American imperialism, the sky's the limit

Yes, NASA would have you believe that they bombed the moon in order to determine whether there is any ice in the Cabeus crater. As readers of this blog, however, you know better.



Commander of the U.S. Moon Invasion Force, General Francis “Old Zero Gravity Pants” Bloodworth, accepts the formal surrender of the moon people’s leader, Emperor Galactipot "Pete" Xanderflux, at a ceremony held in Area 51.

Beware of Jug-Eared Chicagoans Bearing Peace in Our Time

Liz Cheney, William Kristol and Debra Burlingame have teamed up to launch a new organization - Keep America Safe - which intends to highlight the national security issues that our president would rather bury under a mountain of diplomatic applesauce (“Remember those magic words, boys and girls: appease and thank you!”) Jennifer Rubin at Contentions has the background.

RINO Alert

Somebody please tell me again why a liberal Republican is better than any kind of Democrat? The only thing that nominal Republicans like Olympia Snowe are accomplishing is providing a fig-leaf of bipartisanship to what should be a wholly-owned Democrat disaster. This is one of the main reasons that the foot-troops in the Tea-Party movement are (justifiably) skeptical about lining up behind the GOP. Unless the Republican Party begins acting more like a centrifugal, as opposed to a centripetal, force in the whirling galaxy of socialist sentiment that is overwhelming our country, it will go the way of the Whigs.


"Mmmmm...Rinos!"

Update: When I posted that picture of a buzzard, I knew it reminded me of someone - and actually, it's Olympia Snowe. Check out this Beaky the Buzzard cartoon (go to the thumbnail picture below the video and click on "1:30"). I'm telling you, it's her, in both appearance and intelligence.

Monday, October 12, 2009

I Call

James McManus has an interesting article at The Chronicle of Higher Education that explores the impact of the game of poker in America. Bill Gates, for example, believed that poker helped him to learn to process information in a way that had real business applications:
Then there's the seminal influence of poker on Bill Gates during his four semesters at Harvard (1973-75). Twenty years later, in The Road Ahead, Gates recalled the marathon dorm sessions he believes were at least as productive and intellectually stimulating as his time spent in class. Dorm-mate Steve Ballmer calls Microsoft's early business plan "basically an extension of the all-night poker games Bill and I used to play back at Harvard." Gates put it this way: "In poker, a player collects different pieces of information—who's betting boldly, what cards are showing, what this guy's pattern of betting and bluffing is—and then crunches all that data together to devise a plan for his own hand. I got pretty good at this kind of information processing." Indeed, he won a substantial portion of Microsoft's start-up costs in those dorm games. But it wasn't just dollars reaped to be parlayed a millionfold; it was mainly, says Gates, that "the poker strategizing experience would prove helpful when I got into business."
I used to play regularly, myself, and truly love the game. I can't claim that I learned much - except, perhaps, never to play unless completely sober; although, come to think of it, that is a lesson with applications that go far beyond poker.

Now, Let Me Get This Straight...

...the president thinks we can work with the Taliban?

If Barry put half the effort into working with Republicans as he seems to want to put into working with terrorists and dictators, he might actually accomplish something useful.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

The "Yes-We-Can"



Courtesy of Tim Blair.

The “Reality” President

The most important thing to remember about so-called “reality” television shows is that they have very little to do with reality. Whether they involve strangers marooned on a desert island, or rich bachelors interviewing prospective wives or a sluttish heiress picking her way around the cow pies on a farm, these programs are contrived, artificial and geared toward audiences that are used to absorbing entertainment without the need for any significant intellectual engagement – rather like drinking beer.

For that matter, rather like our last election. Barack Obama entered the campaign with a lightness of step and a confidence of manner born of a sense of entitlement, and with a shrewd eye turned toward the main chance. Unburdened by any achievements that had not been midwifed by a powerful network of mainstreamed radical academics and Chicago's Democratic Party machine, this man of extremely limited experience, but boundless ego, capitalized on the perfect storm of economic calamity and widespread disenchantment with George Bush that swamped GOP hopes in 2008. He was heaved into the White House by a fearful, emotional and unthinking electorate, where, for the last nine months, he has veered spastically between ill-advised, snap decisions, and languorous irresolution.

And there is a petulance to this president and his advisers that is highly irritating. Because Obama looks upon the presidency as being, primarily, performance art, and he is, after all, the star of this particular program, why should everyone be constantly nagging him about participating in writing the script? In directing the show? “John McCain was voted off the island, and I was the only one who remained. Isn’t that the end?”

Well, no, not for a president. That is the beginning. Winning may be the initial object, but it is not the job. It is a painful truth for one so besotted with the ephemeral adulation that greeted his electoral victory, but Obama cannot expect that the public will permit him to abjure the responsibilities of leadership in order to wallow in self-congratulation for the next three years. That, Mr. President, is the reality.

Link Unto Others As You Would Have them Link Unto You

It is perhaps the most important of Stacy McCain’s Rules of Blogging – and one in the observance of which I have sometimes failed to do my Christian duty. I blame Technorati! They haven’t updated my “Most Recent Posts” in over two months, and I figured that they weren’t updating the links to Paco Enterprises, either; however, a recent check shows this not to be the case. So I will now attempt to make amends to my colleagues.

1) Stacy continues to fight for justice from the Charlestown (WV) Gazette. I suspect that the ink-stained wretches at the Gazette will soon discover that pulling a kitten by the tail is not the same thing as yanking the tail of a hungry tiger.

2) Ruby Slippers honors yours truly with the number one spot on a top ten list.

3) The Classic Liberal possesses an eye for beauty.

4) The Daley Gator has a fabulous link-fest.

5) Obi’s sister has your Nobel roundup.

6) Prepare to be lionized at The Washington Rebel.

7) 36 Chambers - explore them all!

8) For a comprehensive view of what’s going on in the cybersphere, check out Word Around the Net.

Et Tu, South Carolina?

I can understand how RINOs might carve out a niche for themselves in places like Maine and Washington state and New Jersey, but, c'mon, South Carolina? Lindsey Graham is doubling down on "me-too-liberalism" by jumping on the crap-and-raid bandwagon.


A file photo of Senator Graham ordering conservatives off his lawn.

So, what do Norwegians think of Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize?



Yeah, that about sums it up.

The Award-Winning President

Who would have thought that Barry would also be made one of Australia's Living Treasures? And yet, I have acquired a photo of the presentation medal, so it must be true.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Sunday Funny


Yeah, I know; it's more true than funny. But it's still nice photoshop work.

Rule 5 Saturday

The vivacious Betty Hutton sings “Doctor, Lawyer, Indian Chief.”

Friday, October 9, 2009

It’s Yewnanimous!

Transcript of the proceedings of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee earlier this year.

A low murmur of Norwegian chit-chat is heard. The Chairman bangs the gavel to bring the meeting to order.

Chairman Thorbjøm Jagland: Vell, ever’body, let’s get dis herring boat on de fjord. Ve vill now take under consideration nominations fer de Nobel Peace Prize. Sissel, vould yew like to go first?

Sissel: Ja, tank yew, Meester Chairman. I’d like tew nominate de Dalai Lama.

Thorbjøm: Yumpin’ yimminy, Sissel! Yew alvays go fer de easy pickins! Yew got tew larn tew t’ink outside de box. Ja, ja, Kaci, I see yer hand flappin’ in de air like a vind sock. Go ahett.

Kaci: I t’ink ve ought tew giff de prize tew Yorge Boosh [suggestion met with jeers and catcalls]. Vait a goldarn minute, folks! Hear me out. Now, ve all know dat Yorge Boosh had fascist tendencies, but he stopped short a’ launchin’ a kew d’etat. Mebbe ve giff him de prize, he don’t come back, by golly.

Thorbjøm: Kaci, vhen I say yew all got tew larn tew t’ink outside de box, yew still got tew haff sump’n tew t’ink outside de box vit. Yorge Boosh! Uff da! Now [clears throat] I got me a idear about hew ve could nominate. How about de President of de Yew Ess A?

Kaci: But dat’s ‘zactly vhat I vas tawkin about…

Thorbjøm: No, no, no. Not de alt president. De new vun.

Inger-Marie: Yew mean de black feller? Baruch Whoosis?

Thorbjøm: Try tew stay informed, Inger-Marie. De name ain’t “Baruch Whoosis”; it’s Baruch Øbama.

Agot: But, Meester Chairman, he ain’t done nuttin’ yet.

Thorbjøm: Vhat d’yew mean “he ain’t done nuttin’yet”? He got hisself elected in a country vhere de vite people hate de blacks.

Agot: But, if de vite people hate de blacks, how did he get elected in de first place?

Thorbjøm: Hmm. Vell, yew got me, dere, Agot. But consider dis here: he tawks a pretty gewd game on furrin policy, by grannies! Vhy, giff him a year or tew, and I betcha kroner tew donuts he redewces American influence an’ power to sump’n like Belgium’s – or mebbe even Canada’s!

[Murmurs of approval arise from around the table]

Thorbjøm: Okey-doke, denn. Baruch Øbama it is. Now, hew’s up fer some hjortebakkels und café?

[The Committee retires in a convivial mood, another excellent choice under their belts]

The World Turned Upside Down

President Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

Where's my Pulitzer for the Detective Paco stories?

Update: I've been tied up with mere regular work for two days, but I will be releasing the secret transcript of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee's deliberations sometime tonight (I hope).

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Flip of a COIN

How long before "We misunderstood" becomes "The generals lied to us!"?

Happy Feet Friday

Two young folks cut the rug to the tune of “Jailhouse Blues”, played by Woody Herman and his band.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

From the Shelves of the Paco Library



The celebrated novelist, Evelyn Waugh, was an extremely interesting character, quite aside from the many books he authored; a member of England’s “smart set” in the ‘30s, and a distinguished convert to Catholicism, he saw varied service during WWII (including much that was highly dangerous), and was well known for being something of a cantankerous reactionary in old age (in explaining why he did not vote in general elections, he once said “I do not aspire to advise my sovereign in her choice of servants”). His circle of acquaintance was fairly large, including everybody from literary clergymen such as Ronald Knox, to novelist (and political left-winger) Nancy Mitford.

Fortunately for us, Waugh’s many friends were not in the least shy about talking and writing about him. In Evelyn Waugh and His World, editor David Pryce-Jones has assembled a wonderful batch of recollections written by many of the people who knew him best, and the reader is afforded an opportunity to glimpse the many facets of the character and intellect of this complex man.

Waugh was a little prickly, as many writers are, on the subject of his creative process, and took umbrage at, among other things, those who believed that he simply lifted people and places out of real life and plopped them down in his novels without their being distilled through his unique imagination. Douglas Woodruff writes:
As a novelist, he very much disliked anyone who went in for crude identifications of his fictional characters with living models. Not only did this detract from the appreciation due to the novelist’s artistic skill in selecting and blending, taking one trait here and another trait there, but it could easily evoke needless enmities…Having recognized my own flat…as being described in Unconditional Surrender as ‘Bourne Mansions’, when I next wrote to him I headed my letter Bourne Mansions. Evelyn’s riposte was to send my wife an anonymous postcard, signed ‘A Wellwisher’, but in undisguised writing, saying: ‘Your aged but incontinent husband is keeping a second establishment at Bourne Mansions, a name particularly distressing to those of us who knew and revered the late Cardinal.’
Waugh’s travels in Abyssinia I have touched upon elsewhere, but the book includes mention of a brief note that he sent to a friend during his attendance at the coronation of Haile Selassie that underscores his outbreaks of exuberant facetiousness: :
I am going to a lake called Tanganyika where everyone dies of sleeping sickness. I have also caught typhus in a prison, malaria in a place called Hawash, and leprosy in a Catholic church, so I am fairly sure not to come back.
Waugh’s relationship with Randolph Churchill during a military/diplomatic mission to the Balkans during WWII was a difficult one, as the garrulous Churchill began to rub the more reserved Waugh very much the wrong way. One evening, in an effort to deflect the conversation away from literature, which bored Churchill, the latter asked Waugh what he thought of his (Churchill’s) famous father’s biography of Marlborough. The Earl of Birkenhead reports Waugh’s savage response:
’As history’, Evelyn replied with unattractive vigour, ‘it is beneath contempt, the special pleading of a defense lawyer. As literature it is worthless. It is written in a sham Augustan prose which could only have been achieved by a man who thought always in terms of public speech, and the antitheses clang like hammers in an arsenal.’

Randolph was not unnaturally outraged by this brutal and quite undeserved defilement of a shrine, and remarked angrily to me: ‘Have you ever noticed that it is always the people who are most religious who are most mean and cruel?’ Even the hungriest trout could hardly have risen to so heavily cast a fly, and I remained silent, but to my surprise Evelyn replied, not only without rancour but almost with vivacity: ‘But my dear Randolph, you have no idea what I should be like if I wasn’t.’
Evelyn Waugh and His World includes many photographs and illustrations (some of the latter by Waugh himself), and is a treasure trove of insights into the public and private life of one of the greatest novelists of the 20th century.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Well, At Least Obama Doesn't Have This Problem

Tim Blair discovers the mother lode of comedy gold.

The Man From TWAT

A meeting in the Cabinet Room of the White House to discuss strategic options in Afghanistan. Gathered around the table are the president and his civilian advisers. General McChrystal is joining the meeting via video link; his visage appears on a large television screen hanging on the wall.

Obama: Well, ladies and gentlemen, we ought to be able to start in a couple of minutes. We’re just waiting on…Oh, here’s Joe now.

Biden: Sorry, Mr. President, I got tied up in traffic. [notices General McChrystal’s face on the television screen and scowls] Oh. What else is on?

McChrystal: Pardon me, Mr. Vice President, but you might want to familiarize yourself with the mute button.

Biden: What? Oh…heh…yeah. Just kidding, General.

Obama: All right, let’s get down to business. General McChrystal, in order to create a clear path for consideration of our strategic options in Afghanistan, I’ve identified two factions or teams. I’ll refer to you and General Petraeus as the “Militarist” Team, and Joe Biden’s team will be called…What was the name you came up with, Joe?

Biden: I’ve designated our side as “The Winning Assessment Team”

McChrystal: TWAT?

Biden: I said I’ve designated our side…

McChrystal: No, no. Not “what”. I said “TWAT”.

Biden: I beg your pardon, sir?

McChrystal: In the military, we’re accustomed to using a lot of acronyms, Mr. Vice President. The acronym for your group would be TWAT.

Biden: Oh, I see. Hmm. Well, that’s not so good. I’d better call my group “The War in Afghanistan Team”.

McChrystal: Sir, that would still make you the…er…TWAT-head.

Biden: Ok, ok. We’ll just call it the Biden Squad, for now.

Obama: General McChrystal, why don’t you go first and outline your strategy. I know you’ve already discussed it at length with me personally, but the other people here have not heard what you have to say.

McChrystal: Well, sir, I wouldn’t say our 25-minute talk on Air Force One really gave me an opportunity to discuss my recommendations at length

Obama: With all due respect, General, I told you to feel free to tweet.

McChrystal: Yes, but…never mind. Ladies and gentlemen, I have a comprehensive set of facts and figures here that I believe will help me make a convincing case for more troops in Afghanistan. Now, the first thing you need to understand…

[i] Twenty minutes later[/i]

…and in conclusion, I continue to strongly suggest that this represents our best option in Afghanistan. I’ll be glad to hear Mr. Biden’s ideas on the subject…Sir?...Mr. President?

A new voice: Ah, mon General, zat is a most excellent strategy, if you will permit me to say so. Much better zan ze one zat ze civilian advisers have devised.

McChrystal: Excuse me, sir, but who are you?

Voice: I am Gustave Napoleon Toussaint D’Orleans, ze gentleman’s personal gentleman to monsieur le President. But ever since I was ze leetle boy in Haiti, everybody has called me Gus. I have jus' come to collect monsieur le President's cherished coffee cup, ze one wit' ze picture of ze big zero.

McChrystal: Where did everyone go?

Gus: Ze Twat-head noticed during your speech zat he had lost one of heez hair plugs and begged ze assistance of all ze udder pipples to help heem find eet.

McChrystal [shakes his head and sighs as he collects his papers]: Well, I tried. And by the way, Gus, Mr. Biden changed the name of his group, so he’s no longer the TWAT-head.

Gus: Ah, mon General! On zat, we weel have to…how do you say?...”agree to disagree”.

A Momentous Occasion



Stacy McCain celebrates his first half-century today. Drop by and wish him all the best.

Director: "In this scene, you need to show leadership." Barack Obama: "Stuntman!"

With respect to world affairs, Obama continues to reveal himself as a butter-fingered foreign-policy juggler: dawdling on Afghanistan, embarrassing himself in Copenhagen, dissing the Dalai Lama, defunding an Iranian human-rights group, bullying Honduras - it's as if he were an actor who, tired of appearing in bit-parts, writes a play called "Mr. President", and casts himself in the lead. But the other actors seem to be rewriting the script, altering the plot and stealing the best lines - even changing Obama's appearances to a series of elaborate, but minor, walk-on roles.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised if this show folded after one term.

If You Can’t Sway ‘Em Based on the Merits…

…then dazzle ‘em with contrived photo ops. The White House handed out white lab coats to the doctors who showed up at a rally for ObamaCare yesterday.

So, if the president ultimately listens to the Biden camp on Afghanistan, is he going to trot Joe and his merry band of civilian advisors in front of the cameras decked out like an old-school South American military junta?

Update: Are We Lumberjacks? has an even more devastating photo.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Hey, David Brooks, Watch your Back!

Conor Friedersdorf, described in certain clueless quarters as a “conservative”, is sucking up to Dave's boss with such gusto that he sounds like a herd of thirsty elephants at a waterhole.

Obama Says We Will Not Walk Away From Afghanistan

I hope this doesn't mean that what we'll actually be doing is running away, shirt-tails flapping in the breeze kicked up by our churning heels. Nothing in this statement would be inconsistent with Biden's notion of relying largely on air strikes (remember how well those worked during the Clinton administration?)

And this bit is priceless: "Obama's defense secretary, Robert Gates, appealed Monday for calm — and for time and privacy for the president to come to a decision." [italics mine]

So who's trespassing on his time? And don't they have security people to keep visitors from barging into the Oval Office?

Mr. President, we need someone who will lead, not reign.

Update: Robert Avrech lays out Obama's program for disaster in Afghanistan.

Maybe Protecting the Innocent Has Something to Do With Putting People in Prison

The always excellent Theodore Dalrymple holds forth on the inherent value of indignation, the intellectual imposture of modern philosophes, and the main purpose of prisons.

If Only Hitler Had Succeeded, Poor Mel Zelaya Wouldn’t Be Suffering From Secret Jew Rays Now

Before Barry and his crackerjack State Department geniuses go any farther down the road toward propping up ousted Honduran president Mel Zelaya, they might want to pay close attention to some of the utterances of Zelaya’s chief propagandist, David Romero Ellner of Radio Globo:
There are times when I ask myself if Hitler was or not correct in finishing with that race with the famous Holocaust. If there are people that do damage in this country, they are Jewish, the Israelis…After what I have learned, I ask myself why, why didn't we let Hitler carry out his historic mission.
As the saying goes, read the whole thing (H/T: Moonbattery).

And by the way, just how did Zelaya get into Honduras? A blogger from Honduras asks that very interesting question, and provides some intriguing speculation (H/T: Babalu).

Sunday, October 4, 2009

The Ineradicable Stench of Failure...

...will settle on Obama's presidency if he ignores his generals and listens to - God help us! - Joe Biden on Afghanistan.

Rachel Maddow Rages against the Dying of the Light

Donald Douglas brings us the news that Rachel Maddow called Stacy McCain a "white supremacist" on Meet the Press. Stacy responds with what, boiled down to its essentials, is a post in which he invites Maddow to kiss his ass - precisely what the situation calls for.

For too long, leftists have succeeded in controlling the framework and context of public argument by constantly putting conservatives on the defensive. This has worked because conservatives have let leftists get away with the strategy. McCain says "not this time, sweetheart", while he grins and lights up an unfiltered Camel (not a Parliament Light, as some wag, I am convinced, typed under McCain's name at his blog yesterday).

The leftists fail to see that they have succeeded in making their cries of racism a corollary of Godwin's Law. Perhaps this sounds counter-intuitive, but I can't help but think that this is a good thing. The reckless attribution of white supremacism represents the last baffled and enraged howl of the old-media dinosaurs as the new-media meteor goes roaring through the cybersphere (a metaphor that has reached the zenith of hilarity in a series of posts at Small Dead Animals).